Chapter Five
Why didI have to be the way I was? I lamented my hang-ups in my head the whole time I was walking around with Connor, talking about tile and faucets. “So, you like the solid white tiles in the bathroom, but you want to stick with something like granite for the counters in the kitchen, is that right?” I was holding up the samples I had brought for Connor to look at, but my mind was not in the moment. As I watched him debate the colors of granite for the counters and try to pick the paint colors that would best complement each one, I kept thinking, why am I so scared to take a chance with this funny, kind, sexy man? But deep down, I knew why. I had been left behind so many times in my life. The two most important people in my life had both left me before I was really old enough to take care of myself. Men never seemed to stick around either. My quirks with cleanliness and so many other things were always a huge factor. My looks were another. But I also had a bad habit of keeping my feelings locked up tight. Growing up the way I had, made me extremely guarded with my emotions. If I didn’t get close, then I couldn’t be hurt when I had to move in the middle of the night, change schools a few weeks before break, or when my mother walked out the door and never came back.
Connor finally made his tile selections on the last apartment unit, and we were essentially done for the day. I made the notes I would need for the order, but I was still lost in my thoughts of the past. I walked out of the unit in front of Connor onto the landing, still writing down the granite name and the measurements we had taken earlier. My mind was circling with thoughts of the current project and thoughts of the past, and I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going. I knew better than to get distracted on a construction site, but my mind was deeply lost in bad memories when I heard, “Ladd! Look out!” But it was too late, Connor yelled at me just as I tripped on a broken floorboard and began to pitch forward over the second story banister, heading toward the floor below. I was staring down at the empty marble foyer for what felt like a lifetime and knew I was going down. I was so scared of the pain I would feel and the possibility I wouldn’t survive, all because I had been living in my bad memories yet again. I knew it was only a split second, but I had enough time to come to few decisions as I pitched over toward my fate. But before I could make it all the way over, I was jerked back suddenly against something solid, and I closed my eyes to keep away the panic that suddenly began settling in.
“My God, you scared the life out of me. When I saw you trip, I was afraid I wouldn’t get to you in time.” Connor was talking softly but intently in my ear now. I was still being held closely, my back to Connor’s solid chest, and the strength I felt behind me helped me to calm down slightly. His breathing was as erratic as mine, and I knew we’d both been scared to death at the possibility he couldn’t catch me in time. I wiggled a little, thinking I needed to stand on my own and not rely too much on Connor, but he held tight and wouldn’t let me go. “No, give yourself a minute to get your legs back under you. And let me hold on for a second while I calm down, too, if you don’t mind too much. I feel like if I let you go right now, you’ll still be falling. Does that make sense?”
I settled back more comfortably and just soaked up the safety Connor’s hold seemed to be providing. It felt wonderful in Connor’s strong arms, so I leaned my head back against his sturdy chest and just nodded slightly. “Yeah, it makes perfect sense actually. I feel like the only thing keeping me from pitching over that railing again is you.” I reached my hands up and clasped them over Connor’s where they were holding me around my slim chest. As we stood there, I noticed how perfectly I fit against him, my head sitting just under his chin which he was now rubbing back and forth on the side of my head in an unconscious caress.
It was so peaceful that we just stood for long minutes neither one of us speaking to break the quiet contentment. Time actually didn’t seem to mean anything in those moments. Connor just held tight, and I soaked in the feeling of safety he was lending me. It was the first time I could ever remember feeling this safe with a man. It might have been the adrenaline wearing off, but I didn’t think so. I was pretty sure it was all Connor. It felt like nothing and no one could ever get through the hold Connor had around me, and I never wanted it to end. But like all things, the moment did finally end when my alarm started going off on my phone.
I squeezed Connor’s hands and pulled out my phone and realized it was later than I thought. I was due back at the office for another appointment. “Damn, I’m supposed to be back at the office for a meeting in thirty minutes.” I did not feel like sitting in a meeting at this moment. I wasn’t even sure if I could stand on my own, let alone drive to the office. My heart was still racing, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d almost died and there were so many things I hadn’t done yet in my life. Still holding me tight, Connor reached down and took my phone from my hands. He thumbed through my contacts, found the name he was looking for and called the number. It rang twice before a familiar voice said, “Ladd dear, I know, you’re running late again, right? It’s fine, honey, you don’t even really need to be here if it’s going to be a problem. You should stay there with that lovely Connor and y’all have lunch together. He’s such a nice catch, Ladd dear.”
