It shocked and saddened me to hear that, and the anger I felt once again because Cole let this happen was almost unbearable. Even more so since he had been so cheerful and nice before. Iwantedto hate him for not taking Buster, but I just couldn’t, and that made me even angrier.
After Cole left, I sit on the sofa for a while and try to get Buster out of my head, but I don’t succeed, so I reach for the phone Cole bought me this morning. I watched Jules using hers, which made it easier for me to take in Cole’s explanations when he showed me how it works.
I tap the message icon and then Jules’s name. It takes forever to type the words, but when I finally succeed without errors, I tapSend.
Buster is being released today and will be taken to a shelter.
Jules’s reply comes within a few seconds.
:’(
Wanna talk about it?
I consider it for a moment, but before I can answer, the phone rings and her name appears on the screen. I tap the green icon and hold the device to my ear.
"Hello?"
Jules’s voice is a mixture of joy and concern as she greets me. "Hey! How are you?"
I try to get into a more comfortable position, which is not so easy since I’m holding the phone with both hands because I’m afraid of dropping it. "I’m sad. And angry."
"Because of Cole?"
I nod and pull a face until I remember that she can’t see it. "Yes. I just don’t understand why he wouldn’t want Buster."
Jules sighs on the other end of the line. "Honestly? I don’t really understand it either. But I think it’s because he believes he’s not good enough."
"Not good enough? For Buster?"
Inhaling audibly, she seems to search for the right words. "He believes he’s not worthy ofanythinggood in his life. Do you know what I mean?"
Confused, I shake my head. "But why would he think that? Everyone deserves something good. And he does have you. You’re something good."
Jules laughs sadly. "That’s really sweet of you. But the only reason I’m still part of his life is because I refuse to let himpush me away. ’Cause he tried. Trust me." She sighs again. "Cole has done some things in the past that weren’t right. He’s made mistakes he can’t forgive himself. Because of that, he doesn’t allow himself to be happy. He doesn’t think he deserves it. And a dog could possibly make him pretty happy, so…"
"That’s cruel," I say softly when she doesn’t continue. "He deserves it as much as anyone else."
"No need to tell me." The sadness in her voice makes my heart clench.
"Jules?" I say eventually because I can’t stand the silence that has settled in after her last words.
"Yes?"
"He misses you."
"Did he say that?" she asks, her voice cracking.
"Yes. He misses you a lot. And I think he’s afraid you won’t come back."
A muffled sob comes from the small speaker. "I miss him, too. Both of you. And of course I’ll come back!" Her voice sounds distorted before she sniffs.
"I didn’t mean to make you cry," I say ruefully, my throat tightening at her words.
She must have found a tissue because she blows her nose before answering. "It’s okay. It’s not a big deal."
"Okay." That’s all I can say, but Jules can still hear how hoarse my voice is.
"Are you crying now, too?"
