Chapter Four
I’m goingto kill Remy!I thought to myself as I left my office for the night. Last week, he had gotten into my phone and signed me up for the latest dating app without telling me. He took my headshot and filled out the whole profile without me even knowing about it. He had done it, he said, because he wanted me to be as happy as Ladd was with Connor. I had confronted him at the house when I'd found the app on my phone, but when I realized he'd actually created the damn profile already, I'd called his ass and yelled for five minutes into his voicemail before giving up. Of course, he had explained himself over voicemail because he’d been too scared to talk to me in person, the little shit.
Our world had been upside down the last week because of the fire in the carriage house that had almost cost us both Ladd and Connor’s lives. That psycho Parker had tried to burn them alive, but thank God he was in jail now and hopefully for the foreseeable future. The guys were staying in the guest suite in the main house, so I was spending more time in my shop to give them space and privacy. Ladd was managing better than I had expected, mainly because of Connor’s constant support. They were so good together. I always smiled when I thought about them. I wanted to be that lucky one day, to finally find someone to feel that comfortable with.
On that thought, my phone dinged for the five hundredth time today, and I cursed whoever invented the damn things. That fucking app had been blowing up my phone for days now, and none of the messages were anything but hookup requests. And most of those were little twinks wanting to find their perfect daddy or older men looking for a boy. Fuck my life. I was right in between those two demographics and they both loved me. Lucky me!
I blamed the picture Remy had used for the app. I looked like a goddamned guidance counselor in that picture, not like someone you’d want to date unless you had an authority fetish. Jesus, I wasn’t anyone’s daddy. Or boy for that matter. What the hell had Remy been thinking when he signed me up for this shit! I decided I was going to get him back at the family dinner on Sunday. Even though the world was a mess right now, I was trying to keep everything as normal as possible in our lives, and family dinner was important.
I got home and grabbed something quick for dinner, waving off Ladd and Connor’s invitation to eat with them. I had some pieces to finish up in the shop and needed some downtime. The conversation with Patrick last week and the constant reminder of the app every fucking day had gotten me into an introspective mood. Was Patrick right? Were Remy and Rhett waiting for me before they settled down?
That thought circled around and around in my mind as I polished a set of wedding bands I’d just gotten back from the molding company. I created every piece of jewelry I made by hand. Carving every line and angle until they were perfect, then I would send them off to be cast. I had thought about doing all of that myself, but the casting would have meant this was a full-time job, and I already had one of those. My patients needed me, so I had compromised and found a small family-owned company that would take my sculpts, mold them, and then cast them in whatever metal the client wanted. They had stone setters also, so I let them do that, too, since that was a very refined skill I had never mastered. Once all that was done, they sent it back to me, and I would do all of the finish work and polishing myself. This time, right here, at my workbench, was the only place I allowed myself to really let go and just be. This was my meditation.
But tonight my mind wouldn’t rest. Remy and Rhett had agreed that the app might be an idea to help me. That meant they thought I needed help. I didn’t need any help. I was fine, just fine. I dated. My last date was—I thought back, and my last date was…two fucking years ago! Had it really been that long? I thought about it again, and yeah, my last date had been over two years ago, and that was only a first date that was terribly awkward. The twins knew it had been that long.Oh, God, they think I’m pathetic on my own. No wonder the boys thought I was hopeless. I kind of was.
If I was being totally honest tonight, and it seemed like the night for all kinds of introspections, dating had never been a priority for me. When I was younger, I was always focused on being successful. Since John had run off to be as free as he could be and broken our parents’ hearts, I had to live up to the expectations of not one, but two sons. I had to make up for John leaving. Then Mom and Dad had passed away, and I was the man of the family. I had to be the best, and relationships were just a distraction. I had to graduate early, be top of the class, be perfect. So when I finally graduated and started my own practice, I wanted to be the best in my field and help as many people as possible.
Then the boys came into my life and I had a whole new set of responsibilities. As I thought about those early days when the boys came to live with me and Aunt Helen, I cringed at the mistakes I had made. Those were dark times. The mistakes I made had created scars, emotional and physical, and I made a promise that my family would always come first from that day forward. But had I let that one incident almost nine years ago overshadow my own happiness? I never thought so, but now I wasn’t so sure. Did I want a relationship? Was I happy with the status quo? I searched my mind and honestly didn’t have an answer at this moment. But if my family, who would never lie to me or steer me wrong, thought that I needed to consider my own life now, then I owed it to them to at least try.
