By senior year, Lauren noticed me again: taller, broad-shouldered, and more confident after a few blessedly bully-free years.
I wasn't cruel to her. It's not in my nature to be cruel, but Lauren had tried to get my attention, and I just looked right through her. She tried talking to me, and I pretended not to hear. She left a note in my locker, and I gathered it with the rest of my trash and threw it out right in front of her.
She tried, again and again, all the way up until senior prom.
And I gave her the time she deserved from me—none.
I made her feel invisible, the same way I wanted to feel when she threw my feelings back in my face.
Eventually, she stopped, we graduated, and she went on to marry Brent Turner. She divorced him after two years when she caught him with her sister in their marital bed. Brent and her sister are now married with a kid on the way, and Lauren moved away from Starling Cove and hasn't been back since.
That was the juicy gossip in town for a while that I found out through Tonya, who found out through a client of hers. Which is exactly how gossip around this town travels.
Starling Cove isn't super tiny—just incredibly nosy—and everyone likes to know everyone's business.
That's how I know that karma didn't really come for Paul.
After he graduated from high school, I never saw him again. I heard he went off to college, got his Master's degree, landed a cushy government job and was engaged to a pretty girl he met at college.
I didn't know that the pretty girl he was engaged to wasSophie.
I figured she was new in town, but so were Bailey and Jane at one time.
Starling Cove is right on the water with an easy commute to Boston, attracting those who need access to the city but want tolive in the suburbs. I figured Sophie was one of them.
Paul had once been lucky enough to have loved Sophie and be loved by her. That sweet, beautiful girl who smiled with her whole face and bravely shared her soul with a room full of strangers—now her friends.
My hands tighten on the steering wheels as I remember her words.
The way she seemed to shrink in the seat next to mine. She looked so unsure, almost embarrassed, and I wanted to tell her—no, you don't feel shame. The only one who should be ashamed is Paul.
He cheated on her after she was diagnosed withcancer. He couldn't handle the fact that Sophie would lose her breasts in order to save her own life? What the hell is wrong with him?
My jaw tightens, my blood pressure spiking from the anger pulsing through me. Was Sophie not apersonto him? Was she not the woman he was ready to marry? She would still be Sophie without her breasts—still sweet and soft and real.
If I had someone like Sophie...
If I had Sophie...
I picture her sweet face while smiling kindly at my mom, entrancing Plot the Beast, laughing so damn free and beautiful when I put my foot in my mouth, smiling at me even though she's been hurt. The respect and admiration for her runs deep, sharpening my irritation toward Paul.
I understood that Paul was a coward and would take the path of least resistance, the one that cost him nothing. I knew he was selfish—but this?Jesus. This is so much worse than I ever imagined.
Not just weakness, this is pathetic.
What kind of man looks the woman he claims to love in the eye as she's scared and tells her that he cheated because her bodyis going to change? What kind of man betrays the woman he loves so viciously when she needs him more than ever?
Cheating has never made sense to me.
Maybe I'm naive, or maybe I really am a hopeless romantic like Tonya says. I guess I can't help it, not after watching the way my dad used to look at my mom, like no one and nothing came close.
And he threw it all away for what? A fleeting comfort? A momentary escape? Lust?
I've had sex before, and it was... fine.
I guess the one thing I've wanted has always been a true connection. I've had sex without love. But I want sex with the woman I love.
I lost my virginity to a woman I dated when I was twenty, and I liked her. We'd been seeing each other for a couple of months, and I thought maybe sex would be the bridge to deeper feelings. By connecting with her in the most intimate way possible, maybe love would bloom naturally between us. It didn't. Our relationship naturally fizzled out a couple of months later, and we parted amicably.
