And the next.
Before I could quell the anxiety rising in my throat, Margarita was sliding her soft form into my lap, curves melding to my hard edges, fitting just right and not right at all.
“Oh God…” They were the only two words sprinting through my skull.
“Sí, Padre.” Margarita’s hands worked around my neck, hot little fingertips sliding underneath my snow-white collar. “I can give you plenty of love—” her intoxicating eyes caught my own “—andbabies.”
Her lips were on mine, working with soft imprecision, her innocence on display with every stroke.
My body raged at me to succumb, to absolve myself of the pain and allow myself this one escape, but every other logical cell in my brain reminded me that it would be no escape at all. I couldn’t be what this young lady deserved, and as honestly and devoutly as she’d offered herself, I’d rather she serve herself and her fellow man by becoming a nurse or a nun, not the mistress of a holy man.
Realization snapped into place.
The way tiny Santiago’s laugh carried through a room, his personality boisterous and engaging, much like a holy man I’d met not too long ago at this very table.
I didn’t know how long Padre Juan had been retired, nor did it matter. I was sure Santiago was likely his child, but Margarita too? Had Carmelita held on to the love of a taken man for the greater part of the last twenty years? Or even a lifetime? Priests with families weren’t uncommon, many of them hiding in plain sight, and it had only been in the last few decades that most felt the need to hide it with increased secrecy.
And to be fair, the church had other issues on their hands anyway. A priest with a mistress and kids paled in comparison.
“I promise, I won’t make any trouble for you.” Her voice cracked with desperation on the last words.
She was looking for her very own escape, only she was foolish enough to think I was her best target. She’d have to start aiming a lot higher.
Her small little hips began a slow jerk against my own, the lava in my veins turning to ice in a fraction of a second.
Like a serrated edge was slicing through the ventricles of my heart, I felt my breath began to falter, the ants inhabiting my skin bursting through their barriers, my thighs rigid as I set her back in her own seat and shot to my feet.
“Please thank your mother for her hospitality, and…” I paused, her warm, puppy-dog eyes searching mine for answers.
Why did it feel like I was breaking this girl’s heart already?
My two experiences with the opposite sex were proof enough of my calling to enter the priesthood. I had a terrible habit of trampling on feelings and saying all the wrong things at the damn wrong times.
I pushed a hand over my head, frustration causing my hackles to rise as I sucked in a valiant breath, made the sign of the cross on her forehead and then mine, before bursting through the doors and out into the humid night air.
I ran the length of the lane before turning onto the old road that led to Santa Maria’s.
I’d need a lifetime’s worth of penance for the sinful thoughts crashing through my mind tonight.
Two hours on my knees in devout forgiveness couldn’t begin to come close to absolving me of this sin.
