Aside from the pain from the handcuffs pulling my wrists tight against the metal rod of the cot, my head throbbed, and every so often, jolts of pain like someone sticking a finger in my skull made my vision blur and stomach lurch. And that wasn’t even the worst of the pain to come.
My phone buzzes beside me as I mark the closing punctuation. I’m thankful for the brief reprieve, realizing my heart is pounding away like a battering ram against my chest. It’s my father, but there’s a message from Ruin too.
I ignore my father’s beckoning and slide my finger over Ruin’s name bubble.
I’m sorry about earlier. I still have a short fuse, maybe shorter these days. Anyway, I hope I can take you to dinner again soon. Good night, Avalee.
I smile as a tear runs down my cheek. I guess I didn’t scare him off yet after all. Once I polish off my glass of Shiraz and pour another, I stretch my arms over my head and crack my knuckles. Picking up my pen again, I start where I left off.
I am not going to catalogue the graphic details of my assault here. I just needed to get some of the memories out of my head. Dr. Saldon thinks if I do this, I might be able to free up space for healing. But what happened next is something I am still both grateful for and question. On my last day of captivity, when I was so far removed from the world, my body covered in bruises and my mind having finally decided this was how and where I’d die—I was saved.
I woke up on that ugly heart-shaped bed that was then covered with my blood, sweat, and other things I wish to forget…
My hand tightens on the pen, the ink smearing. I steady myself and finish revisiting this memory.My father had hired a PI to try to find me since the police had no leads. When they did find one hint that led to me, he asked his old buddy, Trevor Mayson, to help out as my father was not close enough to help himself. I still don’t know exactly how the Maysons found me or what clue led them to me; I am just thankful they did. Even though the damage was done, the silver lining that I wouldn’t die in that disgusting pit from some kind of nightmare hell was a measure of relief.
My father was pissed. I think he blamed me a little, or maybe he blamed himself. When I called him bawling that night from the back of a police car, he mentioned something about how it wouldn’t have happened if I’d just gone to school in Mississippi. That wasn’t something I needed to hear at the time. Funny enough, I remember thinking about Ruin on that long trip home. Why, I don’t know, but I regretted not trying harder to find him. But I guess things work out the way they are meant to. I mean, look at me now. I’m here and possibly dating Ruin. Honestly, looking back, it seemed a bit stalkerish, considering the different paths our lives had taken. I only wish he would open up to me about the time between.
I close the journal and finish off the bottle. Tomorrow, I will have to share this journal entry with Dr. Saldon. But for tonight, a little bit of the weight seems to chip away from my heart.
Ten
Ruin
Avalee is off today for her appointment with her therapist, but that doesn’t stop me from visiting the office to drop off a vase filled with brightly colored flowers on her desk. I leave a note for her, hoping it might brighten her day and remind her of our date, and I turn to leave, almost crashing into Cobi Mayson as I go.
“Whoa!” he grins. “What’s the rush?”
“Nothing. Just leaving a little something for Avalee for when she gets back.” I look around for Trevor or Liz, even Asher, but it’s just the two of us. I haven’t spoken to Cobi much, more so Asher. While all of the Maysons have been friendly to me since I started working here, Cobi has always kept a distance, while Asher and Jax have invited me countless times to billiards and beers.
Cobi peers over my shoulder at Avalee’s desk and his dark eyes look from me to the flowers, one brow raised. His smile pulls into an amused smirk.
“I told her you had it bad for her,” he says.
“We grew up together. Of course I have feelings for her.”
Cobi’s jaw twitches like he’s annoyed with me. Heck, Avalee has me so wound tight,I’mannoyed with me. But I won’t lose her again, I can’t. If living without her taught me anything, it’s that losing her again would kill me.
“I find everything about this little situation entertaining.”
Situation entertaining? What is he getting at?
As if he reads my thoughts, he throws back his head and laughs, then steadies his face and voice. “Let me explain it in a way that you can understand. I think it’s funny that you, the hardened criminal, think you’re good enough for little Virtue. She’s been to Hell and back, she doesn’t need someone that’s just out of the slammer.”
I open my mouth to say something, but the words are stuck. A part of me that knows I’m not good enough for her, and never will be. Hasn’t that always been the problem? Am I just the asshat foolish enough to think we could overcome our past for a brighter future? If I could turn back time and tell her how I felt when we were younger, I would. I would have gone down a completely different path and put myself as far away from my own family and name as possible. I can only hope to protect her now. But from what? People like my brothers? I wasn’t there when she needed to be protected the most. For years, I hated myself for not trying to track her down. But once I was locked up, there was really no hope of it. Maybe if I could have afforded to hire more lawyers, I could have had the charges against me dropped and then found her before she was hurt. I don’t know. It’s all in the past now, but my heart and anger feel like it’s right here in the present.
“Okay, I get it. I appreciate you looking out for Avalee up here, but what we have together runs deeper than some short-term affair. Since the day she left when we were kids, well…it feels like I’ve been swimming upriver without her in my life. Every moment she’s gone felt like another day without enough air in my lungs.”Where did that come from?I shake my head. “And you’re right. She’s been through a lot. More than you could probably imagine.”
Cobi snorts. “Ha, you have no idea what she’s been through.” His eyes light up, and he looks around the office for a moment, as if to make sure we truly are the only ones present. “I knowexactlywhat she’s been through.”
I start to ask him how, but the door opens and in comes Avalee, looking the happiest I’ve seen her yet.
“Oh, hi,” she says and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, eyes glancing from Cobi to me. I wonder again why they energy feels so charged between them. I know Cobi is a happily married man, the loyalty he has to his family is obvious in the way he speaks of them. Is it only because he wants to look out for her? I realize then that not only will I have to prove my worth to Avalee, but to the people in her life that care for her too.
“Hey, there’s our favorite Virtue,” Cobi says and crosses the floor to greet her with a big hug.
I can see her shoulders tighten up in the embrace, and I feel my curiosity about them simmering again.
Avalee seems to sense my need for her and crosses the distance between us to place a cool hand on my cheek.
