“Josef. Leanne. All of it. I’m so tired of not having what’s mine.” What she didn’t add in was “you.” Because she couldn’t deny it after the last few weeks. She’d never stopped thinking about Hope. She’d never stopped dreaming about their relationship and the what-ifs. She’d fully put those thoughts to the side, but why?
Why did she have to?
Why hadn’t she fought?
“For years, when I was younger, I was told that I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be a good manager, that I was too young to be in leadership, that I was too pretty to be taken seriously. And now that I’m fifty-seven, it’s the same fucking line. I’m too old to be in the spotlight. I’m too icy and brittle to be taken seriously. I’m too bossy, too mean, too whatever reason they can find. I don’t care, Hope.” Angelica breathed heavily, the pent-up emotion and frustration coming to the surface in a way she’d never allowed it before.
“I still don’t understand.”
“Leanne’s here to replace me. By her own admission and by Josef’s. But I don’t want her to. This is my show. I worked my ass off to get where I am, and I’m not going to let her take that from me because they’ve labeled me out-of-date.”
Hope snorted lightly, her lips quirking upward into a quick smile. “You’re not out-of-date—or expired for that matter.”
“Shut up, Hope.” Angelica stared down at their joined hands. Why was she holding back still? Lifting her gaze, she locked her eyes on Hope’s and settled. “Hope?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry.”
Hope tensed. “For yelling at me?”
Angelica shook her head. “No. Well, yes, for not giving you the warning about that but there wasn’t time. I’m not going to let Leanne take anything from me. I was jealous of her, and I needed to step in and do something about it.”
“By yelling at me?” Hope lifted her eyebrows in disbelief. “That seems counterintuitive.”
“No, it’s not. Create tension between us and Josef will be happy and we remain front and center. If we allow her to create the tension?—”
“—then she becomes the star.” Hope finished with a nod. “I think I get it now.”
“Good.”
“But… you said that wasn’t what you were sorry for.”
Angelica paused, then she nodded. “Right. I’m not. I mean, I am, but not just for that.”
“Then what?” Hope squeezed Angelica’s hands. It sent a wave of comfort through Angelica, one that she needed and desperately wanted.
Sighing heavily, Angelica stepped away. She needed the space in order to think properly, to figure out what exactly she was going to say. “I wish things had ended differently… between us, I mean.”
This time the silence was expected, and it wasn’t painful. But it was filled with a tension that Angelica desperately wanted to pop.
“Every single person in my life has left me.”
“Left you or you pushed them away?”
“I told you to shut up.” Angelica shot her a look of exasperation. “You left me. But I don’t think you were ever truly here either. You were always half in and half out.”
“You’re not wrong about that,” Hope murmured.
“I know I’m not. But you weren’t the only one who was only halfway committed.” Angelica straightened her back, folding her hands in front of her. “Because I knew you’d choose him. And you did.”
Hope nodded her agreement.
“I wasn’t wrong.”
“I’m still not hearing what you’re sorry for.”
Angelica knew she was trying to lighten the mood, that Hope didn’t enjoy the intensity of these conversations. She’d much rather act than talk, and as much as Angelica hated to admit, sometimes words were necessary.
