It wasn’t often that I caught him looking at me, but I had.
Maybe more often than a priest should linger on a parishioner.
Or maybe not.
I didn’t know Bastien in any other context outside of the four walls of this holy brick building.
But that didn’t stop me from fantasizing.
Nothing could stop me from that.
I swallowed, Bastien’s eyes finally releasing their grip on mine, a violent rush of air filling my lungs as I felt freed from his invisible bond.
Surely, he knew the hold he had?
The fantasies I had featuring Father Bastien were my most vivid.
I had half a mind to think it was that very sense of warm charisma that landed him in this vocation.
I wondered if he’d always been so aloof or if what I mistook for aloofness was really barely veiled restraint. Maybe the way his eyes cast around the room at anything but me was his attempt at control. Maybe it was his very unattainable nature that fueled my desire.
Or maybe it was simply that he listened.
I’d never been around a man long enough to say for sure, but I suspected they didn’t all have the compassionate shoulder Father Bastien did.
Maybe I’d fallen in love with his kindness.
Maybe it was as simple and as sad as that.
Within minutes, the parishioners were shifting out the front doors, pausing for long moments to shake the hand of the man who guided them. Lucy and I filed along, chatting quietly as I did my best to keep my mind off this man. It was impossible not to be drawn to him, but missing him…that was another form of torture entirely because I had no right to him at all.
The idea of loving an unavailable man caused my heart to throb with the profound sadness of it.
I thought of my mother, so many years spent working double shifts and then collapsing on the couch, lonely, bottle in hand and chip on her shoulder. Her utter lack of love for so many years acted as a slow undoing. I vowed I would never live so isolated. Maybe star-crossed love was out of reach, but friends, family, neighbors, anything was better than sitting alone night after night.
“Thank you for coming, Lucy.” Bastien’s thick baritone jerked me into the present. “I hope you’ll join us Wednesday night.”
Bastien cast his eyes over her shoulder and met mine with a pleasant smile.
I nodded, forcing a brave smile while my stomach churned with anxiety, anticipation, arousal—a mixture of all three.
“I hope so too, Father.” Lucy smiled.
“And, Tressa, would it be too much to ask if I keep you a little late this morning to discuss some things relevant to the day care?”
My eyes widened, brain dissecting all of the possibilities.
What was there to discuss? Maybe he was displeased with something. Or had an idea to implement something new. Or maybe he just wanted to see me alone.
My hands clammed up, lips pressing together as I tried to control the forbidden fantasies surging through my head.
Bastien moved closer, warm hand hovering at my back as he turned, guiding me back through the main doors of the church.
Back into his realm.
“Is Lucy getting along okay? What’s your professional assessment?” he asked as soon as we were out of earshot of anyone else.
“Professional assessment?” I laughed him off.
