“All the jock shit you do.”
“Jock shit?” he laughs. “You mean like how I’ve been thinking about you wearing my jersey while I fuck you, that kind of jock shit?”
My breath catches at his words, we’ve never directly talked about fucking, or going any further physically.
“Sorry,” he quickly says, “too much?”
“No,” I shake my head, “not too much, not exactly what I meant, but not too much.”
“What did you mean then?”
“I just meant the way you can pick me up and carry me around like it’s zero effort, that kind of jock shit…” My words trail off, not knowing what to say after his comment about fucking me while wearing his jersey, that definitely put some interesting images in my mind. “You think about… about the other thing though?”
“Yes,” he chuckles, “I’ve thought about having sex with you, and I would love to, but there’s no rush. Besides, it might not be something you’re even into, which is also okay.”
Hmm… Beth’s talked to me about how sex can look different for everyone, that some people aren’t into everything. Can I imagine having sex with Stephen? Absolutely, but I’m not ready, and after what happened with Kyle and the questions he asked me, there’s more I need to know about…
“I am into it, I think… But I’m not ready yet. And… hypothetically… if it were to happen between us, how would it work?”
He wraps his arms around me, holding me tighter, our faces so close we’re sharing each other’s breath.
“Do you mean logistically, or preparation wise, or both?” he asks.
“Both, I guess.”
“Well, I’m a top, so when I think about us being together, I imagine fucking you, but I’m open to discussion if that’s not what you’d want. Do you know if you’re a top or a bottom, or maybe vers?”
“I think I’m a bottom,” I say nervously, “when I’ve thought about it, you’re the one fucking me.”
“I thought you were too,” he chuckles, “but I didn’t want to assume. Also, I’ve been tested and I’m clear, and there hasn’t been anyone but you since those tests. But I’d be happy to use condoms if that makes you more comfortable.”
“I don’t know,” I say, thinking about all the things I’ve heard over the years. Beth talks all the time about getting tested, being safe and using protection, but I never really paid attention to the details.
“We don’t need to decide now, it’s just something to think about,” he says, pulling me in for a quick kiss. “Preparation wise, I can talk you through it, or if you’d feel more comfortable talking to someone else, I can ask Jamie or Max to speak with you.”
I nod. “Yeah, that would be good I think, it’s not that I don’t want to talk to you about it, I just, we’ve got to keep some mystery between us.”
“I get it,” he chuckles. “I’ll message and ask if they’d be up for it.”
“Thank you,” I whisper, pressing my forehead against his.
This conversation is the polar opposite of what happened with Kyle; instead of feeling embarrassed and mortified, I feel looked after and cared for. I’m realizing that Stephen was right, if you can’t have these conversations with someone, should you really be getting intimate with them. I kiss him gently, taking my time and enjoying the feel of his lips. As the kiss intensifies, I roll my hips against his and he moans with pleasure.
“Fuck, baby, that feels amazing, but it would feel even better if we got you out of your clothes.”
I stand so he can watch as I slowly peel off my shirt and jeans. His eyes roam my body, clearly appreciating what he sees. I’ve felt attractive before, but I’ve never felt sexy, and he definitely makes me feel wanted.
“Lie back,” I whisper, placing my hands on his shoulders and gently pushing. “Let me look after you.”
He falls back on his elbows and moves further onto the bed, giving me space to straddle his hips. We kiss and he holds me close, taking our time to enjoy each other, before I move my kisses down his body, following the lines he drew on me earlier with his own mouth.
“You’ll tell me if I do something wrong?” I ask.
“Baby,” he chuckles, “unless you plan on biting down hard, you can’t really go wrong. I can talk you through it if you want me to, but honestly, I think you’ll soon learn that you’re making me feel amazing.”
I resume my kisses down his body, desperate to get to his abs; I’ve been thinking about licking them since the first moment I saw him without a shirt on. The ridges of his muscles feel smooth under my tongue, and I love the way they feel as he tenses them beneath me.
“You’re my motivation when we’re doing ab workouts at training,” he says, running his fingers through my hair and gently pulling as he makes a fist.
