"No," I say, dragging the syllable out. "He’ll hate it for sure."
The room is decorated with colorful streamers and helium balloons we’ll probably never get down again because the ceiling is too high. A huge banner that readsWELCOME HOME!stretches from one wall to another,and a chocolate cake sits on the dining room table. Buster is wearing a colorful cardboard hat he hasn’t torn off his head yet as if he understands what its significance is. And Jules has found some champagne somewhere although I’m pretty sure Cole will be more pleased with the bottle of Jack Daniel’s sitting right next to it.
Hewillhate it. But Jules was unstoppable when his new lawyer told us the date of his release. She dragged me to the same Walmart we made the first purchase of my life almost four months ago and randomly threw whatever decorative and party items she could find into the cart. Even the new sound system—from which a terribly cheerful song is currently playing—is here only because she bought it. She went into a real frenzy, which is why I quickly gave up trying to slow her down. When I look at what she did with this room, however, I regret this decision a little bit.
"What time is it?" Jules asks as she’s filling the last balloons with helium.
"Almost two." While I’m answering, I’m wondering if I can somehow contain the extent of her decorating craze without her noticing.
"Oh shit! I gotta go!" She lets go of the balloon, which flies away with a whistle until it’s empty and lands limply on the ground, and grabs Cole’s car keys. "You sure you don’t want to come?"
I nod before talking myself out of it, needing a few minutes to myself. "Yes. Someone needs to stay with Buster."
She looks at me for a moment, but shrugs her shoulders, turns away, and runs down the stairs. A moment later, I hear the loud bang of the steel door, then she’s gone.
"He’s going to hate it so much," I say once more, to which Buster sneezes as if he agrees with me.
I turn away and head to the bathroom to get ready. On the inside of the door hangs the dress that Jules and I picked out for today. It’s black and form-fitting, reaches mid-thigh, and has a neckline that’s not too revealing. When we bought it, I thought it was perfect for this day, but as I look at it now, I realize that it’s just not me.
I might have been through a lot in the last few months, but I’m still me even though I have encountered a world so foreign to me that I almost lost myself in it. I have fired a gun, been kissed for the first time, and nearly succumbed to a broken heart after losing my innocence. All of this has changed me. It made me stronger and showed me that both my mother and Cole were right. The world can be a terrible, dangerous place. There is still an infinite number of things I don’t know and still want to experience. I don’t know what it’s like to ride a roller coaster or sit on a horse. I still can’t swim, and I don’t have a driver’s license. I’ve never been to school and haven’t had to see a doctor once. The list is endless.
But both of them still got something wrong.
I belong in this world. I need it, with all its suffering and sadness and pain, but especially with its adventures and friendships and love. And with Cole, who showed me what it even means to live and be myself. I don’t need a dress for any of that, though. I just need him, and I can’t wait for him to finally come back.
When I hear the slamming of the car doors because I turned off the music, I stand. My heart is beating up to my throat, while breathing suddenly becomes difficult.
Seconds later, I hear footsteps on the stairs and immediately recognize them as Cole’s. The sound of his heavy boots on the metal is unmistakable, and my excitement rises immeasurably.
He reaches the landing, stops, and looks at me. Me,only me. As if I were everything that exists in this world. As if there were nothing else around us.
A small eternity passes before he makes a step forward. I run toward him, jump into his arms, and cling to him. His scent envelops me and calms my heartbeat as I hide my face in the crook of his neck. Leather, tobacco, campfire.Cole.
He presses me against him but then puts a hand on the back of my neck and forces me to look at him.
"Thank you for not losing me," he whispers against my lips while tears well up in my eyes.
"That’s all you have to say?" My voice sounds hoarse and distorted, but Cole understands me anyway.
He shakes his head slightly, kisses me, smiles, and captivates me with his gaze. "I’ve loved you from the beginning, little darling. I’m sorry I was too blind to see it."
After he says the words, he kisses me again, and I realize that we were both right.
Wearelike day and night. But we can’t exist without each other either.
At least, that’s what we thought…
