He turned his laptop around and she could see that he was on the online banking website. Hopefully that meant he’d just discovered it and hadn’t had time to think things through.
Bernadette sat down at the table and took a deep breath, mustering every ounce of strength she possessed. ‘I did not steal it from you, Kenneth. That was my money too. My salary goes into that account.’
He fixed her with a chilling stare. ‘Did Nina or Stuart need it? Was it some kind of emergency?’
Oh Jesus, he was still deathly calm. This was the worst bit, right before the storm, when he would listen to her, as if taking symptoms from a patient, before delivering some brutal diagnosis.
‘No, I took it for me.’ Death knell about to be rung. ‘Kenneth, I’m leaving. And the way that I see this, you have two choices:
You can let me go and accept the situation. I’m taking no more than that money. A fair deal after thirty years of marriage.
Or you can rant and rave and try to intimidate me into staying, but I won’t, so you’ll be wasting your breath.’
He did the last thing she expected. He laughed. ‘Of course you’re not fucking leaving,’ he countered, as if she’d just said something completely preposterous.
Okay Bernadette, regroup. Be firm. Don’t let yourself be cowed.
‘Oh, I am, Kenneth – and there’s no point in talking it through or giving reasons, or shouting and screaming, because it’s happening and that’s it. Let’s end this peacefully.’
His top lip curled, a cruel gesture she’d seen way too many times before. ‘Is there someone else? That’s it. You’re fucking someone else.’ For a man who kept up the pretence of dignity and decorum, he wasn’t above getting crude when it served his purposes. Bernadette knew if she challenged him, returned the attitude, it would escalate so much quicker, so she kept calm, absolutely still, like she was in the presence of a viper that was hissing, ready to bite.
‘Trust me, Kenneth, the last thing I want in my life is another man, so let’s focus on the reality. Like I said, I wantnothing else from you. I’ve been miserable for years, and I can’t do it any more so I’m going to go now. This conversation is over.’
She moved forward, about to push herself up, when his fist came down on the table so hard the whole structure shook.
‘Sit down,’ he roared. ‘You’re not going anywhere. Don’t be so fucking ridiculous. Leave me? I’m all you’ve got. You’ve got nothing if you’re not my wife. Don’t think for a minute those kids will stand by you, because they’ll turn their backs on you just like I should have done years ago. Years ago!’
Every single word stung like a hot poker on her seared flesh, but she remained standing.
‘You need me more than I need you, you hopeless bitch. Now. Sit. The. Fuck. Back. Down.’
‘No,’ she said, quite simply. What was he going to do? Drag her back? Much as he was cruel, and vile and an unashamed bully, he’d never actually harmed her and she didn’t fear him physically.
His eyes widened with rage. ‘Don’t you dare walk out that fucking door,’ he roared again. It barely registered because she knew it didn’t matter anymore. She was leaving him and his abuse behind. Enough.
She took her keys out of her pocket, threw them on the table, turned and began to walk, stopping only when he spoke again. ‘Bernie…’ That was more of a shock than anything else. The shouting, the intimidation, the abuse, she expected. But he hadn’t called her ‘Bernie’ in over two decades. Now it was always Bernadette. Or bitch. What was even more astonishing than what he said, was how he said it. He’d flicked the anger off and now he was tender, convivial, trying to placate her.
‘Don’t leave,’ he said. ‘Bernie, we can talk about this, work something out.’
His change in tone was having no affect on her whatsoever, but she was curious to hear what angle he would come from next. ‘Why?’
That caught him off guard and it took him a few moments to answer.
‘Because we’ve got thirty years of history and two children, grandchildren, a future with our family.’
This was the kind of emotional manipulation he excelled at. The anger didn’t work, the control was slipping, so he was going for any other route he could take to change her mind. She was trying not to rise to white hot fury and lay it all out for him – the abuse, the control, the rages – but that would be sinking to his level.
‘But no love,’ she said, then watched as he had a sudden moment of realisation that he should have led with that.
‘Of course we have love!’
‘No, we don’t, Kenneth. For as long as I can remember, you’ve controlled me, bullied me, treated me with cruelty and disdain, and – God forgive me – I’ve let you. There’s been no love between us for a long, long time. Sometimes I wondered why you stayed with me, because Lord knows, you had other options. But we both know the truth – this is how you get your kicks. You need to be the big guy. To be in control. To get a rush from dominating me. It’s what gets you off, isn’t it? No more. I’m out. I wish you well, Kenneth, I really do. I hope you have an excellent life. But it’ll be one without me in it.’
Her pulse was still thumping, as once again, she started walking towards the door, the hairs on the back of her neck standing up in both fear and an overwhelming sense of relief. She was almost out. Almost.
‘You get back here, you stupid bitch!’ he growled, fury spitting from every word. ‘Because trust me, I will destroy you.I will ruin your fucking life. I’ll make sure the kids never want to have anything to do with you again. There is nothing, NOTHING, I won’t do to make you see that this is the biggest mistake of your fucking, miserable, worthless life, until you come crawling back to me, begging me to take you back.’
‘I don’t think so, Dad.’ The voice made Bernadette freeze, her focus going to the corner of the room, behind Kenneth. Stuart. He was there at the back door, Nina beside him, and from the expressions on their faces, she knew that they’d heard it all and that realisation destroyed her. Their whole lives she’d protected them from knowing this side of him, and now they’d just seen it in all its Technicolor glory.
