"I look back at those trips, and I can only remember the good—the restaurants, walks on the beach, how beautiful you looked..." he trails off, his tone a little dreamy like he's caught in the memory. "I never even considered doing anything to help plan or pack. I was so comfortable and complacent being taken care of that I never realized I never reciprocated. You never really needed me, Sophie... but I needed you—"
"I did need you!" I snap, anger flaring inside my chest. My tone is sharp, rising in volume, "I did need your help, Paul. Ifucking asked you for help. I asked you to do things. You just... didn't show up. You didn't hear me."
"No, I heard you, sweet—Sophie," he corrects quickly when he sees my eyes flash, "I heard you... I just didn't actually listen to you. I took you for granted. I assumed you would always be there... and then when you found the lump, I just knew that it was cancer, and I was faced with the prospect of you not being there... I panicked. I used Elise as a vehicle. I can say she tempted me, she ensnared me, she was irresistible, but it would be a lie. I was fully in control of my actions, and I betrayed you. And I am so, so sorry, Sophie. I will live in that regret every single day for the rest of my life."
It's a good apology, even I can admit that. He acknowledged all his betrayals, took ownership of them, and sounded genuine. His eyes look hopeful, wet with tears as he watches for my reaction.
"I'm glad you realized that you committed an... enormous, egregious, disgusting betrayal," I grit out through clenched teeth. I'm angry, not for the Sophie I am now, but the Sophie I was then. The hopeful Sophie, who was terrified of the fight ahead, but had faith that at least she had Paul. She deserved better. And, well, she got it.
Paul flinches like I just slapped him, but I'm not done. "You almost destroyed me, Paul. Right before I had to battle cancer. You told me that losing my breasts was a problem for you."
Something slams in the direction of the office, Paul's eyes going wide and his body tensing for a moment like he's bracing. I smile, knowing that Callum is listening in, and feel my spine straighten as I look back at Paul, my gaze cold. "I don't even think you can comprehend what a horrible thing that is to say to anyone. You tied my worth to my breasts."
"Sophie, I—"
"No, Paul, I gave you your time to talk; it's my turn now."
He snaps his mouth shut and nods his head.
"You talked to Elise about your fears. You didn't even talk to me, after everything we've been through together, after all that you know about my parents and about me. All my hopes and fears that I trusted you with. And you couldn't do the same to me, apparently."
It's all bubbling out of me, months of dormant emotions flowing out of me like an open faucet.
And it feels good to let it out. To just let it all go.
"Months of talking to her, growing closer to her," I scoff a laugh, "And thenfuckingher."
His eyes close, and a tear tracks down his cheek. I ignore it.
"Imagine me doing the same to you, Paul. Imagine if I had met Callum. Sharing secrets and jokes, sneaking around with him here, confiding in him, kissing him. Imagine me fucking him behind your back and then coming home and rejecting you. Put yourself in my shoes."
"I can't."
"Why?"
His face is pure misery, "Because you wouldn't, Sophie. You couldn't."
"Exactly!" I snarl, pointing at him. "I would never—ever—do that to you! Or to anyone. Because what you did is so cruel. You used Elise as a vehicle to jump ship," I shake my head, remembering Amal's words she told me at the gala. "If it weren't cancer, it probably would have been something else. The second I wasn't useful to you anymore, you would have cast me aside."
I realize I'm breathing heavy, too heavy, my heart slamming in my chest. I'm not the confrontational sister, Tess is, so this is causing my adrenaline to spike up. My hands shake in my lap, and I take a couple of deep breaths, hearing my sister's voicein my head coaching me—in through my nose, out through my mouth.
Paul looks like he wants to get up, to come over and comfort me, but I shake my head and glare at him.
"I want to say that it's not true," Paul chokes out, harshly wiping away tears. "But... you're right. You're right, Sophie, I am so, so sorry. I'm so sorry."
I shrug, because his apology can't roll back time, and I don't want it to. I'm not going to tell him that, though. I'm not going to absolve him by letting him think that cheating on me gave me a better path, no matter how true that actually is.
"I'm in therapy. I think it's helping. I've learned that I have some—" he winces, rolling his head slightly side to side "—avoidance tendencies. I'm trying to work through them."
"I'm glad you're getting help," I say, my voice hoarse and wrecked. I clear my throat. "I'm glad you at least recognized what you did."
"Me too..." he whispers.
"I..." I take a deep breath and close my eyes, reaching into my pocket to touch the tiger's eye. The anger is slowly bleeding out of me. I can picture it dripping to the floor, being washed away, and never to return. Letting go of the anger so that I'm not bound to it anymore, to him anymore. The past is gone. There's no way to move forward without letting go of everything that tethers me to it.
Opening my eyes once more, I meet his eyes head-on. "I accept your apology, Paul. And I forgive you."
The knot in my chest loosens, and I instantly feel lighter.
