He swallows.
Some of the manic light drains out of his eyes.
“I know.”
He sighs as if he really does know. As if he could feel it within him. Twin things he called it. Maybe that’s how. I wait for him to say more, but he doesn’t. Maybe the guilt I am feeling, he is too. Hopefully, he is.
“Good. Maybe next time you’ll use your words instead of your bones.”
He gives me a sheepish shrug.
“Words weren’t working. Space was winning. I had to try something big like they do in those chick flicks.”
I get the last visible splinter out. Spill out more chlorhexidine, which makes him hiss. Then line them all up on the gauze. A little graveyard of his bad decisions.
“There, that’s all I can see for now.”
He lifts his hand, turning it over like it’s a magic trick. “Look at that. You fixed me again. You must really love me, my angel.”
I tape fresh gauze over his palm. “Algo así.”
He grins like I just proposed.
“What does that mean? Is it I love you in Spanish?” He repeats it several more times, committing it to memory. Again, I don’t correct him. The nurse returns with a tech.
“Let’s get some films. Make sure you didn’t break anything new, champ.”
“No more needles, though, right? Sofia, will you tell them no needles? I am scared of them.”
“Not if you behave, Nene. But if you don’t, she’ll find the biggest, fattest?—”
His eyes go wide, like a kid heading into a scary movie, and he covers his ears, wincing when the hurt hand presses down too hard.
“Are you heading back upstairs or staying?” his nurse asks, but I’m not sure.
“She’s not going anywhere,” Emilio answers for me, insisting I stay put.
My charge nurse knows I have family in the emergency room. Even with the odd look she gave me, knowing I’m from the island and don’t really have family here. But she didn’t question it. Just said go and waved me on.
She nods once, like that’s all they needed to throw open the curtain. They start rolling him away. I pull the sheet over his legs when he passes.
“Don’t go far,” he calls down the hall, craning his neck to maintain eye contact. “Family meeting when I get back. Very important business.”
“Just behave. Show them what a good patient you were for me.”
I keep it professional for those that are watching or listening, but my chest does a stupid little flutter over that word.
Family.
I drop back onto the plastic stool. It squeaks under me. Suddenly it’s quieter. Not actually because the ER never shuts up, but it’s muffled. The sounds blur around me. My body sags with adrenaline. From the phone call. From sprinting through the hospital like the building was on fire. From seeing them both here again. From almost losing him. Again.
This is what I was afraid of. Not just love. Not just sex. The way my life always seems to take things away right when I start to relax. The way the universe sees softness in me and decides it’s time to snatch.
You did this, Sofia. You told them you wanted space. You decided distance would keep them safe. Keep you safe. Keep you from repeating every stupid mistake you made with your ex. Independence, I remind myself. Boundaries. Healthy choices.
Except that’s not what it felt like these last five days. It felt like punishment. Sitting in an empty apartment that once held peace and calm, now tainted with my ex breaking in. Filled with Massimo’s cologne and presence to make me feel safe again, knowing I really wasn’t. Knowing he’d much rather have me at his home with him and his brother, in a gated community, behind a guard shack and two big guys that wouldn’t dare let anyone in.
Hours spent reading Massimo’s texts until the words blurred. Listening to him cry into the phone while I cried on my end. Watching Emilio’s silly videos with his playful voice. The dick pics that he sent were far too many from unflattering angles.
