Chapter Nine
“Ze, wait for me, I’m coming!”
I was running behind him. He was just out of reach, but as fast as I was running, I wasn’t catching up. I pulled down deep and ran faster than I ever thought possible, finally making some headway. After what felt like hours, I was able to reach out to him, my mate. His broad back, I would recognize anywhere. I could feel his familiar aura mixing with my magic in a way that felt like home. My hand caught his shoulder, and I urged him to stop and turn to face me. I couldn’t wait to fall into his arms and see that gorgeous face I loved so much.
When he finally stopped, I slammed into his back with a slap and bounced back a few steps. As I righted, he turned and faced me at last.
His face was the same as I remembered, but as I stepped forward, it began to morph and change. His eyes hollowed, his lips curled, and I realized this wasn’t Ze at all.
It was Culin.
He laughed at me and the tears that sprang to my eyes. The sound shredded the happiness I had felt only a moment before.
“He’s dead, you cubbie whore, and you’ll never be happy or whole again.”
Iwoke up screaming…again.
It had happened so many times over the last three weeks that I didn’t even bother wondering if I’d disturbed Geordie or the others. They were probably used to my screams by now. They had to be used to my tears. The loneliness was a shroud surrounding me every day of the last weeks.
I longed to feel Ze’s energy mixed with mine. I missed his voice and even his gruff commands when he was feeling bossy with his boy. I would give anything if I could still be in Starke Penitentiary if it meant my Ze was still alive and with me. I drifted through the days, avoiding everyone. They tried to get me to talk, but I refused. The only sounds from my lips were my screams for Ze in the middle of the night. Other than that, I was silent in my sorrow.
I tried to stay in my room of this little cabin in the woods. We’d fled from the prison in the middle of the night and driven for hours, maybe days? I wasn’t sure anymore to be honest. Time didn’t seem to mean much to me anymore. Days turned into night, then to day again and I still couldn’t find enough reason to care.
For the most part, the others left me alone, all except Geordie. I was happy to stay in my small twin bed, curled in on myself so I couldn’t see their pitying looks or sad eyes watching me for any signs that I would cry or scream again. The looks of pity were the worst. I already felt enough without the added weight of those looks. But Geordie wouldn’t let me hide. He insisted I get up every day. He made me leave my nest of blankets and sadness at least twice a day to shower and eat.
I never asked the questions that lingered in my mind. I wanted to know the answers, but at the same time I didn’t think I could handle the confirmation of my worst nightmares. Ze wasn’t here. He would have been here if he was okay. I knew that as sure as I knew my magic. He was gone and asking for affirmation wasn’t going to do anything but make my nightmares more vivid. Therefore, I just left it alone and kept my silence. There was comfort in my silence, day after day after day.
“Nial, you have to eat something.”
Geordie had been great to me over the last three weeks we’d been in this cabin in the woods. He’d been my constant companion, making sure I ate and took care of my basic needs. If he hadn’t, I probably would have withered away and died by now from the crushing sorrow I felt every second of every day.
Several times a day, I would try to cast out my energy into the world to see if it was all a joke and Ze was really all right. I never felt anything, of course, I wasn’t that strong. But I had to try. I was lost, drifting through my days.
The nights were worse.
I quietly cried myself to sleep every night. I prayed for an undisturbed few hours, with no dreams, no nightmares, but every night I would wake myself up crying out Ze’s name. The dream was always the same. My own keening cries would eventually wake me up, and I’d hear the echo of my voice begging him to come back.
But today was different. I could feel something different in Geordie today. He seemed excited and nervous this morning while he was trying to convince me to eat. This was new, and I decided I would finally end my silence for the first time in weeks.
“What’s going on, Geordie?”
My voice was gravelly and rough from disuse and my cries in the night. I didn’t recognize my own face in the mirror these last few days since I’d lost so much weight, so it shouldn’t have been a surprise I didn’t recognize my voice either.
“Um, you need to get dressed in the clothes I just put on your bed, Nial. We have to go into town today.”
Geordie wouldn’t look me in the eyes and just moved around the cabin’s tiny kitchen, cleaning counters that were already pristine. I brushed his energy, and all I could get was nerves and apprehension. Not helpful.
I got up from the tiny dinette table in the corner and went to see what I had to wear. When I saw the dress shirt and suit spread across the bed, I got very suspicious. The dress shoes were highly polished and new, and as I checked them, my size.
What the hell is going on?
I yelled from the bedroom, “Geordie, where are we supposed to be going that I need a suit and new shoes?”
Geordie was very slow to respond but eventually came into the room with an apologetic smile.
“I’m sorry, Nial, I should have told you sooner, but you were.” He stopped and looked extremely uncomfortable. “Um, you weren’t sleeping well, and I didn’t want you to worry about anything until it was time. Now, it’s time, so I can tell you.”
Geordie looked so excited all of a sudden that my own mood lifted for just a moment so I could feel his joy at whatever he was about to tell me.
