I was renovating my house and working in the family business, but I wasn't sure I was happy.It felt like something was missing.But I couldn't talk to Hudson about that.He said he wasn't interested in anything beyond work and family.He wouldn't understand how lonely it was in the army.How I had friends, but they came and went.I was moved from one place to another.I didn't have anyone special to call at home like everyone else.I had my family, but it wasn't the same thing.
One of the reasons I got out was so that I could have lasting relationships.I couldn't have any when I was in the army.It wasn't fair to ask someone to sign up for that kind of life, moving from one place to the next, not being able to hold down a job, because of it.
Now I was free to do whatever I desired as long as it didn't interfere with our business.I respected that.But I wondered when I'd finally get what I wanted.
There was always something standing in my way, and I was starting to wonder if I wasn't the one putting up the roadblocks.When was I going to allow myself to have what I wanted?
"Let's eat before the chicken gets cold," Mom said, and we sat at the table.There was one empty seat next to me that Natasha sat in.
We essentially had assigned seats that we'd occupied in since we were kids.It changed only slightly when we had guests.In high school, our girlfriends were invited, but as we got older, fewer women appeared at family dinner.Probably because it meant something serious, and none of us, besides Lincoln, had a significant other.
Natasha leaned toward me while everyone was passing around the food."Are you okay?"
I nodded."Yup."
She gave me a look."Is it weird that I'm here?"
"I feel like I should be sneaking you up to my room to cop a feel."The thought of doing that had me adjusting myself in my pants.
Her eyes widened, and I rushed to add, "Forget I said anything."
"O-kay," she drew out the word as she took the mashed potatoes from Aspen.She dished out the potatoes and passed them to me.
Every once in a while, her hand brushed mine as we passed the dishes around, and her thigh pressed against mine.It was hard not to think about every other time she was here and what we'd done after dinner.
I ate the food which I normally loved but tonight tasted dry.I swallowed it down, drinking as much water as I could.This dinner couldn't end quickly enough.
As soon as everyone finished, I jumped up to take the lead on cleanup.Mom joined me in the kitchen where I was rinsing dishes and placing them in the dishwasher.
Mom leaned a hip against the counter."Since when do you volunteer for cleanup duty."
"I clean," I insisted.
"Usually you fight over it until we're tired of hearing about it."
I shrugged, my shoulders tight."I'm not a kid anymore.I can take care of my responsibilities."
Mom sighed."It's just nice having you home, and now Natasha."
Lincoln came in with a stack of plates."What are we talking about?"
"Everyone being home," Mom said.
Lincoln nodded."It was the right time for me.I wanted to settle down, but I didn't think I'd meet Penny so soon."
Lincoln hadn't been looking for love but found it.I wasn't either, but Natasha had reappeared in my life.What did it mean?Was she destined never to be mine, or was I ignoring the inevitable?
"Love finds you when you're not expecting it," Mom said.
It sounded like a trite comment, but I wondered if it was true.I came home so that I could forge relationships with my family and build roots.But what if everything happened for a reason?Natasha moving home and me leaving the army.We were in the same place at the same time, working together.Was it fate?Because right now, it felt like torture, and it wasn't sweet.It was bitter.
I had Natasha and let her go.Who was to say I deserved another chance with her?And maybe she didn't want one.That was the cold, hard truth I couldn't get around.
I continued rinsing dishes."I'm not looking for anything."
"How's your house coming?"Lincoln asked."Need any help?"
"I tore out the bathroom, and now I'm framing it."
