Fire grew within Cantrell’s core. “What exactly do you have in mind?”
“Whatever you’re willing to entertain.”
Cantrell wanted to entertain more than a simple kiss, but he knew that the idea was dangerous. “A tempting offer, but I’m afraid I have to decline tonight. It’s probably best we stop now as I need to make it back to the rectory before it gets too late.”
Illias gave a hollow smile. “I understand. Do you want me to pack up dinner for you? I’d hate for it to go to waste.”
“That would be lovely, thank you.”
Cantrell walked away, leaving Illias to take care of the leftovers. Cantrell slid on his shoes then discreetly adjusted himself to make the ride home more comfortable. Illias walked over with a to-go container. “I recommend reheating in a skillet but microwave does okay.”
Cantrell accepted the box. “Thank you for tonight, it was wonderful.”
“Anytime.” Illias crossed his arms, a genuine smile forming. “I mean it.”
“I’ll keep that in mind. Take care.”
Cantrell stupidly stole a final, fleeting kiss, then left.
God, please, don’t let me ruin this.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Illias
“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?”
- James 17:9 KJV
Illias spent the next week suspended in a state of pure confusion, uncertain of what last night meant for them, how the kiss would affect their relationship, and where their relationship, or lack thereof, would go. All he knew was that it wasagony. Sitting in that space of not knowing, waiting to be told what it all meant. Pretending that what happened between them was nothing. Illias knew there wasn’t a reality in which he could keep Cantrell when he was still devoted to the church, yet Illias still went and got attached to a man he should have never gotten involved with in the first place.
He contemplated ending their arrangement to save himself the hurt that would come when Cantrell decided that what theydid was too much of a risk, typing and erasing the same message a hundred times over, each time telling himself he was going to send it. He never did. Not when every other thought was about what might happen when they finally had a moment to themselves.
“Eli,” a faint, feminine voice rippled through Illias’ thoughts. “Eli.” The voice became clearer. “Oh, for Christ’s sake, Illias.” He blinked a few times as he came back to reality. “Dude, are you okay?”
“Yeah.” The word came out soft and rough. He cleared his throat. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Sorry, I, uh, I must have zoned out for a minute.”
“A minute? More like the entire ride,” she said, looking at him funny. “Did you even hear a word I said?”
Illias slunk down in the passenger seat. “No.”
Charity pulled into the parking lot of Barb and Lou’s Goodies, Dunwich’s local thrift store. “You want to tell me what’s going on, or am I going to have to pull it out of you?”
He looked down at his hands, fiddling with his mood ring. “Actually, I’ve been thinking about what you said when I was on my way to my mom’s. You’re right. I’d rather hide than confront things head on.” He tongued his cheek and huffed through his nose. “And now I’ve gotten myself into a situation that I don’t want to run away from, but I am absolutely terrified to face.”
“Let me guess: Father Cantrell?” she said, parking in a shaded spot. “What happened?”
“He came over for dinner. One thing led to another, and we kissed.” Illias’ stomach filled with the fluttering sensation of hundreds of butterflies. “It's not like anything I’ve experienced before—and I’ve kissed my fair share of guys,” he added with a playful uptick to his voice, trying to convince himself that this wasn’t a big deal. “But this was different. He could have had me right then and there if he wanted, and I would have let him, buthe just kissed me with thisgentleness. Like I was some kind of fragile thing that he didn’t want to break.”
“That sounds really sweet.” She studied his side profile, eyebrows drawn together. “But guessing from your overall mood right now, something happened, didn’t it?”
“No, and that’s the problem. Since then, I haven’t heard anything from him, and he didn’t visit Nirvana’s on Friday like he’s been doing. And I’m caught in this perpetual state of waiting because I don’t want to come off as being clingy or desperate by reaching out first.”
“Do you think he feels the same way?” Charity turned off the car and gathered her belongings.
Illias shrugged, honestly not having considered that possibility.
“Okay, so text him first then.”
