Chapter Five
The next twenty-four hours went by faster than I thought possible, thanks to Ze. He was prepared for this type of thing and had a stash of food for us. He let me borrow a book from his collection, and he had a spare cup for me to get water from the sink.
The cell was cold all day long and never seemed to get warmer, even in the middle of the day. I stayed huddled in my bunk with my blanket wrapped around me and read a surprisingly good action adventure. It had been years since I had read a novel. I was enjoying it so much I never noticed the day was waning, until I couldn’t see the words on the page for the shadows in the room.
I wasn’t tired since I hadn’t done anything all day but sit. Ze had mentioned we probably wouldn’t have any light tonight since the guards were still punishing us. I rewrapped my blanket around me again and fell back onto my pillow, thinking I would try to sleep, if there was nothing else to do. I was determined to rest while I could. Even though I was cold and my hunger was creeping back in with a small gnawing in my tummy, I managed to drop off eventually.
What had to be hours later, a loud tapping sound woke me from a deep sleep. I couldn’t place the sound, but it was very close and resonated in my skull like a jackhammer. My jaw hurt, and I kept jerking involuntarily. I opened my eyes, and the absolute darkness consumed me. I couldn’t see anything but the absence of all light. All I could feel was indescribable cold. My blanket had tangled around me in my restless sleep, but even when I tried to reposition it, I couldn’t get rid of the freezing numbness enveloping me. As the minutes clicked by, and I slowly became aware of my surroundings, I realized it was freezing in here.Iwasfreezingin here.
As a niffling, a non-shifting shifter, there were things I couldn’t do that regular shifters took for granted. They could hear the smallest sounds, scent danger, lies, and fear. And they could regulate their temperature. Shifters normally ran much hotter than Others and humans. And niffs couldn’t regulate their temperature at all. I didn’t run hotter, couldn’t increase my inner temperature to counteract the freezing temperature in my cell. I wasn’t being dramatic.I was freezing to death.
My medical training taught me that I needed help, or I wouldn’t last the night. I had no idea how cold it was, but as the clouds outside parted and the dim moonlight finally began spilling in through the back window, I could see a thick steam billowing from my nose and mouth with every breath. I tried to move, get up and run in place, anything to increase my temperature, but I’d waited too long. I was stiff. My muscles weren’t reacting when I mentally ordered them to move. Other than the constant chattering of my teeth, which was the noise that had caused me to wake up in the first place, I couldn’t hear a thing. After the way Ze had talked to me after our first sexual encounter and the distance he had put between us emotionally if not physically, I was reluctant to ask him for help. I didn’t have a choice, though, if I wanted to live.
Then a thought popped into my head and wouldn’t go away.
Do I want to live?
That was the million dollar question, wasn’t it? I considered my situation. I was in prison. In a cell with a man who swore to protect me one minute, used me in delicious ways, and then immediately pulled back emotionally. If he used my emotional vulnerability against me all day, every day, I didn’t think I would be able to tell the truth from lies over time. I would learn my place, become what he wanted me to be, and lose myself for the sake of saving my life. Was it worth it?
The more I considered the question, the only answer I could settle on was yes. Yes, it was worth it. For some reason I would never be able to explain if asked, I believed that the indifference from Ze was an act. I could tell more over time, but my gut was telling me to believe the feeling and play along for a while.
My heart, gut, and mind could all take a back seat at the moment though. If I didn’t get some help and warm up tonight, the decision would be out of my hands anyway. I sucked up my nerves, my pride and reached out for the only help I had available.
“Ze?”
There was no answer for a minute, so I tried again. My teeth were chattering uncontrollably, so my words were stuttering.
“Zezezee. Zeee, heeelppp mememee, p…p…please.”
There was still no answer. There was no way he couldn't have heard me with his enhanced hearing.He doesn’t want to help you, Nial. He got what he wanted and threw you away. He doesn’t care if you freeze, he can get any other cub out there to fill your place.
The voices you hear in the night, in the dark, kept telling me he wanted me dead. He didn’t care. The thought that he didn’t care seemed to tear loose something inside me. It felt like when my mother had died, and I missed her so much. Why the thought of this man not caring gave me a sense of mourning was anyone’s guess. My soul was crying out for him to help me. Some burgeoning feeling, somehow linked to my magic, was telling me he was supposed to be here, supposed to be keeping me safe.
I felt like I was losing my mind. The thoughts kept swirling, insisting. Then my mind began to slow down, and I was glad of it. I couldn’t handle the thought of death and the feelings of intense loss and betrayal. It made no sense, but maybe that was what dying felt like. Now I knew, but I’d never be able to tell anyone.
I couldn’t feel my toes or fingers now, and my chest was beginning to feel warm. I had been cold for so long that I needed to feel warm again.
I was getting sleepy now, too. So fucking sleepy. A seductive warmth crept in, and my eyes drifted closed. My brain was fuzzy, but I remembered learning right before you froze to death, you would feel a sense of warmth and get very sleepy. I was freezing to death. I was going to die, and I couldn’t stop the process by myself. My chattering teeth had stopped, at least there was that. I could hear a metallic clink and some shuffling in the cell now. So Zewasignoring me and didn’t care at all. My gut had been wrong for the very first time. The lethargy taking me over made the pain easier to bear. I had to ask one final question, even if I never got to hear the answer.
“Ze, you promised to help me. Why didn’t you keep your promise?”
I closed my eyes, and the warmth seeped into my heart. I could feel my body being moved, lifted. There was a deep voice speaking to me, but I was too far away to hear what it was saying. My power tried to surge forward in this last minute of life, but there was no hope. I drifted farther from the voice. There was warmth in the distance. Oblivion was just on the other side, and I reached for it with numb and frozen fingers.
* * *
“Nial, wake up! You have to wake up. If you stay asleep, you’ll never wake up again.”
I didn’t recognize the man’s voice talking to me, but I understood the orders. I knew that voice was right. If I went to sleep, I’d stay asleep forever. I tried to pull my mind back to the present, pull my body back to consciousness, but the distance seemed insurmountable. I couldn’t hold onto anything mentally to help pull me back out of my mind.
“Nial? Honey? You need to wake up now. I’m going to give you something to help you get warm. Come on and open your eyes for Sallyann.”
I remembered that voice. I imagined her sweet face, pointed ears, and big doe eyes. She was so pretty, and she was Fae. If anyone could fix me, it was her. The Fae were known for their healing abilities. The other voice kept talking, continuing a conversation that must have started before I could understand what they were saying.
“Sall, what are we gonna do? He’s almost dead, and if he dies, Ze is gonna flip his shit. You saw him when he brought him in here. He was pale as me, and I lost all my blood centuries ago.”
“Eugene, for the Goddesses’ sake quit fretting. He’s going to be fine. I already did my thing, and his color is coming back every second we’re here. Do not talk about Ze when there’s a possibility he can hear you. You know what he’s like. And now? Just…don’t risk it. You might not die easily, but talk bad about Nial, and Ze would find a way to make you suffer.”
“Sall, I know all that. I’m old, not senile, for fuck’s sake. I’m just saying that this whole thing is going sideways faster than we can handle. How are we supposed to deal with it all when Ze is worried about his…”
