Chapter One
worthless
Pain. Excruciating pain.
I was kneeling on the polished oak floor of what used to be the library of my beloved father, a tray of dry rice was hatefully placed in this spot every day for me to pose on for hours. The rice would feel uncomfortable the first hour, painful the next and then beyond pain into horror thereafter. If he didn’t find blood in the rice, he’d punish me for not following the rules.
The fucking rules.
Don’t talk unless directly spoken to.
Don’t eat unless allowed the privilege.
Never cry.
Never scream.
Always say thank you for the pain that was given to me.
Never, ever tell anyone anything about my real life hell.
I had nothing left of my life but the pain I was made to feel every day now. The hours I spent alone every day allowed me the time to contemplate my life and where it went so wrong.
I had lived twenty three years striving to be the best. After my parent’s death at eighteen, I tried to earn the respect of my peers in high school and then college. I had a need to live up to my father’s legacy so I could take my place in the company and not just live on the royalties and income from the stock I had inherited. Our family company was a powerhouse in the shipping industry, and I needed to continue my family’s legacy and make my father proud. I was top of the class, the next star in the corporate world.
Then I met him.
Terrence Jonathan Lionell III was an up and coming lawyer in the firm representing Winters International. He latched on to me as soon as we met. Wining and dining me with promises of a bright future. I had one whole year of being seduced by the man of my dreams. A tall blond god who focused all of his attention on me was more than I had ever dreamed of. He worked hard to gain my trust and my love. Then after the wedding, it all slowly began to change. Now, after two years, my entire existence had been narrowed down to nothing but this house and this pain. I was defined by this seclusion and never-ending suffering.
I was numb to most of it by now. I was never permitted to use stimulants or alcohol, but even if I was, I wouldn’t choose to take them if allowed the choice. There was something welling up inside of me these last few months, and I didn’t want to let it go. It scared me, but I wanted it to grow, spread, and consume me. Whatever this feeling was, it was slowly swallowing my fear of Terrence. My fear of everything was being consumed, and all it left in its wake was ice-cold rage.
Once upon a time, I would have given in to the anger and violence. But no more. If I’d learned anything from these years of humiliation and subjugation, I’d learned patience. Patience was a virtue, my late parents always used to tell me. Now I understood what they meant. Patience would get me revenge on the bastard who stole not only my life and my family’s company but my self-respect. I’d find a way, one day, to set my plans in motion. Focusing on the pain in my body gave me the strength to endure, for now.
I heard the front door open and slam shut, shaking me from my thoughts. I didn’t try to hide my shudder. It was ingrained fear of the possibilities to come, and well learned. His expensive dress shoes made only soft sounds as he walked down the entry hall immediately to the library. Of course, he would want to check on his possession—his slave for all intents and purposes.
“Well, how are you today, worthless?”
Terrence walked in and came close. I could see his thousand-dollar loafers as I was bowed in the perfect pose that he preferred. My hands were clasped behind my back, kneeling with legs spread, my naked body perfectly placed so he could see his handiwork of scars all over my back when he entered the room. Looking down at his shoes, I knew what was expected and immediately leaned down to kiss each soft brown shoe. The movement shifted my knees on the bed of rice, and the little sharp grains dug into my already open wounds, making me flinch. I hoped imperceptibly. If he saw any vulnerability, I would suffer the consequences. The scars and burns all over my back were a testament to that.
“Such a good, worthless piece of meat, aren’t you, slut?” He kicked out and struck me in the cheek, knocking me over and spilling some of the rice out of the tray onto the floor.
“You stupid cunt, look what you did! Move back and pick up every piece with your tongue, then lick the floor clean. No hands, just your mouth. Make it quick. I have some calls to make before I leave tonight for my trip.”
I made quick work of licking the grains of rice off the oak floor. I knew it was clean because that was another of my jobs in the house. I was a modern day Cinderfella, except with whips and ropes instead of cute little mice. I was responsible for every bit of keeping my ancestral home clean and spotless.
After everything was the way I knew he wanted, I took a risk and raised my head. He noticed immediately and raised one eyebrow. It wasn’t the worst sign, so I just kept looking until he finally relented.
“What, worthless? Make it quick I need to go.”
“Sir, I thought we were supposed to go to the wedding this weekend. I let you know three months ago, and you said it was fine. I’ve got you all packed, and I’ve got my things packed, too.”
His expression went stormy, but he didn’t rise out of his chair. That was better than I had imagined he would react when questioned. His phone notification sounded, and he picked it up as he answered me.
“We’re not going to your whore half-sister’s wedding. There’s no way I would be seen dead at that hippy bitch’s farce. I’ve got business in Vegas this weekend, and you’re staying here to clean and get the house ready. We’re having guests on Sunday.”
“Guests, Sir?” I nearly slapped my hand over my mouth at the impertinence of questioning him yet again, but I didn’t want to be punished for that and for letting my hands go, too. I didn’t have to worry, though, because whoever was on his phone had all of his attention for the moment. As he furiously texted, he absentmindedly answered me.
“Yeah, I have some business associates coming to stay with us for a while. It’s time you earned your keep here. Since I can’t get my hands on your trust until you’re twenty-five, I need help with the bills. I’ve met some men who enjoy the type of fun we have together, so they’re paying me for the privilege of putting you through your paces, you worthless fuck. Get your ass ready to be reamed, cunt. Daddy needs some new shoes.”
His laugh ripped at my skin like a grater, exposing all of my nerves to the horror of what he was saying. My time was up. That thing that had been growing inside me burst up into my lungs, and I had to hold my breath so I could swallow it down. I needed to be meek, for just a little while longer. I bowed my head to hide the fire in my eyes, my sudden rage. I regulated my breathing and answered softly.