As I went over to the desk in the corner of my shop and picked up my phone, I noticed the time on the screen and realized I’d been working for hours. It was almost four in the morning. Shaking my head at my loss of time, I thought about what kind of man I wanted. I was warming to the idea of someone just for me—like Ladd had with Connor. Someone to come home to at night. Someone with common interests, caring, gentle, and honest. But I didn’t want someone larger than me. I imagined a man smaller, shorter, maybe even pretty. My mind settled on an image of the cute bartender, Ethan, and I imagined coming home to someone like that at the end of my workday. I found myself smiling as I opened the app because I liked that idea, very much. Someone like Ethan would be wonderful to come home to.
I’d been attracted to the petite man the first time Patrick had taken me to the Swallow almost a year ago. His amber eyes had reminded me of the cognac I loved to drink as a nightcap before bed, and the eyeliner he had started using recently made his eyes glow against his naturally smooth tan skin. I liked everything about him. The next time I’d seen him, I thought I was seeing things because that night his eyes had been a light blue. If it was possible, he looked even more fucking beautiful than he had before. I heard him talking to his friend, Jensen, the other bartender, about the contacts he was wearing and how he’d gotten so many more tips with blue eyes. I was a little jealous at the thought of all the guys in there trying to tip their way into his bed that night, but it hadn’t stopped me from giving him a twenty when I was ready to head out.
As I was scrolling through the possible matches on the app, I thought back to that night a week ago in the alley with Ethan. He had been acting strange, but no less beautiful. His hair had been pulled up as usual for work, but I had the urge to pull that band from his hair and see it fall around his face. I had wanted to run my fingers through those silky strands and see what his shampoo smelled like, maybe even see if his lip gloss was flavored like the cherries I imagined they would taste like. I was lost in thought when that damn message icon dinged again. I needed to find the setting and turn the damn thing off.
I was tempted to close it out and head to bed. Thank God I didn’t have to be in the office until noon tomorrow or I would have been in a world of hurt. I decided to clear out this one last message and then head to the house, so I opened it up and found myself staring at the very man I’d just been thinking about. “Ethan,” I whispered into the suddenly still air. Without thought, my finger gently ran down the side of his face on the screen. Ethan, my fantasy man, had messaged me on the dating app? That couldn’t be right. I glanced at the name, and sure enough, it was my Ethan.Wait, no, he’s not my anything. Yet?
My gut was suddenly filled with razor-edged wings, and I noticed my fingers were shaking a little as I hit the message button with the bright red number one flashing. After two failed attempts and hitting the wrong button once, I finally got Ethan’s whole profile picture flashed across my screen, followed by his message.
Hi James!
I don’t know if you remember me, but we met briefly in New Orleans a week ago. You helped me take care of a guy who had been hurt in the alley behind the bar where I work, The Swallow. You seemed really nice, and I really appreciated the fact that you helped when most people would have walked away. You seem nice and normal, lol, unlike most of the guys I meet these days. I know we don’t live anywhere near each other, but if you’re interested, I’d love to chat on here and maybe get to know you better? Maybe we could even go out the next time you come into town? If not, that’s cool, but we do have things in common, so maybe we could be friends at least?
Here’s hoping, Ethan
I couldn’t keepthe smile off my face as I reread Ethan’s message over and over again. That beautiful man actually liked me? He wanted to get to know me better. It said so right there in black and white. And he might even want to go out with me next time I was in New Orleans. This couldn’t be real. I would never have believed it if I wasn’t reading it for myself. And hell yes, I was interested. I couldn’t imagine he’d really be interested in dating me. I was too old and boring for someone like him to seriously date, but I would love to be his friend. Even if that was all I’d ever have, that would be amazing just to be able to know someone like him. I hit the reply button and quickly wrote my response.
Ethan,
Of course I remember you. I’ve seen you the few times I’ve been in the bar. There’s no way I could have missed someone so vibrant. I’ve wanted to talk to you for a while, but could never work up the nerve. There were always guys around who were much more persistent for your attention. I’m sorry for rambling, but I’m very flattered you messaged me. I would love to get to know you better. We can message on here any time you like. I look forward to hearing back from you soon.
Thankfully optimistic, James
I hit send beforeI had the chance to change my mind. Then closed the app, closed and locked the shop, and walked across the lawn back to the house. I wouldn’t get my hopes up. He just wanted to be friends. He was just being nice to me since I had helped him out. Friends were all it could be, I was sure. But with someone as beautiful and nice as Ethan, I’d take it.
