“Yes,matrons. You’re an unwed young lady of the peerage. There are things you don’t know yet, Amelia, and shouldn’t learn there.” He leaned forward. “Moreover, we already have too much attention on all of us. One misstep and you’ll be scorned by all of society. Then your brother will be forced tomarry whomever the Widow chooses—all because you will have dragged the family name through the mud by putting your interests first. I’m sorry you were born a woman and are held to a different set of expectations than Alston or me, but that doesn’t change the situation we must deal with now. When you’re married—if you marry—it will be different.”
“And If I never marry? What then? At what age will I truly gain my independence? Thirty? Fifty? Am I supposed to remain chaste and unknowledgeable while I wait this undeterminable amount of time before I’m allowed free agency?”
“Amelia, a woman as beautiful and wealthy as you will always be a target. I can’t stop you from whatever future you make yourself once this charade ends, but right now you are mine to protect, even if I must sometimes protect you from yourself. And I may only be yourpretend fiancé, but I will burn this world to the ground before I let anyone or anything hurt you.”
“Graham,” she whispered. Her heart lurched at his words, beating so loudly that it was all she could hear. Her gaze moved over his face, like she’d never seen him before. Or like she was seeing him for the first time. She didn’t know what this feeling was that bubbled up inside her, but it was powerful and it made her want to crawl into his lap and kiss away the lines of worry between his brows.
“Don’t take me home,” she said. If they arrived home they’d go straight to Sam and never finish this conversation.
He shook his head. “Why not?”
“I want to... we should keep talking. There is so much between us, and I don’t think I understand any of it. For instance, when did we decide to hate each other?”
“I’ve never hated you, Amelia.”
“Then why did you distance yourself from me for so long? What did I do to deserve the way you’ve treated me, spoken to me? Is it just because I’m a woman?”
He looked up to the carriage ceiling and wiped his hand over his face. He knocked on the roof and called through the window, “Circle the park, Clyde.”
“Aye, sir,” came the reply, and the carriage, which had begun to slow, picked up pace again.
Amelia waited, her nerves stretching. “Why are we circling the park?”
“I thought you wanted to talk. This ensures us the most privacy if we’re not returning to Alston House.”
“Except for Clyde.”
“Do you plan on yelling?”
Amelia laughed quietly. “No. Not unless you don’t answer my question.”
He tugged on his cravat. “What question?”
Amelia crossed to his bench. “What is it about me you don’t like?”
He took a deep breath. “It isn’t that simple. I conduct myself as a gentleman should in regard to his behavior toward a gentlewoman.”
“You weren’t this cold when we first met. Why can my brother be your friend but not me?”
He tilted his head to the side. Because of the shadowed interior she couldn’t read his expression.
“For one, you’re a woman, and much younger when we met. You were just a girl then and reminded me a great deal of my sister, so that was how I treated you—not as friends, but with respect. I acted with honor and integrity. And your brother may be the same age in years, but he had far more in common with me even then than he did with men his own age. But the same could not be said for you and me.”
“I understand that, but why did you become so cold? Not polite and aloof, but cold. That isn’t how one treats a sister, andit isn’t respect. Everything I did upset you, no matter how small. Why?”
There was a moment of silence and he was as still as a statue. “I’d only just met Alston four months before. I hadn’t had time to truly get to know you. Then he invited me to your come-out ball and you were so damned beautiful that night it shook me. I knew I had to adjust my way of thinking and acting around you. I couldn’t talk to you as though you were a little girl like Daisy. So I put a wall between us to keep my distance for propriety’s sake and out of respect to both you and Alston.”
Heat washed over her body. “You went from congenial to disdain overnight, and I never knew what I did to deserve that.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I never meant to hurt you, and you didn’tdoanything. Once I saw you that night I knew I had to force this distance between us because I didn’t trust myself. You made me feel weak and reckless. I suppose the colder I was, the easier it was to maintain the distance I needed.”
His admission stunned her. After a moment she replied, “I grew to dislike you for that distance, and I looked for reasons to irritate you. I wanted to punish you for hurting my feelings.”
“You must admit I was right to impose that distance between us, however badly I did it. My attraction to you makes me do things I would never do otherwise.”
Amelia blushed. “Like enter into pretend engagements.”
“Or kiss you in an alcove at a ball. Your brother trusted me to take care of you, but not like this. What we’re doing is scandalous and will ruin all of us. Unless you’ve changed your mind and you agree to marry me as Alston suggested, this farce is destined to end badly.”
