‘I wish you’d said something.’
Nina shrugged. ‘Mum, some people go through their whole lives like that because it’s what works for them. I’m not going to take sides in this, and to be honest, I don’t want to know the details – I think that’s between you and Dad – but I understand and I’ll support you. I just want you both to be happy.’
A lump formed in Bernadette’s throat. ‘How did you get so wise?’
‘Ah, that’s Dad’s genes,’ she joked. ‘I’m kidding! Look, he’s a great surgeon but he has the emotional intelligence of a plant. Oh, God…’
‘What?’
‘Have you met someone else?’
‘No, of course not!’
‘Sorry. I knew the answer to that before I asked it.’
A silence while both of them recalibrated.
Nina’s energy dropped a little. ‘So what did he say when you told him?’
‘I haven’t.’
This time Nina’s reaction came with a very definite edge of shock. ‘You haven’t told him?’
Bernadette shook her head. ‘No. Look, Nina, I’m not going to bad-mouth your father to you, or put you in the middle of us, and there’s no way to make you understand without doing that.’ She didn’t need to know that he was controlling, that he was short-tempered, aggressive, cold, cruel. He’d never shown any of those traits to the kids – if he had she’d have left him years ago. Only her. Her daughter still had a lifelong relationship with her father ahead of her, so Bernadette didn’t want to do anything to taint that. And yes, the irony was there. Even now she was still defending him, making sure people only saw him in the best light. ‘You’re just going to have to trust me on why I’m doing it this way, but the reality is that if I tried to tell him in advance, he wouldn’t accept it, Nina,’ she said, desperately hoping her daughter would accept her reasoning without question. ‘So I’m going to move out today, and I’ll tell him when he gets home tonight. It’ll be a done deal. There’s noother way – I just wanted to make sure you knew because I didn’t want to spring that on you, my love.’
Nina leaned over into the playpen to give Milo back the baby elephant that he’d tossed out of his reach. ‘But, Mum, surely you could discuss it with him and do this properly? I mean, for God’s sake, it’s not like he’ll go nuts and wreck the place.’ She finished with a laugh, finding the thought preposterous.
Bernadette didn’t react.
‘Mum…?’ She took Bernadette’s silence, analysed it, interpreted it, and went to the conclusion supported by perception skills honed over years of pulling information out of people who were reluctant to volunteer it. ‘Mum, is Dad violent?’ Every word in the question was seeped in horror. ‘Oh God, Mum, don’t tell me he’s been…’
Bernadette shook her head. ‘No, not violent. He’s never laid a finger on me, I promise, love.’
Nina visibly sagged with relief and Bernadette struggled with how to give her just enough to explain, but not enough to damage.
‘Let’s just say, he hasn’t decided this is to happen, so he’s not going to take it well.’
‘He’s controlling,’ Nina said. It was a realisation, not a question, so Bernadette didn’t reply. This was the nurse talking now, not the daughter. ‘I should have seen that.’
‘Nina, you couldn’t…’
‘I did see it.’
‘What?’
‘Not with you, Mum. With me. When I said I was marrying Gerry. Dad ordered me not to, said he wasn’t good enough, didn’t earn enough, that I could do better. He said there wasno way he was letting me marry an electrician, or any other kind of tradesman.’
Now it was Bernadette who was shocked. ‘When? I had no idea! I’m so sorry, pet, I would have said something if I’d known. Oh bollocks – I said I wouldn’t bad-mouth your father to you, but what a pompous arse he is. Gerry’s a great husband and dad – that’s a good man you’ve got there. To be honest, I knew your father wasn’t impressed, but I didn’t think for a minute that he’d share that with you. What did you say?’
Nina shrugged. ‘I told him it was none of his business and I was marrying Gerry whether he liked it or not. That’s why Gerry doesn’t come over so much…’
‘I thought it was because he was always on overtime.’
‘It’s that as well. But Dad has just never made an effort with him. Tolerates him. I thought he was just being overprotective – being a dad – and that he’d chill out eventually. I didn’t realise that it was a sign of something more. I’m sorry, Mum. I should’ve seen it. Do you want me to come over tonight, to be there when you tell him? Gerry is working late but I can get someone to come look after the kids and be with you.’
‘No, love. This is between your father and me and I don’t want you involved. Besides, you shouldn’t have to deal with my dramas.’ A pause. ‘Feels strange saying that. My dramas. I’ve spent my whole life keeping the peace.’
Nina refilled their cups, then sat back down. ‘So where are you going to go? You know you can always come here. There’s an extra bed in Milo’s room…’
