I've had crushes, I've had relationships, I've had feelings for women before, but with Sophie it's... different.Deeper.I'm simultaneously at ease and on edge, grounded and spinning, resting and electrified. I want more. I want it all.
"Even when I'm throwing up?" she asks suddenly, cringing a little, clearly remembering earlier tonight in the truck. She got sick again on the ride home, murmuring embarrassed apologies through tears while I rubbed her back and handed her the ginger candies to settle her upset stomach.
"I'll hold the bag and still think you're the most beautiful person on this earth."
"Even when..." Her voice fades, her expression flickering with something darker. Then she flinches—barely, but I see it—and I'm immediately on alert, brushing my thumbs against her cheekbones.
"What? What is it?"
"My..." her voice breaks for a second before she clears her throat and straightens her spine. "My breasts. I know we haven't reached that stage yet, but I'm going to get implants, you don't need to worry about—"
"I wasn't worried about that," I answer immediately, dread pooling in the pit of my stomach. I know I'm not going to like what she's going to say, so I brace myself and let her take her time finding the words.
"Paul said it was going to be a problem. That's why he..." she trails off, gesturing vaguely to her chest. The implication hangs clearly in the air between us.That's why he cheated.I know she's said it before—during that first book club meeting, tossed out like it was just another fact of life—but hearing it again now, here, after what we just did, after everything we've shared... it makes me sick.
I go still with fury when I tell her, "His cheating on you had more to do with him and his issues than it had to do with you. I can guarantee you that, baby. What he did to you is pathetic. And he's weak for it."
"I know," Sophie murmurs. Her hands rise to cover mine, still holding her face, like she's trying to anchor us together. "I know."
For a couple of moments, we just exist together in our own little world. Sophie takes a deep breath, then another, like she's trying to keep herself together.
"I was scheduling the chemo, the treatments, and... he justsaid it," Sophie says, her voice even and steady. "That he's been cheating on me. It honestly didn't feel real. I could have sworn that I misheard him, because there was just no way."
She pauses, scoffing a harsh laugh. "He had told me that he was going toHauntsto hang out with Chris and Brian, and instead he would go to her... and they would..."
I press a kiss to her temple, feeling her hands clutch minetighter, almost desperate.
"Elise is beautiful. She's blonde, tall, tanned, and cancer-free. They would have lunch together all the time. I thought it was just a casual coworker thing. He said the employees at City Hall were like family. I trusted that Elise was just a coworker, that he loved me and no one else. And then he went and fell for her. He talked to her about me, about my cancer. Then he fucked her, the day of my biopsy."
This is the most she's ever spoken about Paul, and about finding out about his infidelity. And each word she says makes me more pissed. How could he do that to this extraordinary woman in my arms? How could he treat her like that? How could he evenlookat anyone else?
He didn't cheat because Elise was beautiful, or because she's better than Sophie in any way—and I canguaran-fucking-teethat she isn't. Paul cheated because Paul will do what Paul does best—choose himself.
Sophie takes a deep breath. "And when he told me what he did... it was like someone took a wrecking ball to the love I had for him. It didn't make it disappear, but it broke it beyond repair. Now, I don't feel anything for him. Not even hate, not anymore."
She shrugs, meeting my eyes. "Maybe a little hurt, but I think that's just going to be an echo forever. I had never felt pain like that before—not even when they told me I had cancer. I'm done with Paul. Forever. I'm just... I'm scared that one day you'll feel how he did."
"Sophie..."
"I know!" Her voice rises with urgency, but her eyes plead for understanding. "God, Iknowit's so not fair! I keep telling myself that, and I know that you're nothing like Paul. Literally, you are quite the exact opposite of him, but still..."
I don't feel hurt, I don't twist her words into knots. I absorb them, I feel what she's telling me, not just what she's saying. It'snot that she doesn't trust me. It’s that she was given a very hard lesson two months ago in trust and how easily it can snap from betrayal. She's speaking from a place of fear, from a place of deep hurt.
You don't coax an injured animal out by roughly grabbing it. You build trust, slowly but surely. Sophie trusts me. I can say that with full confidence. She allowed me to shave her head and share those vulnerabilities. Now I just need to back up the promise in my words with action, by remaining present, by showing up for her.
"You went through something that rocked your trust after having your entire world upended," I say gently, pulling her closer. I lean down, pressing my forehead against hers, eyes closed, breathing her in. "I get it."
My arms wrap around her waist, holding her tightly, wanting to prove that I'm not going anywhere.
"But I'm not running, Sophie. I won't. I'm staying, no matter what."
She shakes her head against mine, a tiny smile blooming through her tears. "I know. And... God, Callum, you mean what you say. Youshowup. You'restillhere. You had literally just met me, and I trauma dumped all over you guys, and you... you didn't run. You didn't even look tempted to run."
"I wasn't."
She pulls back just enough to look at me, brows raised. "Not even a little, huh?"
"Not for a second," I tell her, no hesitation in my voice. "Why would I?"
