“Sure.”
She fishes in her bag and then passes me the room key.
“See ya in a bit?”
She nods. “Goodnight, Shae.”
I walk back to the room, my thoughts whirring as I wonder how much I can trust this woman. She’s been nothing but positive and supportive, but I’m still stuck on how much she really knows about what I’ve done. How much does she even know me at all? Every time she calls me Shae, I shudder—I don’t feel like that person anymore. I’m ready to put Shae to bed. Mia Starr is my future.
By the time I reach the hotel room, tears have sprung to my eyes as I think about missing Dean. He wasn’t a perfect man, but he was mine. He still is mine. I just can’t let go when he’s been the center of my existence for so long.
Living without Dean feels like living with a phantom limb.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
“Good morning.” Kelly wipes the sleep from her eyes before she crawls out of bed Saturday.
“Morning,” I murmur, my thoughts dialed into the laptop screen in front of me. I’ve been up for hours, while she’s been snoring off her wine hangover.
“Whatcha working on?” Kelly asks when she returns from the bathroom a minute later. I minimize the tabs I have open—I’ve been searching for any news about Bishop in Chicago, but I haven’t found a word. Some dark side of me wants to text him, but I know that won’t lead anywhere good. I’m dying to know what happened after the meetup in Millennium Park, but I can’t risk reaching out.
“Who’s that?”
The question pulls me out of my thoughts. I’d almost forgotten she was here. “Huh?”
“Your wallpaper—who is that?”
I glance at my screen and realize, with all the tabs minimized, Kelly can now see my wallpaper. It’s the most recent photo from Jesika’s newsfeed—a photo of her and Dean. His face is in shadow and you can really only make out some of hisfeatures, but I can tell it’s him. Jesika has her arms wrapped around him, and she’s puckered up to plant a kiss on his stubbled cheek. It’s hard to make out much of Jesika’s face because she’s shrouded in waves of silvery hair. But if I squint, I find it’s easy to pretend it’s Dean and me. It’s giving me comfort right now while we’re apart. A part of me still hopes this is temporary, that he’ll get sick of catering to Jesika’s every whim and come back to me.
“Oh, that’s my sister and her fiancé,” I finally reply, pressing my fingertips to my temples with a frown.
“Oh.” Confusion ripples her features. “I didn’t know you had a sister.”I don’t.“She looks like you.” She smiles. “She’s very pretty.”
“She’s gorgeous.” I hope Kelly can’t hear the bitterness that laces my voice. “And ridiculously high-maintenance. I feel bad for her fiancé.”
“More power to her.” Kelly winks and then heads to the other side of her bed to look for something in her luggage. “Wait, I thought you said you always wanted a sister when I was talking about mine?”
“Stepsister, she’s a stepsister.” I bite out.
“Oh.” She continues to dig through her bag. “I’m so glad the hotel could move us to a bigger room. Did you sleep well?”
“I did,” I answer. I’m not used to having anyone to answer to, and annoyance at all her chatty questions is weighing on me. I’d rather be left alone. I think I’d almost prefer the women’s shelter to Kelly right now. “I’ve already called the hotel. They said the mail is usually delivered around noon. I’m going to plan to be there.” I work my fingertips back and forth across my forehead with a wince, willing the throbbing to subside.
“Do you have a migraine?”
“I’ve been getting them more here,” I confirm.
“It’s altitude sickness, poor thing.” Shefrowns. “Let me help.” She crosses the room to me and before I can protest her fingers are working at the base of my neck and spine. She hums softly and then admits, “My mother always had migraines. My sister and I used to take turns rubbing her head and telling her about our school days. Those are some of my favorite memories with her.” She works back and forth silently and then moves to my temples and continues her massage.
I can’t help when a small sigh escapes my lips. Not even Dean was ever this tender and giving, and while Kelly’s massage feels nice, it also makes me uncomfortable on a deep level.
“There, doesn’t that feel good?” Kelly moves to my side to look me in the eye. “A little Motrin and a lot of water should help.” Kelly’s eyes linger on mine. My skin begins to feel tight and itchy under her gaze. Like I’m wearing a mask and she’s just about to uncover my real identity. “You’re so beautiful, Shae.” She smiles sweetly. “Such beautiful skin and wide, expressive eyes. If we had a little more time here, I’d say we should have a spa day and get facials and everything.” Her eyes gleam with the wholesome possibility of it. My stomach twists with aversion.
I don’t have a reply because the cold truth is that if we were in Los Angeles right now, we wouldn’t be friends. I would rather be dead than get caught with her and her ratchet Louis bag in Beverly Hills.
“I should get ready to leave.” I stand abruptly.
“Oh sure, let me get dressed and we can head out. Maybe we can grab coffee and some breakfast first.” She rushes to grab the nearest clothes folded neatly in her suitcase.
