Mom was right. I’d been in a holding pattern for too long. My life was slipping away from me, and it was time for a change.
3
PRESTON
“Ican’t have kids. I just found out last week.”
Sitting at the aged wooden bar inThe Screaming Frog Brewery,akaRibbitsto the locals, I told my friend Robert my deep dark secret. He, Thomas, and I had met tonight to drink and talk shit about our first week of classes, but it hadn’t gone the way we’d all planned. Thomas had been distracted, and Robert had told us about his attraction to his grad student. I had snapped at him when he said that. Age gaps and power imbalances in relationships were triggers, and Robert had been in my crosshairs. He’d followed me to the bar where I’d stormed, partly because I was angry but mostly because I was embarrassed that I’d snapped at him in the first place.
“Oh, Preston, that’s rough news. Did you want to have them? We’ve never really talked about it.”
“I did, yeah.” My wine glass clinked too loudly on the bar top, causing the bartender to raise his head from the beer he was pouring. I waved to my glass, and glancing at Robert and leaning back to spy Thomas back at our table, I pointed to Robert’s empty beer glass and held up two fingers. I couldn’t look him in the eye for fear I’d see sympathy or, worse yet, pity. “I’m sorry I snapped at you. I had a bad relationship years ago, and age differences in relationships are hard for me to handle.”
Robert bumped me gently with his shoulder. “You don’t have to apologize to me for that. I get it. I think we’re all on edge right now for various reasons. Hell, the first weeks of classes are always an adjustment. We all seem to have more to deal with this year than others.”
I agreed and downed my wine, then asked for another. Now that I’d told someone about my news, I felt all fucks leave my body until I didn’t have one left to give. If I didn’t have to worry about a family now, why was I still trying to maintain my perfect life rules? I could get drunk if I wanted, dammit.
“I’m gonna stay here for a while and keep Randy here company.” I nodded to the bartender, who brought me my third glass of Riesling. Or was it the fourth? I snickered and drank deeply. “You go back and hang with Thomas if you want. You can tell him what I told you, but nobody else, K?”
I finally dared to look at Robert, but he looked a little fuzzy for some reason. I blinked, and then everything was back in focus in time to see Robert give me the look I’d been dreading. Some would call it caring, some compassion, but I called it pity. I hated that feeling. After that time in my life when everything had blown up and I’d had to rebuild from scratch, I had never wanted to see that look ever again. I bit my tongue until I tasted the saltiness of my blood to keep from snapping at my friend again. None of this tragedy was his fault.
Robert patted my shoulder, then picked up his beer and the one for Thomas. “Alright, I understand how you feel, trust me. You going to be alright getting home? I can give you a ride.”
I nodded, not really hearing him. I’d already gotten lost in my thoughts and was drowning in my wine again. The minutes, or maybe hours, went by in a blur. Randy had started giving me water instead of wine at some point, but the damage had already been done. It had to have been a different brand of Riesling than I usually had because I felt so strange. I was so hot and flushed but had chills.
“I feel funny, Randyyyy.” I sang his name, elongated the ending, and then giggled because it sounded so clever. I thumped my elbow on the bar top, then dropped my chin into my hand with a thump. “Are you single, Randy? You’re kinda cute.”
Randy shook his head, his shaved head gleaming in the neon lights behind the bar. “Nope, professor, I’m not single. Don’t you remember? You came to my wedding three years ago. Me and George met in your British lit class freshman year.”
Fuck, no wonder I was going through manopause. I was so old my students were getting married.
“Ahhh, yes, I remember now. How is George these days?”
Randy’s tanned cheeks blushed to a rosy hue. “He’s wonderful, actually. We just found out we’re having a girl. It’s our first, and he’s emotional but glowing.”
The room spun.
I tried to say the things I should say. Congratulations and other niceties, but I couldn’t do it. The only thing I could say was, “I need to get home. Where’s Robert?”
Randy looked around, then picked up his phone and began tapping in an app. “He’s in no condition to drive, and you’re definitely not going to be able to get yourself home. I’m going to get you anUber, professor.”
I took a sip of water and knocked on the bar top. “Thank you, Randy. I’m gonna go take a piss.”
Randy chuckled, then finished tapping before slipping his phone back into his pocket. I couldn’t help but notice he had fantastic thighs. So hard and muscular. I’d love to lick them, maybe a bite or two.
I hit my head with my palm to stop my thoughts. I was drunk, not stupid. He was married and a former student, for fuck’s sake. I weaved through the thin crowd, wondering where everyone had gone. I didn’t see my friends, but then again, everything was sort of fuzzy. Had they started allowing smoking in here?
I stood in the single stall in the bathroom to pee because my balance was shit for some reason, and the walls helped me not fall over onto the floor. I got a chill down my spine again, followed by an all-over flush of heat as I held a not-quite-so-limp cock to empty my bladder. An image of hard thighs and broad shoulders flashed in my mind, and I squeezed my cock as it hardened in my grip. I knew those shoulders and those thighs.
Joe Langford.
He had been my dream for so long, but I’d never let myself give in to these thoughts. My heat suppressants had suppressed more than just the heats. They’d suppressed almost all my carnal desires along with it. But now that I didn’t have to worry about being safe or careful, fuck it felt good to get to feel my cock get hard at the thought of a sexy man again. My balls tingled with my desire, and I was so lost in the feeling that the door opening and someone walking into the bathroom startled me so bad I had to let go and hold onto the walls on either side of me to stay on my feet.
I tucked everything away and zipped up, then washed my hands before heading back to see if my ride was here. Carefully putting one foot in front of the other, I got to the bar to hear Randy tell me. “Hey, professor, your ride’s here.” He pointed to the front door, where I thought I saw the dean of the university, Chad. My brain froze, and I couldn’t remember his last name. The only name I could think of was my dream man, my crush, if you wanted to call it that. My wet dream, if I was being honest. Joe Langford, and he was walking into the bar wearing gray joggers that hugged his thighs like a lover and that ass that I’d like to grip tight. My eyes trailed further to see his hoodie riding up just enough in the front to see skin when he raised his hand to wave at Randy.
As I raised my eyes to his face, finally, I scanned his scruffy hard jawline, perfect pouty lips, then, at last, got trapped in his gorgeous soft brown eyes. That familiar chill I’d occasionally been feeling for the past few months became an arctic blast of shivering cold from my neck to my ass. Once the feeling hit me, my hole twinged, and I was immediately hard as a rock. On the heels of that sensation, a hot flash hit my skin so fast I felt faint. Seeing me list to the side, Joe surged forward and grabbed me by the waist to hold me steady.
Instant lust hit me in another wave of hot and cold as soon as his fingers touched the skin at my waist where I hadn’t tucked my polo back in from the bathroom. I was burning for this man.
