“I’m glad to see you, too. I was hoping you’d have returned my call. I have tickets to the chamber choir concert on Friday.”
“Joe, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“What do you mean? I know choral music isn’t for everyone, but I like it.”
Preston let a small smile slip but then turned away and headed to the exit without answering. I followed him, hoping he’d just left because it was closing time, but he just kept walking toward the parking lot. I jogged to catch up, falling into the space next to him.
“What’s up, Preston? Why won’t you return my calls or even look at me?” I thought about the way he was acting, then had a terrible thought. “Oh, God, I didn’t hurt you, did I? Are you alright? Please tell me you’re okay. Did you not want it? Fuck, I knew I should have waited until you weren’t drunk.”
Preston finally stopped walking and laid a hand on my wrist, calming me instantly.
“I’m fine, Joe. I promise. I just didn’t know how to tell you that it was a mistake. As great as it was, it was a very unprofessional mistake. I’m so sorry I put you in an awkward position. I don’t know what came over me, but it can’t happen again. You were a student of mine, after all.”
Frustration bit at me, but I knew I had to let him retreat—for now. I’d believed he was possibly my mate before the other night, but now I was almost certain. I could feel waves of anxiety and sadness coming from Preston. It was taking everything I had to keep from enveloping him right here on the sidewalk in front of everyone.
“I’m sorry you feel that way, but I respect your decision, Preston. I have to tell you that I disagree. We had something special start the other night. I want to see where it can lead, and I hope you decide you’d like that, too.”
The sadness coming from Preston spiked, so at least I had hope that he’d change his mind at some point. He had to feel the undeniable pull between us.
“I, uh, I don’t know what to think.”
“Take your time. Find me when you’re ready. I’ll be waiting.” My hand brushed his quickly as I walked past him back the way I’d come. The slight zing I felt on my skin was impossible to ignore. I saw in my peripheral vision that Preston had flinched slightly when he’d felt it, too. He’d come around eventually. I’d give him all the time he needed.
5
PRESTON
"Mrs. Dillard? I'm afraid I've had to cancel my class this morning. I'm sorry for the inconvenience if any freshman comes by to complain."
I muted the phone and ran to the bathroom to get rid of the two crackers I'd managed to get down this morning. Over my dry heaves, I could hear the sweet secretary's voice.
"Oh, dear. Still have that stomach bug that's been going around? You poor thing. It's lasted longer than anyone else's, hasn’t it?”
I unmuted the phone and did my best not to sound like I'd just puked like a drunk sorority girl after a frat party. "Yes, it's been a few days now. I hope I'll feel better later today. I have to go to the mixer tonight."
"Well, don't you worry about a thing here. I'll handle the precious ones who come by to complain. You drink yourself some ginger tea and rest, dear."
I pushed the button to hang up the phone, then hung my head over the toilet bowl as my insides tried their best to come up and out my throat. Mrs. Dillard was right. This virus had lasted days longer with me than anyone else. I thought back to my doctor's visit weeks ago. Was the doctor wrong? Was I really sick with something, and he didn't catch it? Was I dying?
My hot flashes and night sweats had stopped weeks ago, but the chills still hit me at times. I couldn't figure out a trigger for them other than noticing it never happened at home. Maybe there was something on campus making me sick.
Peeling myself off the bathroom floor, I thanked all that was holy that I'd cleaned it last night before bed when the nausea had let off for a while. I made a cup of ginger tea, crawled into my cozy bed, and spent the next five hours looking up all the diseases I might have with my symptoms.
When I nodded off for a nap, two possibilities were at the top of the list—pregnancy, which I knew was impossible, and cancer.
Oh, God, I'm dying.
I needed to make a doctor’s appointment. All I had to do was remember to make one.
I'd spent years focusing on my career and avoiding all the rest of my life. I'd been hurt so badly in the past that I'd shut down any situation that could possibly hurt me again. But doing that has prevented be from actually living my life. If I was sick, if my time was limited, I wanted to know so I could enjoy the rest of my life while I could.
I wanted to live. Like Auntie Mame said, life's a banquet and just poor suckers are starving to death.
I was done starving myself. I was ready to eat everything the banquet had to give me.
I was proud of my new resolve, but suddenly the thought of a banquet of food hit me, and I ran back to my bathroom again.
I shouldnotthink about food right now.
