Her eyes just about pop out of her head, and her face flushes beet red. “Sam.” She clears her throat. “You… you’re clueless.”
Damn it. I put my foot in it.
She grabs her basket and stomps out through the front doors. I’m following her, so when I see her step up to the hipster loading up his car, I rush to catch up. Joe the hipster takes the basket out of her hands and leads her to the passenger door.
I’ve got to try one more time. “MacKenzie, wait.”
Ignoring me, she slides into the passenger seat, shutting the door and me out.
Hipster dude, who is literally half my size, steps in front of me. “Dude, back off. You’re obviously upsetting her. I’ll take her home. You can talk to her later.”
“I’lltake her home,” I say, jabbing myself in the chest. I’m acting like a jerk but I can’t seem to help myself, so I keep it up. I glare at him. “She’s my girl. It’s my place to drive her home. Make sure she’s home safely.”
Hipster laughs. He literally laughs at me. “Your girl? Geez, dude—what decade do you live in? The 1950s?”
“No.” I take a deep breath. “I keep putting my foot in my mouth. I don’t mean to—it just happens.” I look at MacKenzie, who’s doing everything she can tonotlook at me. Turning backto hipster Joe, I say pleadingly, “I really care about her. I can’t stop thinking about her, but I think I just called her fat.”
Hipster guy gasps.
Oh, shit. I’ve fucked it up so bad. I know it.“I didn’t mean to. I don’t think she’s fat. I think she’s perfect. I was just talking about food and how much she likes it.”
Hipster Joe laughs again. “You’re either clueless or a complete asshole. Tell you what, I’ll give you a little tip. I’m gay and know basically nothing about women, but I do know this. There are three subjects completely taboo when it comes to women.” He’s holding up three fingers for me in case I need a visual. “The first one is a woman’s weight. Never, ever talk about a lady’s weight. Not ever. If a woman asks you, ‘Does this outfit make me look fat?’ you say, ‘No. You look amazing, darling.’”
Now it’s my turn to roll my eyes.
“Roll your eyes all you want, asshat. This shit is important. Two: Never assume it’s the woman’s responsibility to cook and clean. You could end up eating leftovers from Christmas 1999 on a plate that hasn’t been washed for weeks.”
I nod. That one, I completely understand.
“Finally, never make her feel like she’s less than you. A woman who is your equal, and who you see as your equal, and who you do everything in your power to convince that you know is your equal, is going to be happy and make you happy. All that being said, I can assure you that MacKenzie is not your equal—you are not even in the same ballpark as that”—he points back at MacKenzie—“amazing woman.”
That’s true. “You done?”
“I’m done. You’re welcome.”
“Can I please speak to MacKenzie?”
“Since you asked nicely, you cantryto talk to her. I’m not sure she’ll respond. You must have screwed up big-time, dude.”
“I know.” I did. I walk to her window and bend down so our heads are on the same level. I wait for her to press the window down.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
TO FORGIVE, DIVINE
I can hearthe two of them talking. Sam has really put his foot into it tonight. I’m tired. Exhausted, really. He kept me up most of last night, and today has been all drama and misunderstandings, tears, and a bit too serial killer-y… and well, it’s been completely draining.
At my car window, I watch him bending down so he’s eye level with me, tapping lightly on the window. I press the window button but the car isn’t on, so I crack open the door, and he stands up. “What?” I ask grumpily.
“I’m sorry. I’m just going to make a blanket apology about everything I said tonight. I’m an asshole, I’m tired, and apparently… well, apparently the gay guy knows more about women than I do. I’m clueless.”
I nod slowly. “You are definitely clueless.”
“Can I please drive you home?”
I step out of Joe’s car and gently shut the door. “Thanks, Joe. Kisses,” I say, blowing him a kiss. I move to grab my clothes, but Sam retrieves the basket and carries it to the car.
After Sam starts the car, he looks over at me. “You should have told me you were coming all the way over here to dolaundry. I would have driven you, or even better, taken you to my place.”
