He didn’t speak for several long minutes, but I waited. This was his story to tell, or not. But I would wait and follow his lead. Finally, he began to speak, never moving anything but his lips, arms hugging himself tighter as he went.
“I remember my dad in small snippets. They’re fuzzy memories, more impressions really, but I remember we were happy. We traveled a lot. Dad took odd jobs, and Mom waitressed wherever we went. They liked to be free spirits. About a year after Remy and Rhett were born, Dad died. I’m not sure what happened, Mom would never say, just that he had gone to heaven and would never be back. After that, we were never as happy. I didn’t realize it then, but she went into a deep depression and started drinking to numb the pain. I don’t think she ever did anything else, like drugs or anything like that, but I can’t be sure.
I was almost four when Dad died and Mom checked out. So really as long as I can remember, the twins were mine to raise. I did the best a little kid can do. We lived from motel to motel, city to city until I was fifteen and the twins were thirteen. We were in New Orleans for a few months, when Mom just disappeared. I was doing all I could do to make money for us to eat.” Ladd was getting agitated now, shaking a little and gripping his shirt at his waist tighter and tighter. “I did my best to take care of us. I was alone with two brothers to take care of, and I was only fifteen, for fuck’s sake. I bussed tables at a local place, and he paid me under the table. There was this pimp that kept trying to turn me out, but I swear to you, Connor, I never sold myself.” He heaved a sob, and I couldn’t take his suffering any longer.
“Come here,” I said and reached over and pulled him into my chest. He came willingly, gripping his arms tightly around my waist and burying his head in my neck. In this cradled position he calmed down after a few minutes and continued.
“One night a guy broke into our apartment looking for mom. He attacked the twins and Rhett managed to knock him out. When I was packing all of our stuff for us to make a run for it, I found a letter Mom had gotten from a PI saying my Dad’s family was looking for us. I was so pissed at her for not saying anything. I could have killed her myself for hiding the fact we had family." He squeezed me tighter like I was the only thing anchoring him to the present. He was lost in his terrible memories, so I held him tight and waited for him to come back to me. He cried so long that I could feel the wetness soak through until the skin beneath was damp with it.
Eventually, he sniffed back his tears and finished his story. “We came here to Fairpoint that night. The night the guy attacked us. Uncle James came and got us. He wanted to help Mom, too, if she wanted to be helped. He asked his private investigator friend, Mr. Parsons, to look for her or find out what happened to her. Two days after we left, they found her,” Ladd started shaking again, his voice trembling, “but it was too late.” God, my poor boy had lived such a hard life. All I wanted to do at that moment was keep him wrapped in my arms forever and keep the wolves at bay.
“Shh, it’s okay, Ladd, I’ve got you, and I’m not letting go until you want me to.” I crooned, gently rocking him back and forth.
Eventually, he calmed down and pulled back a little. Lifting his right hand up, he roughly wiped the tears from his face. “I’m so sorry to have ruined your date.” He was looking anywhere but at me and I wasn’t having that.
“Oh, no you don’t. You are not taking responsibility for something that’s not your fault. That asshole inside with the broken nose is the one responsible for this little hiccup, not you. And it’sourdate, not mine. Plus, our night’s not done, it hasn’t even really begun yet.”
I thought for a second about Ladd’s reluctance to go to the restaurant earlier, and I realized, “I’m thinking you knew this was a place that Parker liked to go?” At Ladd’s nod, I understood. “So that’s why you were reluctant to go there.” Another nod, this time he lifted his still watery eyes up to mine. His small but sturdy body clutched in my embrace, his blue eyes peered so trustingly up into mine. He was heartbreakingly beautiful at that moment. I wanted to hold him like that forever, but I kept my thought to myself. He wouldn’t understand the feelings of protectiveness I already felt toward him. I didn’t even realize the depth of my feelings until this moment. I needed to process them first. Because how could I ever hope to explain how badly I wanted to keep all the bad in the world away from him if I didn’t understand it myself. But I knew, at this moment, that I wanted to be his knight. I wanted to slay all his dragons for him if he would let me.
I could hold my feelings to myself for a little while longer, but I needed one thing to tide me over. I leaned down and softly touched my lips to his. I was going to keep it small and light, but Ladd had other ideas. He threw both of his arms around my neck and pulled me back when I would have let him go. I let out a grunt when his lips hit mine again, and he took advantage, pushing his tongue into my mouth and taking me over completely. He wasn’t gentle but demanded me to participate. We fought for dominance, sliding tongues and clicking teeth saying what we couldn’t say out loud just yet. Eventually, Ladd loosened up his hold, and we slowed to a stop, both of us panting and resting our foreheads together.
