"Is that why Cole was so…" I search for the right words, but Jules finds them sooner than I do.
"Confused? Angry? Concerned? Yes. It must have blown his mind to see you."
My teeth bury in my lower lip for a few seconds before I ask my next question. "Did he… love her?"
Jules laughs softly. "Headoredher. She truly was everything to him. I still don’t know how so much love could fit into that guy. It’s really a miracle he didn’t just explode."
Again, she laughs. Only this time, I realize she’s trying to dispel the sadness in her voice with it. But it doesn’t work.
"What happened?" I’m barely brave enough to ask the question because I’m too afraid of the answer. Jules’s tone tells me that something bad must have happened. Something really terrible.
"It was a race," she says in a flat tone. "Cole, as always, was against Milena riding with him, but she begged him for so long he finally gave in. To this day, I don’t understand why, but I think she just wanted to be with him. They were so in love with each other…"
She’s silent for a moment, but I don’t push her anymore because I can feel how hard it is for her to speak about this.
"The track was treacherous. Plenty of curves and heavy traffic. It was insane, but Cole… He was just invincible, you know? Maybe that’s why he let himself be persuaded to let Milena ride with him. But then… he miscalculated. He was approaching an intersection where the light was still red. Since he knew the timing of every traffic light by heart, he was sure it would turn green any second. He thought the timing would be perfect because the intersection seemed to be empty."
When she hesitates, a cold chill runs down my spine right before her next words confirm my worst fears.
"He was wrong."
The silence that follows almost causes me physical pain. I don’t want to know what happened next. I can already guess. And it tears my heart apart because I now understand why Cole is so angry.
"Another vehicle ran its red light and hit Cole’s car at full speed from the right. Milena didn’t stand a chance. She was killed instantly."
Jules’s voice suddenly sounds foreign—mechanical, not like herself—but I pay no attention to that.
"Cole was dragged out of his car by another driver and taken away before the police showed up. He broke the guy’s collarbone while trying to get to Milena, but luckily, he still managed to get Cole out of there. The police investigated for manslaughter since it was an illegal street race, but they couldn’t pin it on him. His car wasn’t registered, after all. But I don’t think that even that would’ve mattered. Losing Milena was the worst thing that could have happened to him. He never raced again after that. And he hasn’t been himself since because he blames himself for her death. Sometimes I even think he wishes he would’ve…"
She doesn’t finish the sentence, but she doesn’t have to. Her words hit me just the same. But much worse is the knowledge that Cole is carrying this burden. I can’t even begin to imagine how he must feel. He didn’t only lose the girl he loved—he thinks it’s his fault. He thinks he killed her.
"That’s why he waited," I murmur to myself.
"Huh?"
"The traffic light in front of our house," I explain to her. "He waited every day until it turned green. For three whole minutes. He was the only person I ever saw waiting at that traffic light."
A sound of agreement escapes Jules before she continues urgently. "He doesn’t really want you to go. You know that, right?"
I shake my head even though she can’t see it. "He wanted me to leave, Jules. I heard it in his voice. Maybe I remind him too much of her." As I say the words, I realize how painful this thought is, but Jules sighs loudly.
"Do you want to know the last time I saw Cole laugh?" She doesn’t give me time to answer but just keeps talking. "Three days ago, at the pub, when you spit in his drink. And do you know the last time I saw him laughbeforethat?"
"When?" I ask, barely audible, ignoring the shame of her seeing me doing this.
"Three years ago. With Milena."
After we hang up, I go back to Cole and sit down on the edge of the mattress. I don’t care that he sent me away. I just want to be with him. Even more so now that I understand where all the anger, sadness, and pain are coming from. And because it breaks my heart to know what he has lost.
When I lie down next to him without further ado, he mumbles something unintelligible. My stomach tightens because I’m afraid he’s going to send me away again, but then I feel him move. Shortly after, he puts his arm around me and pulls me to him. His warm, hard body touches my back, so I feel every rise and fall of his chest. When his breath tingles on my neck, a shudder goes through me, but I don’t move. Not even when I hear him murmur again.
"You shouldn’t be here, darling. Not with me."
The words sound weak, as if he’s trying to convince himself that they’re true. But all I can think about is that there’s no place in the world I’d rather be than in Cole’s arms.
TWENTY-NINE
COLE
