“The Maysons seem to ‘adopt’ everyone they come into contact with.”
There has been a lot of strange tension between the Maysons and Ruin when they dropped into the office lately, but I’ve just chalked it up to men being men. I think about all Ruin has been through, and my heart longs to comfort him—let him know he is loved and worthy of being loved. That he doesn’t have to work or try so hard anymore to be loved, because I love him. I fell hard for him when we were teens, and I don’t think I ever stopped. Now that we’re older and both so broken, I just want to help him pick up the pieces the way he has been helping me.
I take his face in my hands and turn his head so his eyes meet mine. “You’re so much more and so much better than anything your family has ever done or said.”
He sighs, closing his eyes briefly. When they open again, they’re actually a soft blue-gray. I follow the sharp edges and lines of his face to the light stubble on his chin and trace a finger over the fine hairs. I consider his tattoo and chuckle softly, moving my fingers from his stubble down to trace the script on his toned arm.
His brow furrows, and I bite back another chuckle before I explain. “It’s not really funny, but I actually had my name legally changed to Avalee after the assault—since myvirtuewas stolen from me. Even so, the Maysons and my father all continue to call me by my given name. Honestly, I think part of why I changed it, too, was just to piss off my father.”
Ruin looks at me funny, then brings my hand to his lips and kisses it. “Well, you’ll always be my Virtue, Avalee.”
And just like that, I lose my heart to Ruin.
Eighteen
Ruin
Every time I’m with Avalee, it just feels as if we were never apart to begin with. But when I think about it, memories start to resurface. Some good, but more often not. Now, combining a night spent with Avalee after seeing my half brothers for the first time in ages, that brings up the darker memories. Ones I’ve tried to block from my memory. I can remember one night very clearly—and for some reason, I can’t stop looking at the moon as I’m driving back to my house. I concentrate on the bits and pieces and go into autopilot the rest of my drive.
I sat at the kitchen table, staring at my bowl. Chili again. The table was one my mother had picked out to fit the retro theme she wanted. Even the chairs were metal with red cushions to match the set. Aside from a dull overhead light, the kitchen was very dimly lit. Then, my father opened the fridge, throwing light and shadows around the room. He took out another beer, popping off the top with his teeth before pulling out two more and handing them to my half brothers, also seated at the table with empty bowls before them.
They belched, also popping off the caps to their bottles with their teeth—insanely barbaric and ridiculously matched. The two, Snake and River, couldn’t have been closer carbon copies of my father if they’d tried.
The overhead light flickered with a quick power surge, something that happened often in the low-income community. My left eye was swollen shut from when Snake punched me earlier for asking a question. I couldn’t remember what it was I asked, but it was probably something simple like, “Can I use the bathroom?” It really didn’t take much for them to hit me. It was even painful to eat my food, but I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of knowing it actually hurt. I worked my jaw, which was loose, and wondered if the ache was anything like what Ronnie went through. It made me feel only a little bad for the prick, but he deserved it for what he did to Avalee at the dance last year.
Oh, Avalee. My eyes burned, but crying was definitely not an option. Not with Snake and River there. I only just found out a few months ago that I even had any brothers, and already, my father favored them over me. Not that it surprised me any. They were exactly like him, so of course, he was proud of them. I was nothing like him, so naturally, he hated me.
I picked up my bowl, scooted my chair back, and placed it in the sink. I gripped the sink for a moment to steady my feet; my back and sides were bruised from more of Snake and River’s assault. Apparently I was their newest and most favorite punching bag, and my father got quite a kick out of watching them punt me around like an old football. I pushed off the counter and grabbed the dish soap to wash my own bowl and utensils, then turned to leave, when Snake stopped me with a hand on my chest.
“And whereya think yur goin’, baby brother?” he said, chewing on a toothpick.
“My room,” I said, not looking him in the eyes.
“Hmm,” he grunted. “Nah, I don’t think so. You see, we got some catchin’ up to do. Now, River and I grew up together. I’ve seen his ugly face and wiped his ugly ass when he was a baby. But you, yur jus too pretty, and I don’t like it.” He sneered, spitting the toothpick out at my cheek.
It struck, hitting me like a beesting, and covered my cheek with his foul slobber. I’d had enough at that point and grabbed him by his collar, throwing a sloppy punch for his stupid grin. He countered it by smacking my hand away and pushing me back so that I slammed into the counter hard. I wheezed at the impact, and River came up behind me, tucking his arms under mine to pin them against him. He was not that much younger than Snake, so I didn’t think Snake’s comment about wiping River’s ass was true, and River was bigger than Snake. So, when they teamed up against me, I really had no chance for escape.
My father chuckled from the corner, his mustache lifting with each chortle. I sighed and relaxed into it, knowing what would come next.
After several punches to the gut and slaps to my face till my lip bled, River released me, and I fell to the dirty, faded yellow linoleum in a heap. Tucking my legs into my chest, I assumed the fetal position and could no longer keep the tears back. They streamed hot down my cheeks, the salt burning the cuts and open sores as they went.
“Oh, look at da widdle babe,” Snake mocked, using both hands to pretend to cry like a baby and making the “wah-wah” sound too. “Don’t know why Dad stayed for you and left us. You’re just a little baby.”
I hated him. I hated them all. I only had a few weeks until my eighteenth birthday, and with each passing day, I was more convinced I would have to leave this place before they beat me stupid or killed me, whichever would come first. But I might not be able to leave. Not with the investigation still underway. More than likely, when my eighteenth rolled around, I would be sentenced for a crime I didn’t commit. Just another thing River, Snake, and our father dangled over my head every day. It didn’t help that I no longer had a safe haven to turn to. School suspended me the moment I was thrown into this mess with the accident and the girl. I blocked those thoughts from my mind for now and tried to focus on the present. Snake was still going on about me acting like a baby, and River and my father were cracking up like it was comedy hour at The Rooster—the bar the three of them had bonded over the moment River and Snake walked back into my father’s life.
“Ya know, boy, I think this is probably why yur momma took off on you. Ain’t that right, Daddy?” Snake asked over his shoulder to the only one linking us together by blood.
My father grunted in response. “Woman took off the moment your little sister died. Didn’t even look back. I think she knew you were just as sorry as me and couldn’t stand to look at you no more. Now, Lydia, she was a fine piece of ass. I wish I’d kept her. And your mama—” he looked to Snake “—well, she had a temper that flamed hotter than a wildfire. Never knew when she might throw something at my head in a fit of rage, but we had fun while it lasted. I wish you two had come to me sooner,” my father said, walking over to Snake and River and giving both of their shoulders a good squeeze. He turned to me and frowned, spitting on the floor by my shuddering form.
“Then there’s you. Hell, I’d have left you too had I known what a pansy you’d turn out to be,” he said, sneering and scratching his fat belly through his flannel shirt. “I wonder if your ma is even still alive. She sure as hell ain’t never tried callin’ to check up on you or sent a penny of child support. No. You know what I think?” he asked, but not to anyone in particular.
“I bet she found herself a new life. A fresh start. Mus’ be nice.” He slurred his words, already through one six-pack when he’d taken out the new beer before Snake and River knocked the wind out of me. He brought the bottle back to his lips and downed the rest, swaying his six-foot form over me. “If she could see you now, see what you have become, what you’ve done…” he taunted.
“Shut up,” I said, my teeth chattering together. I glared up at him through my one good eye, and I was thankful the tears had stopped, even if my face was slick from their escape.
“Whatchu say?” my father asked, his forehead wrinkled as his eyes narrowed on me.
“I said, shut—” Pain interrupted my words as a foot kicked me in the back. Snake licked his lips, standing over me to survey his work.
