Bishop nods thoughtfully. “Know anything else about his schedule?”
I frown, thinking. “He rents an office space downtown in the Financial District. He leaves early every morning through the garage, around five-thirty or so. Maybe you could talk to him one morning as he’s leaving for work.”
“Oh, I’ll have a talk with him, all right.” Bishop loops me with his arm, pulls me close, and plants a kiss on the crown of my head. “We’re gonna have a little talk that he’ll never forget. Mark my words, beautiful.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
“I’ve been fixating again,” I confess to Kelly.
She nods. “Have you been sleeping?”
“A little.” I frown. “He’s justsosweet to her. And you should hear the things she says about him. He was never that way with me.Never.”I see a flash of frustration cross Kelly’s features, and I shrink back from the judgment. “They just seem so sweet and loving, I can’t help but be resentful.”
“Well, keep in mind how youfeeland what isrealityare two different things,” she cautions. She’s said this before; it never helps. My mood swings are big, but so are Dean’s.Conflict is how we communicate,he used to tease. I always laughed, but I think now he was right. “So you’ve been struggling with some obsessive thinking…”
She’s taking notes, and I’m trying not to laugh—to say it’ssomeobsessive thinking is an understatement. If imagining poisoning Jesika’s faux rosé with something to cause a miscarriage is obsessive thinking, then it’s probably a safe bet that I’ve graduated to full-on OCD at the time of this session.
I’ve even thought about sneaking into the delivery ward of the hospital and snatching the little mongrel the day it’s born. Iknow it’s not something I could actually get away with. Security is locked tight to prevent newborn kidnappings like that, but still…it’s fun to fantasize.
“Shae?” Her gentle tone brings me back to reality.
“Sorry, I’m just feeling the stress of this situation more than I expected. I thought I was doing so well, moving through the phases of grief like we talked about…”
“You’re in a transition right now, and healing isn’t a linear process,” she reminds me. “This fixating…what’s the nature of it?”
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“Well, do you think about being a part of their lives or hurting them?”
“No—well, I guess I’ve thought about all of that.”
“Oh?” She writes something down. “Tell me more about that.”
I hate when she says that. “Nothing serious…I think of silly ways of getting revenge. Sticking bubble gum on the underside of his door handle on the Audi…shoving him off the viewing deck of Willis Tower…generally finding some sort of way to paralyze or maim him so they’re saddled together for life—in sickness and health, right?” I chuckle. “And with a newborn on top of it? I could lock them in their own gilded cage of a relationship in that million-dollar luxury apartment with a view. Things like that.”
“I see.” She presses her lips together, trying to bite back her true thoughts. “What would it look like if you spent your time building your business instead of fixating on your past and their future?”
I nearly snarl back at her. “But he was mine…”
“And now he’s hers. You can’t control the future Dean has chosen for himself.”
I pout silently. She’s right, and I hate her for it. Tears clutch at my throat.
“I think Jesika is beginning to suspect I’m not who she thinks I am anyway,” I confess with a dejected tone.
“What makes you say that?”
“Despite how totally narcissistic she is, she’s also a good listener.”
“She sounds like a good friend,” Kelly offers, and I cringe.
“Maybe. I slipped up and almost used my real name in front of her. And she caught me in a little lie about where I grew up. Just small things, harmless white lies really, but still…juggling all of it isn’t easy.”
“I bet,” Kelly coos. It’s funny, she’s the only person I’m an open book with—as open as I get anyway. I don’t let anyone in, but she’s always been the exception. “Shae, can I ask…what exactly is your goal here?”
“My goal?” I pause to ponder her question.
“Where do you see yourself next year? In five years?”