If I hadn’t been going through an existential crisis and reliving my almost death, I would have been mortified by my aunt. As it was, I was thankful for the distraction.
“Ms. Eldridge, this is Connor, I’m calling to let you know that Ladd had a little accident and he won’t be making the meeting.”
“Oh, my God! Connor, is Ladd all right? Where is he? Are you on the way to the hospital? I’m leaving now!” Aunt Helen was in a panic in two-point-two seconds. It would have been funny if it wasn’t almost true.
“Aunt Helen, I’m fine really, I just had a scare. I almost fell over the second story railing, but Connor caught me before I went over. I’m just really shaken up, and I think I need to calm down a little before I can drive.”
“Well, of course you do, honey. You take a little while and calm down. Will you be able to make the meeting late this afternoon? Mr. Davenport wanted your input on the new library addition. If you can’t make it, I can reschedule for next week, but I know his schedule is tricky.”
“Yes, I’ll be able to make it. I should be fine by then. I’m just still jittery right now. Thank you, Aunt Helen. I’ll see you in a little while.”
“Think nothing of it, honey. And Connor, thank you for saving our Ladd. You have my eternal gratitude, my boy.” And with that, she hung up.
Connor, who was still holding me tightly, gave me back my phone, squeezed my hand and asked, “Are you good to stand on your own again? I think I can let you go without a panic attack now.” He gave me a rumbling chuckle I felt through my back pressed against his chest, and the feeling settled into me with one final piece of calm and safety. I nodded my head, not trusting my voice for a second and stepped away, immediately missing his heat and solid presence against me, then turned toward him. As I scanned his handsome face, I remembered I had made a decision as I faced my fate over the railing. I would start to take chances if I made it. I played my life so safely for fear of being hurt that I hadn’t really begun to live at all. I wanted a family, a man of my own and to be happy. None of those things would happen without risk. And standing in front of me, this was the first risk I was willing to take.
“Connor, I can never thank you enough for catching me. I would be dead now if not for you.” I reached out and grabbed his large hand in my smaller one. Squeezing his fingers, I took a chance. “Can I take you to lunch tomorrow? I know it’s not much, but I’d like to at least do something to show my gratitude.”
If his smile was anything to go by, Connor was very happy with my proposal. “That would be great, Ladd. I’d like that very much. But for now, why don’t we walk down the street and get you a coffee. Getting out of all this construction and getting some fresh air will do you good.”
I nodded my assent, and he gently put his arm around my shoulder as we turned toward the staircase. “I want to make sure you don’t trip down the stairs.” He nodded toward his arm, “Is that okay?” He looked uncertain, and I had no words to tell him how all right it was, so I just nodded and walked down the stairs with him holding me close.
The walk to the coffee stand was quick, and the coffee was delicious. We strolled around the square for a little while consuming our drinks and simply talking. I told him the history of a few of the buildings we passed. It seemed like everyone who knew me was out and about this afternoon, so I made quick introductions and small talk with a few passersby. It was a small town, so I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone in the family knew by the end of the day I was seen strolling with a gorgeous man in the square. As we were making our way back to the building, I looked at my phone and knew I would be late, again, if I didn’t get going. “Listen, I really have to go, but I’ll text you where we can meet tomorrow. Can you do early lunch, maybe at eleven?” He nodded, and I headed down the sidewalk, very carefully, and made my way to the office. I had a lunch date with a wonderful man tomorrow. Now I just needed to decide what to do about it.
* * *
The next morning,I was giving Taylor a brief rundown on the day’s schedule before I left for lunch. I told him about my near miss the day before and then went on to tell him about my experience the last two weeks working with Connor. “Tay, I can’t tell you how great Connor was yesterday, actually the last two weeks. He’s really focused, but he’s listening to every one of our plans and willing to compromise where it counts. I swear if all of our clients were this easy, we’d never go over budget or miss a deadline.”
Taylor gave me a patronizing smile and looked down at me like he was looking at something amiss. “Watch out, Ladd, I think your crush is showing.”
