It felt like I’d already walked a lifetime in the shoes my God had given me for this life, but I appreciated the lessons learned each and every day, even if they were hard wrought.
I closed the thin curtain, still enjoying the way the breeze lifted it to twirl and dance, adding levity to an admittedly stifling room.
I unbuttoned the top few buttons at my neck before pulling the shirt from my waistband and yanking it over my head. My pants followed before I was on my knees, hard wooden floor biting into unforgiving bone. I turned my eyes to the window and the few slivers of moonlight that shone through the curtain.
I began the string of prayers I used to repent for the wicked desires in my mind as I took the soft licks of leather in my hand, running it through my knuckles and enjoying the way the grain warmed against my flesh. The natural touch made the bite less shocking, though it’d been my experience that it tended to make the welts worse. I’d trained myself not to wince anymore, so that was something.
With a soft flick, I used the action of my wrist to cut this evening’s first lash across the expanse of my back.
The speed of my words increased as I surrendered in prayer to his holiness for forgiveness.
“Forgive me, Father,” I whispered in English before continuing on with the Lord’s prayer in Spanish just under my breath.
My second lash was diverted midway by a soft knock at the door.
A knock so soft, I wasn’t sure I’d even heard it.
I waited, prickles of sweat already nipping at my neck and hairline, skin at my back stinging nicely.
Two more soft knocks and then silence. I rubbed a palm over my head, neck corded and muscles jumping under the skin as anxiety swept through my bloodstream.
I dropped the belt at my knees, sliding it under the edge of the bed, and stood.
I waited, hovering at the door and thinking what a fool I was being because it wasn’t at all uncommon to have a parishioner stop by after sunset. It was only uncommon that I was standing here, nearly naked, with a belt in my fists. I could play it off that I’d been asleep, or just out of the bath.
I pushed a hand through my hair, steadying myself before opening the door and plastering a pleasant smile on my face.
Darkness clung to every corner, my eyes adjusting poorly to the dark night, focusing fully only when someone stepped out of the shadows.
Her.
Blood red seeped into the corners of my vision as my head began to pound, the pleasant sting at my back fast becoming an unbearable colony of fire ants crawling out of every pore.
My eyes were undoubtedly playing tricks. This tiny country parish had finally sent me straight over the cliff into the seas of insanity.And then her chin tipped up, shadows giving way to cool, silvered light. Cheekbones high and more angular than I’d remembered. Lids opening to reveal eyes a deep shade of chestnut. I sank my teeth into my bottom lip, blinking my eyes open and closed as she stood before me, a mirage.
My dove.
I stretched out an arm, heart galloping at a wild speed within my rib cage as I took my first steps to her.
She licked her lips once, eyes locked with mine in a raw embrace of our very souls.
“Tressa.” Her name snaked past my lips like a sacred prayer.
Her eyes shuddered closed a moment before she took one tentative step over the threshold of my room.
I brushed the side of her wrist with my fingers, pleading for more of her with my eyes.
Whatever she was willing to give, like a starving man, I would take.
“I…” Her chocolate eyes welled up. I took her other wrist in my hands, pulling her closer.
“I’m happier to see you than I can even say.” I held her face in my hands, eyes hovering inches apart.
Her head fell, conflicted emotions warring in her eyes.
“I…” The truth clung to her throat, my own desire to wrap myself in the memory of her voice coaxing the words from her like a greedy bastard. I assessed the soft planes of her face with my gaze. She was older, skin a darker shade of cocoa, hair longer and the same rich hue of a coffee bean. My fingers itched to plow through the soft waves of silk, drown myself in everything I’d been missing. The very dream that’d kept me awake night after night.
“I’ve missed you,” I finally admitted, pulling her a few steps farther into my tiny room and closing the ancient door.
