Max sighs, “We haven’t said anything yet, because we haven’t decided what we’re doing, so didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.”
“But it is a big deal, it’s a huge opportunity for you,” Jamie says, looking at him proudly.
“So what is it?” Stephen asks. “Are you gonna make us guess?”
“Well, I got an offer of admission from a law school—”
“Ivy League law school,” Jamie says.
“Seriously?” Stephen asks. “Isn’t that the dream?”
“Yes!” Jamie says excitedly. “Will you please tell him to stop being so down about this?”
“I’m not down about it,” Max says, “I’m just… it’s across the other side of the country, it’s a long way from your family, there would be a lot for us to figure out.”
Sensing his discomfort I want to reassure him. “It’s a big move and a big decision, it’s okay to have conflicting feelings about it.”
Max gives me a small smile and nods. “Thanks, that’s exactly it. Of course I’m excited, and yes, it’s the dream, but there are other emotions going on there too, it’s not simple for me.”
Jamie nuzzles into him. “I know, I’m just so proud of you, and I support you one hundred percent.”
“I know you do,” Max chuckles, “you’re literally offering to leave everything you know behind for me, but that’s not something I want us to do lightly.”
“Okay,” Jamie nods against him.
Stephen and I stay quiet, letting them have this moment; it’s clearly been on both of their minds. As much as I’ve enjoyed getting to know them more, it feels bittersweet forme. It’s great to be out with people, to be myself, to get to know a gay couple who are both out and living their lives, but I can’t help but feel a little envious of what they have.
Seeing Jamie curled up against Max as they murmur sweet things to each other, knowing that Jamie is willing to move across the country for him, leaving everything behind as Max said. I want that, that type of love, that type of connection. It would feel so natural right now to rest my head on Stephen’s shoulder, or touch his thigh, even hold his hand; but I can’t. I feel like I’m missing out, and as happy as I am, I can’t stop that sadness from creeping in.
The mixed feelings I had yesterday after coffee with Max and Jamie disappeared as soon as Stephen and I got back to our dorm; when he pressed me against the door and kissed me until I could barely remember my name. As soon as we’re in our bubble, all my doubts disappear, it’s just us, together. I wish we never had to leave; would anyone really notice if I skipped all of my classes? Probably.
“Donovan!”
I turn and find Jamie grinning and waving as he walks towards me.
“Hey!” he says, pulling me into a hug like we’ve been friends for years. “I’m glad I caught you!”
“You are?”
“Yeah, Stephen mentioned that you might want to spend some time together so we can talk about some stuff. Max is out tonight so I’ve got the apartment to myself if you wanted to come over now?”
“Oh, uh, yeah.” I forgot about Stephen arranging for me to talk to them, but I guess it’s better to get it over with. “That would be great.”
“Awesome, come on!”
He links his arm with mine and we make our way off campus. Their apartment isn’t far, and I’ve heard that other students live around here too if they want to get away from the dorms. It’s a large building and we take the elevator up to the fifth floor.
“How long have you both lived here?”
“Only this year,” he says, unlocking the door. “We both got sick of sharing dorm rooms with other people and knew we wanted to have our own space, so figured we’d get a place. I wish we’d done it sooner honestly.”
The space is simple but homey, and I can see both of them in it. Graphic art covers the walls, and the sofa is decked out with cushions and blankets. He puts some music on and heads to the fridge, returning with two sodas.
“Make yourself at home,” he nods towards the sofa.
“I love it,” I say, gesturing around the apartment.
“Thanks, we’re not allowed to decorate, so art and throw pillows it is,” he chuckles, moving a few out of the way to make space. “So, how have you been? I didn’t want to bring up what happened at the club over coffee, but are you okay?”
