“Yeah,” El Jefe says looking over at me, “Diablo’s a stubborn piece of shit, that’s for sure.”
“Just like your old man from what I hear,” Pedro says.
“Yeah,” I say, “I guess I get that from him.”
Being compared to Frank makes me feel physically sick, but what’s the point of denying it anymore, turns out maybe I’m just like him after all.
There’s not much more to say, so we drink together for a bit, before Pedro invites us to mingle and chat to any of the girls we like, assuring us that none of them are spoken for.
Tank, Pretty Boy, and Tipo, are clearly having a great time; they’ve got six women around them, all looking interested, and it’s not long before they start filtering off to rooms in threes.
“They look like they’re going to have funtonight,” El Jefe says.
“Slim’s gonna be gutted he missed out,” I say, feeling bad for asking him to stay behind. I tilt my head in the direction of a table of girls, all of them making eyes at us. “You could probably have more than a threesome if you wanted, El Jefe.”
“So could you,” he says.
Honestly, I’ve got no idea what fucking another girl would even look like right now; after the way it’s been with Elizabeth, I don’t want to do that with anyone else. But what, am I going to be celibate for the rest of my life?
“Want me to send any over your way?” I ask.
“No, I’m all good, brother. Just going to drink my beer and catch up with some old friends.”
When I think about it, I haven’t seen him with a girl for ages, no one at our club anyway. He’s been flirting with them less too, and they don’t sit on his lap anymore. I’m guessing he’s changing, trying to be faithful to his wife.
After I saw what it did to my mom, knowing my father was with different women all the time, explaining it away as part of the lifestyle no matter how upset it made her, I vowed to never be in a relationship, so I’d never hurt someone like that. But look how well that turned out.
I make my way over to the girls, pleased to see that they immediately make room for me. Even beaten to a pulp I can have my pick of them… so why is it that all I can think about is how none of them are as beautiful as Elizabeth.
After another few drinks, I’ve lost my wits enough to follow one of the girls upstairs. She’s got gorgeous dark skin and jet-black hair, she’s slim and her ass is tiny, the complete opposite to Elizabeth, which is just what I need. She leads meto a room and takes my drink, placing it on a table, before reaching her arms around my neck and leaning up to kiss me.
“No kissing,” I say.
She nods. “So, what do you want?”
Her voice is silky and smooth, but it does nothing for me, not like Elizabeth’s does.
I take a couple of breaths, before Elizabeth I’d have had no issue just telling this girl to suck my dick or turn around and bend over, but I don’t want her to do either of those things. She runs her hands down my chest, touching the dog-tag, the one that still holds the photo of Elizabeth and I snuggled up in bed together, the one I haven’t been able to take off or stop looking at, even though it feels like a knife to the chest.
“Fuck… I’m sorry,” I say, “I… uh… I can’t do this. It’s not you, okay?”
I untangle myself from her arms and leave the room, rushing down the stairs before racing through the clubhouse and out into their courtyard, not even looking in El Jefe’s direction. Leaning against the wall, I take some deep breaths. Fuck. I can feel tears in my eyes, I haven’t fucking cried since I was a child and I do not want to start now, not here.
“Do you want one?” I hear Alejandro’s voice from the darkness.
I turn to the direction it came from, and his face is illuminated by the flame from his lighter, he’s sitting on a bench in a dark corner. After lighting his cigarette, he offers me the pack.
“I haven’t smoked in years… but yeah, please,” I say, walking over to him.
He flicks his wrist so a cigarette slides out of the pack and hands me his lighter.
“Thanks,” I say, after I’ve lit up and handed it back.
“Let me guess,” he says, “you and Beth might be over, but she’s still the only girl on your mind.”
Normally I’d be angry about him even mentioning her, but honestly, I’m too fucking tired, and feeling too upset to even care.
“Yeah,” I say, taking a long drag on the cigarette.
