“Because we were,” he says simply.
I bite my lip.
“I’ve killed people, Hazel,” he says flatly, looking down. “I’m not proud of it. But I’m notnotproud of it, either. Early on, it was usually self defense. Kill or be killed, that kind of situation.”
“And later on?” I ask.
“Later on, the violence became more strategic,” he says, his eyes darkening. “Leverage. Revenge. Blackmail. Silencing. We did what we had to do, but no more than that.”
I’m silent, watching him, waiting for him to offer more information.
“We grew up. Went from low-level street dealing to smuggling and distribution. Some gambling here and there. Occasional hits.”
“Hits?”
“Hired jobs,” he says. “Hits.”
I swallow hard, the weight of his words settling over me.
“About ten years ago we began talking about pulling back,” he continues. “We’d made more money than we knew what to do with, and had some legitimate forms of income too. We figured we’d let the hit jobs and the gambling go, and put some distance between us and the smuggling down south. A more…managerial role, so to speak.”
He smiles ruefully.
“Turns out, that’s easier said than done. We were tangled up with a gang down south and I’d had enough. I wanted out, fuck the financial losses. Just wanted out. Derek and Damien disagreed. They thought we could overpower the gang, scare the shit out of them and get them back under control.”
He lets out a big huff of air, running his fingers through his hair.
“Truthfully, maybe we could have. But it would have been a war, a bloodbath. I was tired of seeing lives ended from this work. I didn’t want to be responsible for that anymore,” he continues. “So I said fine. I’ll give up my portion and go. You two stay in if that’s what you want. Half of my portion was to go to the gang, half to Derek and Damien. I insisted on that compromise. It was the only way to ensure a peaceful transition. And like I said, I didn’t want any more blood on my hands.”
The way he finishes that statement gives me a bad feeling.
“Let me guess,” I say quietly. “In the end, youdidhave blood on your hands.”
“Derek got greedy,” he says, his voice a low rumble. “God knows why. We had plenty. There was no need. But he decided to steal the half meant for the gang. Worse, he blamed the theft on a rival gang. Framed them and got out clean. The rival group wasn’t so lucky.”
I recognize Vincent’s tone of voice. The quiet, deadly anger that comes from deep within his chest, up his throat, bubbling over like lava over the walls of a volcano.
“I had to put my business - mylegalbusiness - on pause to go down there and try to fix it. Derek had started a war down there and it…itlookedlike a war zone,” he says. “It meant coming back into the drug business. Damien was more than happy to welcome me back. Derek, not so much. I put things right, and after that I was too afraid to get out again. Too afraid of the shit that might happen if I tried to leave again. I was always the more cool-headed of the group. Derek was the loose canon. And Damien is somewhere in between. Leaving was like upsetting the balance of this carefully positioned system.”
“Did you ever leave?” I ask. “Or are you…do you still do this stuff?”
He nods and my heart sinks.
“Smaller scale now,” he replies. “Stream-lined and clean. Violence is rare. Everyone knows their role.”
“You kicked Derek out,” I recall. “And Damien?”
“Damien left right after Derek,” he says.
I frown.
“What did you mean when you said you taught Derek a lesson?” I ask.
“Fighting,” he replies. “Physical fights were always how we settled things as boys. And it’s how we settled things then, too. Derek had begun using off and on. The cocaine kept him up for days at a time. He wasn’t eating, and he’d lost a lot of weight. He was weak. Kicking his ass was almost too easy. It felt wrong, like beating up a woman or a child or something. But I couldn’t help it; I was so fucking angry about the war he’d caused.”
“But you didn’t kill him,” I say, and he shakes his head.
“Hell no,” he says. “I wanted to, but I held back. All this time, Damien hunting me down, and me hunting him down…all because he thought Derek was dead. Well, it’s fitting isn’t it? Derek caused a war between gangs, and then a war between friends. He’s talented like that.”
