“It is,” he pressed. “You’re looking at things through a lifetime of those words. You can’t see you like I do.”
She twisted toward him. “What does that mean? What do you see? Because I can’t stop seeing their faces. The venom, the hate. I don’t understand how they can both want me home, but want to hurt me at the same time. And the worst part is, a part of me believes what they said.”
“Flick, no—”
“I know. It’s preposterous, but that is what I grew up believing. A woman who has done the things I’ve done does not deserve kindness,charity, forgiveness. I should be punished.”
“No,” he said forcefully. “They should be beaten to death for their crimes against you.”
“The voice in my head, my father’s voice, says differently, and I cannot make it quiet. I don’t know how to keep going, I just know I have to. There is a part of me that wants to live, if only I can run fast enough, far enough. I thought if I married, a husband would overshadow that voice, overpower my father’s words. But who’s going to marry me now? Everyone in the Den knows, and word will spread. I can’t stay here any longer. There is no hope of ever escaping them or seeing my sisters again. The best I can do now is get as far away as possible.”
“Flick, look at me.”
She raised her gaze to his.
“You have to stop running—this running isn’t escaping. Even if they can’t find you, they still live here.” He touched her temple. “You want to see your sisters again. You want to prove them wrong. You want to show them that the power they once had over you is gone. But you can only do that by remaining here.”
“I can’t. I’m sorry. I’m too ashamed to face anyone at the Den after what they heard. It doesn’t matter if it is true or not, and it never has. I wish I could be as strong as you, but I’m not. I can’t parade myself around the gaming floor and think one of these men will want to marry me and save me. I’m such a fool.”
“Then we’re both fools. I thought I could help you get over your fears, kiss you, touch you, and be able to let you go like nothing I felt mattered. But it’s killing me. You might think no one can see past your history or care for you, but you’re wrong and I can prove it to you. This may be the last chance I ever get to say this, to have you completely to myself. But no matter what happens, these feelings will not change. My heart will always belong to you, Flick. I’ll be empty without you, but at least I’ll know you will always carry a piece of mewith you. I love you, Flick.”
Her lips parted. “Tristan.”
“I started falling for you the first time you smiled at me. I knew it was hopeless. I’m in no position to care for a wife, but I still dreamed that one day I’d wake up next to you in Lark Hall. But everything changed, and now we’re here. The one thing that didn’t change was how I felt about you.”
“But you pulled away—I felt it before.”
“Because I knew that dream would never come true. You were beyond my reach. But I still fell in love with you. Nothing will change that, not even when you marry another man. So please stay. Just a little while longer, because I don’t think I can physically let you go. Not yet, not before I know you’re safe and... happy.”
Her eyes welled up as she held his gaze. His declaration hung in the air like a sword about to cleave his head, or his heart—both belonged to her. He was stupid and reckless, but he couldn’t find the urge to care. He needed to say these words aloud for his own sanity, or they would have sat inside him, withering his soul like a prayer never answered, a wish never granted. Flick needed to hear these words. She needed a different voice in her head—his, preferably—telling her how wonderful and precious she was to him, to every person she touched with her kindness.
He waited, his heart crawling up his throat as the seconds ticked past.
Chapter Fifteen
Felicity reached forhim. Her heart pounded as warmth pushed away the ice in her veins. He loved her? Truly? After all that he’d seen and heard? He’d imagined a life for them? She curled her fingers around the lapels of his jacket.
“Safe and happy where?” If it wasn’t with him, she didn’t want it.
He exhaled heavily. “With someone worthy. Bloody Hugstead, most likely.”
Felicity shook her head as her heart revolted at the idea of marrying anyone else but him. “Why can’t I be safe and happy with you?”
“I can’t give you the life you deserve, Flick. I’m paying off my brother’s debt as fast as possible, but it could be years before I’m done. I don’t have a home or even a bed to call my own.”
“Those things don’t matter.”
“They do. I learned that in the most humiliating fashion, with my brother dead, my sister and brother devastated, and the three of us out on our arses. I’m dependent on charity. My cousin and his wife took them in.”
Felicity leaned forward, pressing her forehead to his. “It doesn’t matter to me.”
“It matters to me. It means that no matter how much I love you, to keep you, I’d have to be utterly selfish and ignore all the things that you want and need, like seeing your sisters again. If I can’t give you those things, then I don’t deserve you, and I won’t stand in the way of your future or your safety.”
“Dear, you are so concerned with serving others and never yourself.”
Mrs. Dove-Lyon had said those words to her not long ago. It wasn’t until this moment that Felicity understood them. She’d never wanted anything as much as she wanted Tristan Chase.
She cupped his cheek. Her heart was overflowing with love for him. She’d never felt this way, like she could shatter the world around her and only the two of them would exist. Like her own heart could explode with joy. She took in his features. He was so dark and serious, even now as his mussed hair toppled over his forehead and the lines around his eyes creased with worry. The blue fire of his irises was a stark contrast to all his shadows and a reminder of the fierceness of his character. He loved her, and she loved him. He’d brought her pleasure and happiness these past few days. He’d shown her that there was so much more beyond the little life she lived, beyond her fears and worries. He’d given so much to her, and now she had his love.
