ThedoorclosesbehindSlim and we’re left alone, the sound of his bike reverberates through the house, then trails off the further away he gets, leaving us in quiet. Elizabeth has turned away from me, but I haven’t been able to take my eyes off her since I got here. She’s wearing the t-shirt, the one I ripped when we fucked up against the wall. I should have told her then that I loved her, I shouldn’t have wasted so much time.
I can tell she hasn’t been sleeping well; she looks beautiful, but she looks tired. All I want to do is take her in my arms and carry her upstairs; tell her that I’m sorry and snuggle into her, promising her I’ll never leave her again. I regret leaving that night after Donovan came out, she was right to give me the ultimatum, and I should have chosen her.
“Elizabeth—”
“Don’t.”
She stands and makes her way towards the kitchen; I want to follow but I’m guessing she wants to put distance between us. The clatter of dishes drifts through to the living room; she can ignore me all she wants; I’m not going anywhere. In fact,fuck it, I’m going to her, we’ve had enough space. I follow her into the kitchen; her back is to me as she dries dishes with a towel before placing them into a cupboard.
“Elizabeth—”
“I said don’t.”
I try a different tack, “Donovan says hi.”
Her movements slow, taking a bit longer to dry the plate she’s holding.
“You spoke to him?” she asks.
“Yeah, we’re good, we’re okay.”
“Is that why you got the vote sorted with the club?”
“Well, yeah, for him… for you.”
She scoffs, still facing away from me. “If you did this for me, you did it for the wrong reasons. You should have done it for your brother, and because it’s the right thing to do.”
“Of course I did it for Donovan, and because it’s the right thing. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t do it for you too.”
She doesn’t reply, focusing on the dishes, and when they’re all dry, she messes with stuff on the counter, anything to not have to face me.
“Can you just go?” she asks, the tremble in her voice breaks my heart.
“No,” I say softly, “I’m staying, I shouldn’t have left you before and I’m not leaving again.”
“But I don’t even want to look at you.”
“You don’t have to look at me. I’ll apologize to the back of your head until you do, and then I’ll apologize all over again.”
“An apology? You think that will fix this?”
“No, I know it will take more than that, but it’s a start. Elizabeth, I’m so s—”
“Stop!” She slams her hand down on the counter, dishes and cutlery rattle with the impact. “I don’t want to hear it, I said I want you to leave.”
“And I just said I’m not going anywhere. Donovan said the reason we’re not together is because of how I reacted to him coming out. But I don’t give a fuck who he loves, or sleeps with, or whatever. I just want him to be happy, and safe. All that stuff was corrupted shit in my head from Frank. Donovan and I are good, so you and I can be together—”
“You broke my fucking heart,” she screams, finally turning around to look at me.
Tears stream down her face and I feel it in my chest, a sharp pain where my own heart is supposed to be.
“Elizabeth—”
“Stop! I said stop. Stop fucking talking, stop trying to apologize, stop being so fucking calm.”
“Okay, you wanna shout at me, shout at me. Because I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. So give it to me, tell me how badly I fucked this up, scream at me about how much you hated what I did, shit, tell me you fucking hate me! Just don’t tell me to leave again, because I’m not fucking going anywhere, Elizabeth.”
“You looked at me like I was nothing.”
