“Yeah, I need an upgrade, I’m not sure my current suit fits me anymore.”
“Not a problem at all. I’ll be honest, you’re cutting it a bit fine if you want something custom, we’ve only got a few days, but I’m sure we can make an exception for the newest Warrior.”
“Oh no,” I say, “I’m just looking for a black suit.”
“But there’s still a lot to decide,” Paul says, “the style, the fabric, the shade. We’re going to have so much fun, not to mention accessories. You both relax, I’m going to go and select some pieces for you.”
“Thank you,” my dad says, sensing my overwhelm.
As soon as we’re alone I glance over at him, noting his sly grin.
“You knew it was gonna be like this, didn’t you?”
“Yes,” he chuckles, “your grandfather brought me here to get a suit for my first game, think of this as a rite of passage.”
“A rite of passage? That’s what you said the first time we went camping, and the first time we went fishing, and the firsttime you let me drive your truck. How many more rites of passage do I have to go through?”
His expression turns somber, and he sighs. “Tell me if I’m wrong, but I think you might be going through another one… but doing it alone.”
“What do you mean?”
“You haven’t been yourself recently, and… well I’m sorry to put it so bluntly, but your mom and I were wondering if perhaps you’re going through your first heartbreak.”
My chest restricts and I struggle to take my next breath. I thought I’d done a good job of hiding it, I still haven’t told them about Donovan, it’s too painful. But maybe I’ve been more obvious than I thought.
“I don’t think anyone else will have noticed,” he reassures me, “but we know you, and something isn’t right.”
Fuck.
“You remember Donovan?” I ask.
“Of course, your roommate.”
“He was more than my roommate.” The words come out as a whisper, no one is listening, but the fear of being overheard is still there.
“And I’m guessing it was more than casual if you’re this upset about it.”
“Yeah, it was more,” I say. “I told him about the situation with football, and we agreed to keep it a secret. But we both got so emotionally invested, and I was feeling things I’d never felt before. I knew it was selfish, asking him to keep us quiet, but when we were together I forgot all of that, it just felt so right with him.”
“So what happened? Did things change when you moved here?”
“After they asked me to come and play full time, they gave me media training, and told me about relationships andstuff, told me to avoid anything that might be a scandal. I told Donovan and he ended it. I don’t blame him; he’d just come out to his family, he wanted to be free for the first time, and I was trapping him again.”
“I’m so sorry,” he says.
“It was everything you warned me about after the Draft, about needing to hide myself even more. I should have listened to you, Dad.”
I let myself cry a few tears as he pulls me into his side for a hug.
“I know we talked about it,” he says, “but it doesn’t mean that you made the wrong choice at the Draft, you didn’t even know Donovan back then. And you can’t stop yourself from developing feelings for someone; it just happens. As for him ending it, there was no right or wrong answer, it was just a very difficult choice, for both of you.”
“Hmm,” I murmur.
“I’m sorry you’re hurting, but remember, you never know what the future holds. If there’s something real between you and Donovan, who knows what might happen. Look at your friends, Max and Jamie, it took them years to get together.”
“Yeah,” I nod, “you’re right. They know all about me and Donovan ending, and told me to focus on football, make this all worth it.”
“That’s good advice, you’ve got yourself some great friends there.”
