“Not since we’ve been here.”
“Freya!” I shrank from the power in his voice.
“I keep forgetting.”
“Forgetting? This is why I can’t leave you alone.”What was he talking about? He leaves me alone all the time.“Where are they?” he hissed.
“Upstairs in my makeup bag in the bathroom. I haven’t been wearing makeup since we got here so I just never thought about it.”
He grunted his displeasure as he jogged up the stairs to the loft. He was back down a moment later, my makeup bag in one hand, his other holding my small bottle of prescription antipsychotics.
I didn’t need them.
IknewI didn’t need them.
But I was too afraid of the darkness that would descend if I stopped taking them. I’d tried a few times before, but the level of despair that seeped out of my bones was unbearable.
“Why are you doing this again?” He held one small white pill out to me.
I took it, washing it down with the water.
“I don’t want to be on them for the rest of my life.”
I could tell he didn’t want to talk about this again, but he sat down on the edge of the sofa anyway. “Do you think the new therapist is helping? You seem to like her.”
I shrugged. “Same as ever, she just keeps telling me to take my time grieving.”
He nodded. “It was a tragic accident. They happen to people all around the world every day.”
“I know. I just can’t shake that she was so far away. I feel like she probably hated me as she lay dying thinking about how awful I am for not visiting for three years.”
“This again.” He sighed. “You know she wouldn’t hate you.”
“Maybe. You never met her. I wish we would have gone for just one visit.”
“Me too.” His hand cupped my knee. I suppressed an awkward shudder, not because I didn’t like his hand on me, but that it was so unusual. When had we gotten to a place where we stopped touching each other? “You probably just need some rest. This hasn’t exactly been paradise. I’m going to demand my money back.”
“Didn’t you say the department owns this? I thought it was free.”
“They do, but it’s my position at the foundation that landed us this. I was kidding anyway.” He stood, patting my knee twice before heading back to the kitchen. “You take it easy. An early bedtime tonight wouldn’t hurt either of us. I’m going to grab that bag of ice melt and throw some on the porch and then I’ll be back to get you whatever you need.”
His footsteps padded away as I trained my eyes on the distant mountain peaks overlooking our chalet. It felt silly to spend time sleeping when even the dead of night was beautiful and brightly lit by the moonlight reflecting off of the snow.
Tav was right though, I felt exhausted down to my bones. Maybe a bubble bath and a little champagne would help relax me enough into sleep. I grinned as I thought of instructing the house to draw me a bath,on purposethis time.
A succession of soft thuds rattled me from my bedtime daydream then.
“Tav?” I called, eyes on the hallway.
Silence, before his pained voice called from the depths of the house. “Frey—I think I broke my ankle.”
Shit.
Fear struck like lightning in my veins. My heart hammered as I was about to press myself off of the couch to help him when I registered one small but not irrelevant detail.
The gun was gone.
Eleven
