My arms are outstretched to her. She doesn’t move.
“Please?”
Still doesn’t.
Just looks at me.
“I’m serious. I want both my boys to be safe. I just got you both. I don’t want to lose you.” Her teeth sink into her DSLs, biting the lower lip and looking sexy as all hell. “Just as you don’t want to lose me. It’s what you fear but still haven’t told me why.”
It’s true.
Anytime Cecilia comes up in conversation, I push it away. I don’t want my pain and hurt to taint what is good between us. But I’ve put it off long enough, and she’s let me. It’s only fair that, with all the weeks that have gone by, I finally tell her. Em’s been on my ass about it too. Says the longer I wait, the more fucked up it is.
“Will you please come here?”
I pat my thighs, wanting her to straddle them. It’s my favorite position and her favorite seat in the house. Her lip loosens, and she obliges. It’s the one thing we both love and need. My hands settle on her waist as she climbs onto my lap.
Once she’s seated, legs tucked on either side of my thighs and her hot mound sitting flat on my cock, I relax. Pushing her curls away from her face, I plant a kiss in the hollow of her breasts and gaze at her. I love her so much it hurts. But I know this is real. She’s not using me or leading me on. She’s a thousand percent here with me. With Em. She makes my world better.
“I know I should’ve told you by now. It’s just . . .”
“Hard.”
I nod, even though hard isn’t the real word for it. Hard feels weak. Whiny. The truth is darker than that. It feels pathetic. Like I let her pull me around on some invisible leash, and I didn’t even fight it. It embarrasses the hell out of me.
“I was blind. Thought that she loved me. Because I loved her. Trust me, it wasn’t the case.”
My voice scrapes down to something raw. I focus on her legs around my hips, so I don’t have to look her in the eyes yet.
“She used me,” I get out past the heaviness in my chest. “Not for my heart. For my wallet. My name on campus. My family.”
A muscle jumps in my jaw. I haven’t said this out loud before. Not like this.
“Every time she wanted something, I made it happen. New clothes, shoes, or purse, Weekend trips. Workout classes she didn’t show up to. Parties she had to be seen at. She’d bat those baby blues, and suddenly, I’m draining accounts my parents didn’t know about. Then she’d tell people I always gave her what she wanted because I was a real try hard. A simp. A pushover. Maybe I was. But I wanted to spoil her. She was my girl, and that’s what guys do. They spoil who they love.”
Her fingers move slowly over the back of my neck, like she’s erasing the words as fast as I say them. My chest unclenches just a fraction.
“She cheated,” I whisper, because the word still tastes like metal, even after all this time. Even with Sofia sitting on my lap, gazing at me with so much love. “More than once. Always ‘it was a mistake,’ always ‘I won’t do it again.’ I forgave her. Over and over. Because she’d cry and tell me it was a one-time thing, stress, or school, or pressure, and I didn’t want to lose her. Then she made it clear that I was the problem. Too intense. Too clingy. Just emotionally, whatever.”
Her thumbs are catching a tear at my cheekbone before I even realize it has fallen.
“Papito, you’re not. You have a huge heart, and I love that about you.”
My lips twist, wanting to believe her but needing to get this out. Because I’m never bringing it up again. Cecilia is firmly in my past. Sofia is solidly my future.
“But she didn’t see it like that. She dropped me right before finals. Started dating some other guy with a family crest on his signet ring. Two months later, she was engaged. By the time summer hit, she was married on his family estate. She even invited me to the wedding. Like a dumbass, I went.”
My heart clenches remembering myself standing outside that church like a fucking idiot, trying to breathe. Em ended up getting trashed and peeing in the fountain in front of the circle drive. It was the only good thing that happened that night.
“She gutted me.”
Sofia’s forehead presses to mine, curls falling around our faces like a curtain shutting out the world. Her mouth brushes the corner of mine. Soft, not asking for anything, just there. Her fingers slide into my hair, not pulling, just holding.
That’s all it takes. My throat closes.
“I thought . . . if I’m less, maybe next time someone will stay,” I murmur against her lips. “Be easier. Quieter. Take up less space. Don’t need. Don’t ask. Don’t expect anything. Just take whatever scraps she’ll give me.”
She cups my face in both hands like she’s framing it, forcing me to look at her. And something warm settles low in my gut. Her beautiful eyes always make me melt. I’m so gone for her.
