"I almost thought they had the wrong person, that it couldn't possibly be true.'Nah, not Paul. He would never,’" Joe says, looking disgusted. His work facade drops, and his lip curls, "Cheating on Sophie. Your fiancée, who was just diagnosed with cancer?"
"Ex-fiancée," Elise mutters through gritted teeth.
Joe's eyes flash angrily as they flicker over to her. I shrink further in my seat, feeling like the smallest man in the world. The same justification I had given to my mother spits like acid from Elise's lips.
That's when I feel a crack right down the center of my chest, a violent fracture in my very soul. I’m disoriented, as though I've surfaced after spending too much time underwater.
How did I arrive at this moment?
Why have I arrived at this moment?
What have I done with my life?
What have I done to Sophie?
Oh God, Sophie...
Her name rips me wide open. A cold sweat breaks out across my body as panic floods me from head to toe. My stomach rolls violently, and for a very brief, horrifying second, I wonder if I'll projectile vomit on this table.
How could one moment everything be fine, wonderful even, and then you learn the words lump, cancer, and mastectomy,and then everything you thought you knew about yourself changes. You're not the strong man you thought you were, you're not the reliable fiancé you had built yourself up as, you're not even close, you're... you're selfish. You're pathetic. You're cruel.
And you made all of these choices and justified them to yourself as being for your own good.
Telling yourself that you only have this life to live, so you should live it the way you want and cut out what's not beneficial to you anymore. Did I manifest the selfish voice in my head into a physical entity, or did I just project that onto Elise as an excuse?
Because I'm the one who moved first, I'm the one who kissed her first, I'm the one who allowed the clear boundaries set by Sophie to blur. Elise only responded to the signals that I was putting out. Elise was there and convenient, and she told me what I wanted to hear.
She was beautiful. She was charming. She was fun to talk to, and everything remained surface-level.
And now I feel so fucking empty.
Sophie...
"Fiancée, when this relationship started, it seems," Rue says seriously, writing something down with a rather angry flick of her pen.
“Is any of this relevant? Paul’s personal relationship with his ex-fiancée should not factor into this,” Darren speaks up then, in defense of me. It should make me feel good to have at least someone in my corner, but it doesn’t, because Joe’s words are true, and his disappointment is more than warranted.
“No, there is no relevance,” Rue says, glancing at the phone before looking back up to me. “Mr. O’Connor’s infidelity is not the issue here.”
Rue flashes a quick look to Joe, reminding him not to get off track. The older man nods his head and scrubs his hand downhis face.
"What I want to focus on is the facts. You two are engaged in a relationship that explicitly violates the terms of your employee contracts. Per subsection 4.3 of your employee contract, violating this constitutes a terminable offense with no requirement for progressive discipline."
The words hang like the blade of a guillotine above us.
"Besides the letters, we've had many constituents calling, expressing concern about integrity and judgment, and whether you're even qualified for the job. Paul, one even asked me who you and Elise slept with to get your jobs because," he picks up a piece of paper in front of him, pulling his reading glasses on. "and I quote,'I would be surprised about the free-for-all fucking, but you do work for the government, so you're used to fucking people over.'"
I couldn’t get any lower, unless the ground opened underneath me and swallowed me.
"With all due respect, my personal life doesn't diminish my skill set. You can't fire us for falling in love," Elise's voice is reaching a sharper pitch now, but it’s not the tone that sends an unpleasant jolt through me. It’s the word she uses.
Love?
"We are not firing you for falling in 'love', Ms. Cabot. We are firing you because you are an at-will employee, and you violated your employee contract," Joe's voice is firm and final.
Elise's sun-kissed skin blanches, and she looks at me for help, for support, for defense.
"Effective immediately, Ms. Cabot, your employment is terminated. Security will escort you to your desk to collect your belongings."
