I was planning my escape.
From the mountain or my life, I wasn’t sure.
According to Bud’s instructions, I was less than ten miles around the base of the mountain from the ice bridge that connected this island to the mainland. He assured me I could make it myself, as long as the weather held.
The problem was that he didn’t have a smart house to tell him the weather forecast. Bud had no access to the outside world and forecasted the weather outside of his window by what he could see with his own two eyes. I didn’t find it encouraging when he explained that weather changes in a blink up here, with sunshine one minute and a white-out the next.
“Sounds like you had a rough night by all the tossin’ and turnin’ happenin’ out here.”
I’d willed myself to sleep after discovering the faint shadow in the polaroid last night, but it shook me. I couldn't deny that.
“Thinking about snowshoeing to the ice bridge today.”
“Looks as good as any day this week.” He poured himself a cup of coffee and planted himself in the single chair in his kitchen.
“We had a blizzard two days ago.”
Bud shrugged. “That only lasted an hour. Best thing you can do in that case is find yourself a landmark, tie yourself to a tree if you have to. That’s how people die out here, thinkin’ they can make it just a few more feet, but looks are deceiving on these cliffs.”
I thought of the rushing water that churned below the Deception Gorge suspension bridge. I wondered how many lives had been lost to it’s unforgiving wild over time. I hoped I wouldn’t be one of them.
“Figure you might want this.” Bud gruffed, interrupting my thoughts.
I turned to find him setting a small manilla envelope on the table.
I crossed the room and picked it up.
“Just a few things I found in the car, threw everything away that didn’t have a name on it. I’m assuming you’re Freya?”
I nodded, almost wishing I wasn’t. I wished so desperately that all of the last few weeks weren't real, if that meant giving up my name and life, so be it.
“Got this good luck token for you too, it’s the last of my special breed.” He held something soft in his big palm. “It’s mink.” He sifted the small pelt in his fingers. “Warmest and softest you can get around here.”
I thanked him, tucking the pelt into my rucksack.
“Wrap that around your neck if the wind picks up, it can take the air out of your lungs if you don’t have something to protect yourself.”
The softness and warmth in his eyes reminded me of the way a concerned dad might look at his daughter. Something I’d never felt until now, I thought with a wry smile.
“Thank you, again. I can’t thank you enough.”
“My pleasure, Freya.” He waved once, then stood from the table, finished his coffee and dropped the mug in the sink, and then walked back into his room and closed the door with a soft thud.
I heard the shower kick in a moment later.
I finished my own cup of coffee, rinsing it and his out in the sink and then tidying the couch I’d tossed and turned on all night.
I had my stuff together and was strapping it all to my back five minutes later. A moment after that, I was strapping the snowshoes to my boots and driving out into the shadowy pink sunrise. The only thought on my mind was that it would be up to me to rescue myself.
One step at a time.
Thirty
I failed to recognize the crack that fissured Tav and I before it was too late.
I didn’t know when exactly wastoo late. Maybe after the miscarriage? Or before my mother had passed? Was it Bradley’s return to my life? Had the fracture between us began with a hairline crack long before that? It felt like it separated deeper than the gouge that cut through the mountains and severed this island from the rest of civilization.
Were Tav and I that far apart? Would I have met Bradley at the bar that night if we weren’t? Or was this all a matter of my subjective perspective to begin with? A medicated shut-in afraid to live life because life bit back too hard? Was I imprisoned on this mountain, or only acting entitled like Bud had not so subtly suggested? My thoughts when it came to Tav had a way of twisting upside down until I wasn’t sure which was the right way up.
