Chapter Nine
Worthy
Lying on the bed, naked and waiting for Crow to come in, I tried to shut my brain off, but it was useless.
What the ever loving fuck are you doing? Have you lost your Goddamn mind?
This seemed like it was a distinct possibility at this point. I was arguing internally with my other half. That scared, cowering part of me that had done everything he could to survive my marriage from hell was decidedly smaller now, but it was insisting this situation was exactly the same. I was putting my body into the hands of someone who would do the very same thing Terrence had. But the part of me that had orchestrated my escape and been bold enough to confront Crow a few minutes ago, believed this situation was very different.
I had no proof other than a gut instinct, but I didn’t think I was in mortal danger at the moment. I would be lying if I said that edge of danger wasn’t becoming attractive to me. It made sense in my warped brain, that since I loved the pain of blades and whips, why wouldn’t the idea of imminent death be a turn on, too? Maybe I’d found my perfect match. Only time would tell, but I wasn’t going to let my fear keep me from the pleasure he promised me.
He could kill me tomorrow, but the chance of pleasure at another person’s hand, the kind of touch I needed the most, was too much of a temptation to resist. I would lay my life in his hands and see what happened.
I heard him moving around in the kitchen as I warred with my other self. I had no idea what he had planned for me, but I wanted it. What he was offering sounded heavenly after years of pain. Any kind of touch from someone else was better than doing it yourself. You could massage your own feet, but wasn’t it a thousand times better when someone else did it for you? It was about ten minutes before he yelled from the other room, startling me from where my thoughts had strayed.
“Worthy, close your eyes and keep them closed. I’ll be there in a minute.”
I didn’t answer, but I did comply. My anticipation was ramping up. I even had butterflies in my belly, until I heard Crow walking in the room, and the butterflies turned to lead weights. What did he have planned for me?
“Mmmm, you look beautiful lying there waiting for me, Worthy. Your body is perfect despite everything you’ve been through.” He was quiet for a moment, then clapped his hands, startling me. “Okay, I’m going to ask you to stay still. Don’t speak unless I ask you a direct question, but you can make noises if you need to. I’m going to be doing some sensation play with you today, so I’ll ask you one question before I start. Do you want restraints or not? This is your one choice. Think about it for a minute.”
He’s giving me a choice?
What should I do? Did I trust him enough to let him restrain me? It wasn’t like I was free to leave the house, but did I want to lose that last bit of freedom? I fucking loved the feel of restraints, but was I comfortable enough to do it now? That was the question of the century, wasn’t it?
“I would prefer none if that’s okay. I promise I won’t move.”
“That’s perfectly fine. I gave you the choice. Now, put your hands behind your head and leave them there. I’m going to be touching you, starting now. When I ask you what you feel, you answer.”
I brought my hands up and clasped them behind my head and waited. And waited. And waited some more. I had learned patience, but he waited so long to do anything, I thought he might have left and I didn’t notice.
Did I need to call out to him?
No! He said don’t speak unless asked.
Was this a test? What would he do to me if I failed?
Of course, it’s a test! He’s going to hurt you or kill you if you fuck this up. Why did you agree to this?
Right when I was sure he’d left to go get a gun, or decided I wasn’t worth the effort, or even worse, standing there laughing at me naked on a bed waiting for nothing, I felt something lightly touch my belly and jumped.
“What did I say, Worthy, don’t move or I’ll need the restraints.”
Fuck, I wanted to run and hide. I’d fucked up on my very first test. What would he think of me now? He was probably concluding that I had been the worst possible sub, and that was why Terrence had treated me the way he had. I was nothing but a mess and a failure. I was frantic for him to give me another chance.
“I’m sorry, so, so sorry. I was just startled, I’ll be careful from now on. I promise, Crow. Please don’t hurt me. I’ll follow the rules, I promise.”
I felt his warm palm lie flat on my chest and hold me there until I calmed down. He didn’t move, just held his hand there. The slight weight wasn’t enough to hold me down if I decided to move. No, it was just there to remind me he was there, reassure me that I was okay and he had me. The weight and human contact were exactly what I needed, and he knew that. It was more than Terrence had ever given me. I wanted to cry for the care he was giving me after everything that had occurred between us. He didn’t have to help me, but he was.
“Calm down, Worthy. I’m not going to hurt you right now. I’m here to make you feel all kinds of things, but no pain today. Calm down, and we’ll try again, okay? You’re safe.”
I couldn’t speak, so I just nodded. I had too many emotions clogging my throat and too many thoughts jamming my brain at once. He wasn’t going to punish me. He wanted to make me feel good today, even if I messed up. He wanted me to feel safe and maybe even cared for? A tear might have escaped my closed eyes and slid down my cheek. Neither of us acknowledged it, and I was grateful.
“Good, boy. Now, if I make you wait again, you’ll be ready. Let’s start again. When I touch you from now on, I want you to tell me in only one word what you feel. Just say the first word that comes to your mind.”
His hand lifted, and almost immediately, I felt something soft and weighty put across my eyes. I followed directions and said the first word that came to mind.
“Blindfold.”