I wasn’t sure if I was ready to tell Taylor about my decisions regarding Connor. If I said it out loud and nothing came of it, I didn’t think I’d be able to handle the pitying looks from him. “Shut it, jerk. I donothave a crush. Connor is a client, nothing more and nothing less. He just happens to care about the building as much as I do, and I admire that about him. He’s sincere, professional…”
“And sexy as fuck with a hero complex, you forgot that one.” He huffed his exasperation at my stubbornness, “Brother, if you don’t open your eyes, you’re gonna miss out. That man is a huge wall of fine that I would give my best pair of Tom Ford loafers to climb, and you know how much I love my quality footwear. And believe me, I’d be all over that if he didn’t already have his sights on you. So, get your head out of your ass for a hot minute and start sending the guy some smoke signals before I decide to break the bro code and climb Mt. Connor my own damn self.” Then he was out the door. Huh, Taylor was seriously miffed.
I thought about the last two weeks and decided he was right, as usual. Connor had been sending me subtle and not so subtle signals, but I had been ignoring them, or trying to anyway. Getting involved with a client was always iffy at best. If it went bad, it could compromise the whole project. And there lay the crux of the situation, even more than my emotional issues and personal hang-ups. This project was important to me. I didn’t want to compromise the integrity of the building or the finished product. I hadn’t told Taylor, or anyone really, but I had been debating the Connor situation since the moment I met him. I wanted to climb Mt. Connor, too. I wanted to lick him, bite him, and ride him like a fucking bull. I wanted him to pick me up and then hold me down. I wanted to feel his strength and not have to worry about him using it against me. My thoughts where Connor McDaniel was concerned were anything but professional. I’d never felt like this about anyone before, and the thought was equal parts exciting and scary. It felt like we were opposite ends of a magnet, and I constantly felt pulled toward him, especially after he had saved me and held me tight. I couldn’t get that feeling of safety out of my head. I was tired of fighting. I had thought through all of the consequences of starting something with Connor and finally made a decision. “Fuck it. I want to take a chance for once.”
And I was going to start today. I really wanted something real for once, but my track record with guys was shit. I knew what I looked like. I had bright red wavy hair, pale skin with not one freckle, and blue eyes. To say my looks were unique was a gross understatement. I’d had so many men over the years seem really interested in me at first, but as soon as they had gotten what they wanted, they quickly faded away. It was almost like they all had aGinger Twinkon their gay boy Fuck-It List, and once the box had been checked, they could move on. I was so tired of feeling like a novelty.
Just before eleven, I pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant I’d chosen for our lunch, then went around to the huge patio overlooking the water to get us a table. I was on time for once, but it looked like Connor was late. Figured one of the only times I wasn’t late there was no one there to see it. The patio was empty this time of the morning before the lunch crowd arrived. I liked the peace and quiet. When the server came over, I ordered us both sweet teas and quickly adjusted the umbrella at the table so it would give me some more coverage from the sun. It would be really attractive to be Lobster Boy when Connor finally got here. As I waited, I stared out over the water, sipped my tea and hoped against hope that I wasn’t going to be making a huge mistake. I noticed a shadow approaching and turned just in time to see Connor approaching the table. I smiled up at him and admired his outfit for the day of light wash jeans and a tight blue t-shirt that looked painted onto his broad chest. Yeah, I definitely wanted to climb that.
“Hey, Ladd, hope I didn’t keep you waiting long.” Oh, that deep rumbling voice saying my name gave me shivers every time I heard it. Damn, Connor could probably make me come just by demanding me to in that voice. I was watching his handsome face smile back at me, but then he narrowed his eyes, “Are you okay out here, Ladd? Do you want to move inside? I know I texted I’d like to sit on the patio, but I don’t want you to get sunburned. Your skin is so nice and pale. I’d hate for you to risk burning on my account.” I was getting a little sun on my cheeks, but I had slathered on sunscreen before heading out this morning. Connor reached his hand out toward my face like he wanted to touch my cheek—where I probably had gotten a little sun already—before he caught himself. He balled his hand into a fist and shoved it into his pocket like he was embarrassed by his involuntary motion.
I melted inside at his obvious concern. Guys in the past had always complained about my sensitivity to the sun, among other things. My skin was super pale and delicate. I never tanned, I only burned and peeled, and that shit was painful. It was just another in a long list of things guys hated about me, but Connor showed more concern for me in just two weeks than other guys had ever shown me even after months-long relationships.
If I belonged to this man, I bet I’d never have to worry about anything ever again. I bet he’d be my dragon slayer.
