I’d moved into an apartment ten blocks away from my new office on purpose. To walk home. It cleared my head before getting down to business and did so again on the way home. I enjoyed the sights and sounds of the city. The not-so-fresh air carrying the smells of the shops and restaurants on my way to my place. And now that I’d found Cliff, I was relieved to find outI didn’t have to give that up. His home, our home, was only a bit farther from the office.
Cliff was the best partner. I didn’t want to bring the stress of my job to him. I didn’t want it either.
At home, I showered and dressed for a night out. My friends had picked out a new bistro that opened up only days ago. Cliff kissed me and told me to have fun. He was good like that.
There wasn’t a jealous bone in his body, which was, by far, one of the sexiest things about him. He knew who he was. Confident. Secure. Trusting.
“He’s here!” Chris stood and waved me over. It wasn’t a big place so, of course, every eye turned to look at me. Great.
I walked over and took a seat. They’d already ordered starters. Huge mozzarella sticks. Pita and hummus. Stuffed mushrooms. Bacon-wrapped dates. Enough that I was sure I wouldn’t be very hungry for a main course if I ate more than a few bites.
“Want a drink?” another friend asked.
“White wine, please,” I answered. It would be my only glass of the night, and I would make it last until I left. I was a lightweight in the drinking department by all standards. In fact, one sip of this and my cheeks would heat and my stomach would burn. Honestly, I didn’t know why I ordered it at all. To fit in? Maybe.
The apps disappeared, and we ordered plates of food. I’d gone for the sausage, spinach, and cream pasta.
Everyone talked about their jobs and their extracurricular activities. All of us were members of Chained and had different preferences. That was why I loved my friends. They didn’t judge, and I didn’t either.
Seeing some of the others with their daddies made me wish I’d invited Cliff, but I also wanted some time with just my friends.
Thomas and Bailey arrived a bit later than the others. They were together now, not just at the club. Bailey was Thomas’s little, and the way they looked at each other, well, they were completely in love.
I couldn’t help but be filled with want. Seeing Bailey, I thought maybe it would be nice to have another little to share life with. Someone who I had adult things in common with but also someone who understood me. A friend who could share my life with Cliff. I didn’t think I’d be jealous of another little.
As the waitress gathered up all the plates and offered to-go boxes to those who hadn’t finished, I realized how selfish I was. I had a partner, but I wanted not just one, I wanted two? Some people would give their lives for the right person, the right love, but here I was wishing for more than that. More than I deserved.
How silly of me.
In my wave of guilt, I ordered a banana-pudding cheesecake and devoured the whole thing, not thinking about the sugar high I would have later, not to mention the tummy ache.
I may have also ordered one to go.
I said goodbye, and they made me promise not to be a stranger. I had to keep that promise for my own sanity as well as keeping my word. My friends deserved more than a one-way relationship.
On the walk home, I wrestled with self-pity. I had a daddy. A good one. One that made me feel safe and secure and who also respected both of my sides and my life.
Yet, when I closed my eyes that night, the last thing I thought of were the three of us, the third being completely imaginary, having fun and playing together.
A boy could dream.
Chapter Three
Cliff
“About ready to go home?” The new restaurant where we’d gone for dinner was the stuff of dreams for daddies/mommies and their littles, while still completely fine for anyone else. It could have been because the chef/owner was a member of a local club with a whole room dedicated to play. One who was also aware of the need to draw a larger crowd from the general public.
“Yes, D-Cliff. What a great event, though! I think Randal will have a big success here.”
“Blokz is a clever play on words, too.” I linked my fingers with my boy’s and lifted them to my lips. “My steak was perfect. How were your scallops?”
“Succulent. And the cilantro-lime rice was the best I’d ever had.” He offered me an impish grin. “But next time, I’m ordering off the other side of the menu. The nuggies are shaped differently every day. And they make them in-house! I didn’t even know you could do that.”
“Probably healthier, and I noticed they have a ‘little trees’ broccoli dish with dip.”
“Yes, definitely next time. But they couldn’t have done a better job with what I did get. We should come often and try everything.”
“Agreed. We will come back soon and often.” I tugged him along with me as I slid out of the booth. Somehow Randal and his partner Seth who ran the front of the house had created a place that felt youthful but not juvenile. I didn’t have a clue how they figured it all out. At our home, most of the rooms looked like those in any other house, but the playroom was a dedicated space for little time. We didn’t have to try to ride any lines there.“But I’m anxious to get home and enjoy the other half of our big-big date night.”
