His thumbs brush her cheeks, and she smiles, slow and dangerous against his lips, like she knows exactly what she's doing. She leans in even more and presses her mouth more firmly to his with a practiced precision. Angling her head, I can see the swirl of tongues together.
They kiss each other like it's easy and he holds her like I never even existed.
I feel sick.
I don't know how long I stare at them, but it's long enough for acid to twist violently in my belly. Elise tugs him toward the bar when they've mercifully finished their show, her fingers laced through his.
There's a painful tearing sensation in my chest, and I can't even tell if I'm breathing right. My fingers go numb where they grip the tote bag over my shoulder. I blindly reach out my other hand and feel the rough brick of the building next to me.
It comes fast and ugly. I bend over and vomit, emptying my stomach onto the alley concrete..
My imagination was already awful, but it's another thing to actuallyseeit. This is probably how they looked when Paul and Iwerestill together. While they found comfort in each other, I thought about dying young and making sure I planned my funeral and made a will to make things easier for Paul.
I considered asking him to elope if the news turned out to beterminal, so that I could be his wife before I left.
All of those feelings and thoughts I've been shoving down come bursting out of me. I dry heave until my core muscles ache and the meager contents of my stomach are on the ground.
Keeping my head down, I turn back the way I came and start the journey back home, hand over my mouth to try and muffle the sobs tearing from my throat.
I guess I was nothing but a starter model for Paul, traded in for the upgraded luxury model.
My phone buzzes with a text.
Callum Rhodes: are you on your way?
do you need me to pick you up?
Through blurred vision and with shaky fingers, I type back.
can't come tonight.
I'm sorry.
Callum Rhodes: Is everything okay?
Sophie?
I'm okay.
I'm not okay. I need you, but I'm scared you'll leave, and if you do, you will take all the fight I have with you...
Callum Rhodes: Are you sure?
Do you need anything?
My fingers hover over the keyboard. I can't bring myself to answer Callum because if I do, I'll end up telling him the truth. I'll tell him that I'm still broken over someone who callously cheated on me and seems to be moving on so easily with his life, while I'm here, feeling alone.
I'll tell him how worthless and replaceable I feel.
I'll tell him to please leave now, if he ever thinks hecould, and save me the agony.
I'll tell him I need him to please hold me and not let me go.
I don't want Callum to see me like this, weak and pathetic and crying over a man who doesn't deserve it.
talk to you tomorrow.
I send the text and turn my phone off, hustling the rest of the way into my apartment building. Fatigue aches in my legs as I wait for the elevator, praying no one gets on with me.
