I had no idea why I had sent that picture to him. I had been obsessing over the situation and my nonexistent options when his text had come through. I had joked about it at first, as you could so easily do with text. It was easy to pretend to be okay if you never actually had to talk to someone, but as soon as they heard your voice, it was so very much more difficult to lie and say everything was fine.
Maybe I had wanted sympathy, and maybe I had wanted to scare him off or turn him away, I wasn’t sure what motivated me to send it. But as soon as the phone rang, I knew what I wanted at that moment. I wanted my Jay. I wanted him so much I ached with the need and loneliness. The thought was insane, but I owned those feelings now as I started packing my closet. With each piece of clothing I folded and placed in my suitcase and the few totes I had, I thought about James’s reaction and how he’d been exactly what I’d needed, my hero. He made me feel like he would keep the bad in the world at bay, and I was so okay with that. All of this was too much to deal with on my own, and I wouldn’t lay it all on Jensen and pull him into possible danger either. I couldn’t get Jessie and Mark involved either. They were great friends, too, but they had a family now, and I wouldn’t put them in harm’s way. I had thought I would have to do this all on my own, but now I didn’t, thanks to James.
When I was finished packing my closet and everything I wanted to take with me, my sad life was even more apparent sitting there in one suitcase and three totes. It took only an hour to pack my whole life up, and then I had to make the most difficult call of my life so far. I hit Jensen’s contact and took a deep breath as it rang.
“Ethan, hey, honey, how are you feeling? I’m going to drop by tonight to hang out, and I’ll bring dinner. What should we have, po’boys or pizza?”
“Jens, listen, I don’t think I can eat dinner—”
“Honey, I’m coming over whether you want me to or not. I’m worried about you, and I’m staying with you tonight, so I know you’re okay.” I started to tear up at the worry in my best friend’s voice. This was so much more difficult than I thought it would be.
“Listen, Jensen. I’m leaving tonight.”
“What do you mean you’re leaving? Like taking a vacation? Oh, my God, where are you going? Have you worked it out with Nick? He’ll have to keep his cock out of Brody for more than a few hours to take care of the bar, but I’m sure they can make it work…”
“Jens, no, listen. I’m not going on vacation. I’m leaving town. I’m moving away, tonight, and I don’t know if I’ll be moving back.” He tried to interrupt, but I needed to get this out, or I would never get the words out. “Listen, I saw something a few months ago. I saw Marcus beating up Donnie, you know, the little twink boy that always hung around in the front of the bar? He hurt him that night and no one has seen him since. I’m one of the last people to see him, and Marcus was roughing him up and threatening him.”
“Oh, God. No, Ethan, no, this can’t…you can’t be serious. This isn’t happening.”
“Yes, Jens, that’s what he wanted with me last night. He’s in a tough spot, and I might be a witness. He threatened me to be quiet or else, Jens. I think he killed him. And I’m very sure he’s killed before. He’s a psycho, Jens, and he’s got his sights set on me now. I can’t stay here. He was going to mouth rape me in that fucking alley and would have if not for Nick. He scared the shit out of me. I can’t stay here and keep looking over my shoulder, wondering when he’s going to jump, rape or kill me, honey. I just can’t, Jens. I’ve got to go today!”
This was the first time I had put all of my fears into words, and I was so fucking scared. I had known that I needed to leave for a while to let things cool off, but now that I had actually verbalized the situation, I realized how dire the situation actually was.
“Ethan, where are you gonna go? Do you need any money? How are you going to? What’s your plan? I’m so worried about you! Do you need me to—”
“Jens, I’m going to stay with Jay. He offered me his guest room, and he said he would help me get on my feet with no strings. I believe him.”
“Honey, are you sure? You’ve only known him for a little while. How do you know he’s not crazy like Marcus? You could be going from one terrible situation to another.”
“I just know, okay? I just do. Can I tell you something and you won’t make fun of me?”
“Ethan, you can tell me anything, you know that, but no promises. You know I take every opportunity to make fun of you, bitch.”
I laughed, even though it made my face ache and my busted lip throb. But he’d wanted to lower the tension of the conversation, and it worked. “Okay. I’m telling you anyway, but be nice because this is important.”
“When am I ever not nice? Honestly—”
“I think he’s the one.”
Jensen was quiet for a few seconds and then squealed so loud I had to move the phone or lose my hearing. “Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Are you sure? You have to be sure. You know how serious that is. We always said we would never say it unless we were sure. Are you sure? How can you be sure? It’s only been a little while, and you haven’t even slept with him yet. What if he’s a total top? That would never work for you, honey, you know that. Oh, Jesus, he might be a shitty kisser! Have you thought about that? You could never commit to a crappy kisser, honey. I know you, and you couldn’t do it. You love kissing too much. You can’t commit to happily ever after with a shitty kisser, bitch, that’s against the rules.”
I knew this entire tirade was just Jensen being concerned, and I loved him so much for it. Even though he was joking around, I could hear his concern.
“Honey, calm down. I don’t think he’ll be a shitty kisser. Is that all you’re worried about?”
Jensen took a deep breath. “Of course it’s not what I’m worried about. You’re leaving me, you bitch. You’re leaving for a damn good reason, granted, but you’re still leaving me. What am I going to do without you to go thrift shopping with me, or watching marathons of Ancient Aliens and telling each other what we would do with that guy’s hair if we could get our hands on him?”
I giggled even though the thought made me sad. “Honey, we can Skype and talk every day if you want, and I won’t be that far. I just have to get out from under Marcus and whatever he’s got going on in this city. If I’m honest, I’m worried about you, too. Do you think you’ll ever move? Maybe you could come to this new town, too.”
“I don’t know, honey, I’ll think about it. I’d hate to leave Mom and Dad now that they’re getting older. Living in the garage apartment has been helpful for them since I can help Dad with the chores. They do keep telling me to move on and get to living my own life, but I don’t want to leave them without any help.”
“Jens, you’re the best son they could have ever asked for, but they’re right. You can’t hide forever.”
“I am not hiding! I just like it where I am and don’t want to take the chance that someplace new wouldn’t work out.”
“Which is hiding.”
“Okay, yeah, I’m hiding. I’ll think about it. But, yet again, we’re talking about you, not me. I’ll gather up some po’boys and bring them over. I’m not letting you leave me without checking this guy out first. I’ll be there in an hour.”
“Okay, but better make them shrimp, Jay doesn’t like oysters.”
“Awww, you already know what he likes and doesn’t like. Maybe it’s meant to be after all. Love you. Oh, have you called Nick and told the guys you’re leaving? I know they don’t need the rent, but you need to let them know the deal before you just up and leave.”
“Damn, I didn’t even think about that yet. I’ll call Nick now and then walk over and tell them.”
“Okay, honey, I’ll see you in a bit.”
I clicked off the phone, then dialed Nick’s number. He answered right away and wasn’t surprised at all that I was leaving. In fact, he was happy I’d made the decision. What I hadn’t expected was that he was on his way over here anyway because a friend of his named Trick had asked to meet him here for some reason. As I hung up, I had no idea what that was about, but I was sure it couldn’t be any good. This night kept getting stranger and stranger.
