It would be pointless to send him away even though he’s straining my nerves. He would come back and continue the conversation at that very point, so instead, I answer tonelessly. "You read my statement, didn’t you?"
"I have. Several times, actually." He opens the file again and flips through the pages until he finds the section he was looking for. "You said 'When I saw her with these guys, I ordered her to get in my truck.'"
He eyes me briefly, but I just look at him blankly. I know what I said, and I know what he’s trying to do, but it won’t work. My decision stands, as incomprehensible as that may be for him.
"Further, you stated for the record that you picked her up on the side of the road as she tried to get away from you. 'I pressed her against the wall and kissed her', also your words. 'Even though I was sure she didn’t know what was happening, I had sex with her.' Cole…" Sighing, he rubs his clean-shaven jaw, then looks at me. "I have a law degree. I was taught how to use words and twist them to make things seem different from what they really are. You must realize that I can see through what you’re trying to do."
When I don’t reply, he flips through the file again as I wait for this damn conversation to finally end.
"Here," he says, pointing his finger at the page. "The officer asked you if you touched Sophie against her will. Your answer was 'I touched her even though she did not give me permission to do so.'You were then asked if she resisted. You said 'I held her tightly in my arms. She didn’t have a chance to resist.'"
My patience is wearing thin, which I let him hear clearly as I reply. "Iknowwhat I said. After all, I signed the fucking thing, didn’t I?"
Doesn’t he realize he’s fighting a losing battle?
"Have you read the letters I gave you from her?"
Gritting my teeth, I avert my gaze.
The goddamn letters…
"Of course you didn’t. And you didn’t take any of the calls you received daily from Sophie and Jules, did you?"
I don’t want to talk to them. I don’t want to hear from them or see them because I don’t know if I’ll fold. I don’t trust myself. As soon as I looked into Sophie’s amber eyes, I could lose myself and throw everything away. I’d want her back with me and wouldn’t care that it’s not possible. She and I—it just doesn’t work. I’m not good enough for her. And I’ve already corrupted her too much and taken too much from her.
"It’s not for me to say, but?—"
"Then don’t," I snap, giving him an angry look because I’m at the end of my rope.
He stares at me for a long time before closing the file, putting it back in his suitcase along with his notes, and standing up. Then he circles the table until he stops next to me and looks down at me while I stubbornly stare straight ahead.
"Sophie needs you. And you know what I think?"
A mirthless sound escapes me while I shake my head. "I don’t give a damn what you think. We’re done here."
"You’re a coward, Cole. Yes, you’ve made mistakes. But you know what your biggest mistake is?This." He tosses another letter on the table so it lands right in front of me. "You’re not only destroyingyourlife with this, but Sophie’s as well. And that’s the saddest thing I’ve ever seen."
Time becomes meaningless in prison, so I don’t know how many days have passed since that last conversation with my lawyer when one of the guards unexpectedly opens my cell door.
"You have a visitor."
I don’t even look up. When will they finally understand that I don’t want visitors? I don’t want to see anyone, talk to anyone on the phone, or receive letters from anyone. I’m exactly where I belong, and I’d like to keep it that way.
"No need, thanks," I just say and continue staring at the ceiling.
"It’s your lawyer."
Goddamn… What does that paper-pushing asshole want this time? The plea deal is supposed to be finalized in a week, and he knows I don’t want to see him before then. Can’t he just take the money I’m paying him and leave me the hell alone?
You’re not only destroyingyourlife with this, but Sophie’s as well.
No matter how hard I try, I just can’t forget his words, even though they’re absolute bullshit.
For the first time ever, Sophie has the chance to live a normal life. She no longer has to stay with her mother because she’s now of age and can finally make her own decisions. And she clearly should do that without me. I would only drag her down and put her in danger again. Because let’s be honest, me and a legal job? Kissing someone’s ass for eight hours a day or staring at a computer screen? Don’t make me laugh. I’ll always be the guy pulling shady deals because I have nothing else to show for myself. And that’s not the life I want for Sophie.
Because my lawyer will not let up, I rise with a sigh and follow the guard through the maze of corridors until we reach the visitation room.
"Whatever you—" I falter and stop instantly as I lift my gaze.
