Ever After Always,this hodgepodge group of best friends I've acquired. And also Sasha, Michael, the Salvatores, my nurses, doctors, and hospital support team. All of these friendships that I've forged through this journey.
"3) Buy things.
Silly little knick-knacks that make the apartment mine, not ours: a ridiculous mug, that ceramic lighthouse you've been eyeing, a page-weight shaped like a cat. Maybe get a cat? We've always wanted one. New soft towels. Fresh sheets. A newlamp that throws warm light. Donate the old couple-things to every thrift store in town with a firm thank you and goodbye.”
"Plot!" I laugh, "I feel like I didn't get a cat, though. Plot just acquired a human."
He chuckles softly, "And the otters."
"And the otters," I nod.
"4) Grow the library.
Happy-ever-afters only. If it ends well, it comes home with us and sits pretty on our shelves. I'll buy us one of those fancy library stamps with our name on it and annotate where a sentence catches my breath."
"Happy endings," he jokes, squeezing me, and I laugh, remembering our first conversation. I had thought he was adorable, the way he stumbled over his words, the way he put his foot in his mouth.
He made me laugh on the worst day of my life.
I met my soulmate on the worst day of my life.
How lucky am I?
"5) Work gently.
Laptop, fuzzy socks, soft deadlines. Let "good enough for today" be enough for today. Don't kill yourself working. It's not worth it."
Callum stumbles when he sees the next one, the most important one, his eyes shimmering with unshed tears. I can feel my own eyes stinging in response, and I reach up to cup his cheek, "Keep going."
He clears his throat, but his voice is thick as he reads.
"6) Let love be a possibility.
Falling in love is on this list, not as a requirement, but as a suggestion, to not let one cowardly man ruin this experience for us. Because while love just burnt me with the worst pain I've ever felt, there were good times. There had to have been. So, while love and dating is not on my radar right now with thebattle I'm about to fight looming, I still want to keep hopeful that I will fall in love again. I will not cut my nose off to spite my face.
I will fall in love, maybe not before you read this, but I will fall in love again one day. He will be a reliable, dependable man. Someone who stays through the good, but especially through the bad. A man who chooses me when it's hard, who puts a steady hand at my back and doesn't flinch when life is not pretty. Who won't flinch when he sees my scars, who will call me beautiful even when I'm not feeling like I am. Someone who thinks kindness is sexy and gentleness is rebellion. Someone who accepts me as I am, in whatever state I may be in. That will be my future partner.”
"It's you..." I whisper, my voice cracking. "I love you."
"I love you," Callum responds fiercely, pressing a hard kiss to my mouth. "I love you so much, sweet girl—my otter—my Sophie..."
"When you read this next year, I hope you're cancer-free, confident, and happy. I hope the apartment feels like yours in every corner. I hope the bookshelf is heavier and your heart is lighter. I hope your closet is stuffed with new cute clothes and your drawer has many, many new, cute hats to cover up our bald head. I hope there are new names in your phone who feel like family. I hope I can give that to you. You deserve it.
And...
I hope there's a man in the future who proves that love is a verb.
I will fall apart tonight, I will get up and plan tomorrow. Then I will do both as many times as it takes, until we have won.
We are going to be okay.
Love,
Sophie"
Callum and I sit in the heavy silence for a few moments before he carefully folds the letter and places it back into the envelope. I take the letter and place it back into my pocket. I'm not quite sure what I'll do with it—maybe I'll burn it as a ritual of release, or maybe I'll frame it and hang it somewhere I can read it and remember the girl who wrote it while her life fell apart.
Either way, I will never forget that girl.