“Wow.” Was all my brilliant mind could come up with at the moment, but it did the trick.
Ladd returned my smile with one of his own, “Yeah, that was definitely wow.”
We pulled back a little, and I finally got my brain in gear. I gave Ladd a little shake and a smirk, “Okay, well, now that we’re through with all of the negativity, we’ve got a date to start over.” Ladd gave me a hint of a smile as my hands trailed down his arms and I caught his hands. I held them out to either side of us and shook them out, giving my butt a little shimmy to get another smile out of him. It worked so well that he started to giggle this time and finally his laughing eyes were back.
I quit shaking my booty, dropped our hands still clasped together and turned us toward the door to my truck. “Now, Mr. Eldridge, I need to feed you, so where should we go?” He looked up with another shy smile.
“You don’t really have to take me anywhere, Connor. The night is pretty much ruined anyway, but thanks for being sweet. I’m sure you’ve had enough of me for one night.” His smile was gone now, and he looked so sad. I wouldn’t let him push me away though, so I needed to set him straight, right now.
I leaned down until my eyes were level with his and stared into those blue depths for a moment before once again laying it all on the line. “Ladd Eldridge, don’t presume to tell me what I am or am not tired of. I am so sorry that this happened to you tonight. I wish I could make it go away, but I have to confess something. I’m glad that if it had to happen, that I was here to help. And I’m honored that you trusted me enough to tell me about your past. I told you earlier today that I wanted to experience everything with you. That doesn’t count for just the fun and happy things in life. I want all of your hurt, your pain, and your sadness, too. Because if you don’t share your pain with me, then I can’t help make it go away.”
Ladd gave me a slow blink as he processed what I said. “That sounds beautiful, Connor, but I don’t know if I can do that just yet. I’m not sure I can trust that much so soon. I don’t want to hurt you or make you think that I’ll never be able to, but I want to be honest. I’ve been left behind and hurt so many times in my life. I don’t think I’ll survive losing someone else I care for.”
I hugged my brave man to me and squeezed him. He had shared some of his past with me tonight, and I decided I needed to do the same. “Thank you for being honest, Ladd. I understand being left behind, trust me. I was dumped by my ex nine months ago. I was ready to ask him to marry me. I had bought the ring and planned the proposal, everything was all set, and I was so excited. I wanted to be married, have a home together, maybe even kids. And I truly believed I could have that with Troy. But a week before I was going to pop the question, he told me I wasn’t enough for him and left me. I was devastated. And if I’m honest, it still hurts so fucking much. So believe me, I understand being leery. I’m going to promise you something right now though. I’m not jerking you around here. I really like you, and I’m sticking around for as long as you’ll have me.” I ended the hug with another squeeze, then stepped back.
“Okay so let’s get to our date.” I clapped my hands together and opened the truck door for Ladd to jump in. He didn’t wait for my help this time, and I didn’t push. He likely needed time to think through what I had said. By the time I got into the driver’s seat and started the engine.
Ladd had turned in his seat and asked. “How did you know he had a broken nose?” I wasn’t following so I scrunched up my eyebrows, turned my head to the side, and frowned.
“Who?”
Ladd looked just as confused, then elaborated. “Parker. How did you know that I broke his nose a couple of weeks ago? It looked completely healed when I looked at him tonight.”
I couldn’t hold in my incredulous snort. “You broke that asshole’s nose a few weeks ago? How did that happen?” I really wanted to hear this story.
“It was the first and only time he slept over, and he was being a demanding douche the next morning while I was trying to get ready for work. I told him no, and he started spouting off some pretty offensive stuff. Well, he went one step too far, and I clocked him in the face. But I still don’t know how you knew he had a broken nose.”
I was cracking up when I realized what I had just done. Not only did I break the asshole’s nose, but I also cracked it after it had already just healed. Damn, that was going to hurt. Ladd was laughing with me now if still a little subdued. “I knew his nose was broken because I had just hit him in the face and broken it…again.” Ladd threw his hand up over his mouth in disbelief and then busted out giggling. After all of the heartbreaking events and revelations of the night, it was the sweetest sound. I continued laughing while I pulled out of the parking lot and turned toward downtown. “Hey, I hear there’s an Art Walk downtown tonight. How about we check that out and grab something from a food truck. It’s not fancy, but it might be fun.” I was hoping he would like this idea. I was thinking on the fly.
Ladd’s eyes lit up when I mentioned the Art Walk. “Oh, I would love that. We can stop by Aunt Lillian’s gallery. Remy might be down there with his most recent work, too. I think you’ll really like both of them.” He looked excited to go see his family if his smile was any indication. I was glad we were finally getting this date back on the right track.
