He must be a bit uncertain, too, because his toast sounds more like a question. “To new beginnings?” he asks, like he’s unsure.
I like the toast because it’s positive, plus it could mean more than one thing. He could be talking about us, or he might mean his new house. However, if heistalking about his house, it means he’s not referring to us. And I’m not sure how I feel about that. Being here with him today has been fun. I’ve missed him if I’m being honest with myself. I think I realized that the day he came over to check on me and we ended up talking at his place. That gave me pause. Also, his arms around me felt amazing, but it was the fact that he just listened as I told him most of it. It’s what I needed. An ear. Someone who didn’t pass judgement on anyone in my story. Because if anyone should be judged harshly after all of that, it’s me.
It was a good talk after an awkward start. I promised him I’d spend more time with him, one-on-one, so we can work on what I’ve always thought was the best relationship in my life. I mean that. I love my father. Nothing will ever change that. And as harsh as the comments have been, my sisters and my mom are right. What happened between my parents is their business. It just hurts me that they had to go through that.
I return the smile Sam’s giving me and repeat, “To new beginnings” as our classes clink.
****
After dinner, I return to my design work while Sam does the dishes.
I could get used to this.
When he finishes, he hands me a fresh glass of wine. I look over at him as he sips from a bottle of water. “You about done? I want to take a walk down to the lake.”
“Almost.” I hold up three paint samples. “Call me crazy, but I think you should paint the main room white.”
“That’s not crazy. I’ve seen that a lot lately. People like the clean look of it.”
“But your bedroom, I’m thinking this.” I hold up a blue-gray color. “I’ve read somewhere that you sleep better in rooms painted in cool colors.”
He nods. “I like it.”
“You do?” I turn to face him. “Really?”
“As long as it’s not pink, I’m good.”
“Plus blue is your favorite color.”
“It is.” Sam sets his water bottle down on the table and steps closer. His hand moves up, and his warm fingers touch my face. I close my eyes at the sensation. “I’ve missed you, honey.”
Opening my eyes, I look up at his steel-gray ones with the gold flecks. I see sincerity. And a bit of concern, like he’s afraid of what I might say. Truth is, I don’t know what to say, so I go with my heart rather than worrying about what my head is saying. “I’ve missed you, too. I’m sorry—”
“No.” Sam shakes his head. “You were processing shit.”
His statement surprises me. I laugh. “I was.”
“I was processing shit, too.”
“You were?”
“Before the laundry day, yeah. Stuff with me and my ex.”
“Whatwasthat all about?” I’d tell you I’d forgotten about everything that happened to start this divide between us, but that’d be a lie.
“Honestly, I—”
I wait for him to finish. I need to hear this.
“It hit me hard.”
“The baby?”
“Not that she’s having a baby with someone else.” He runs his hand through his hair. It’s his tell that he’s nervous. “This isn’t easy to admit.” Sam gives me a shy smile. “The fact that she didn’t want a kidwith me.”
“Oh, Sam…”
“It’s okay.” He reaches out and takes my hand. “It made me doubt myself. Question things. I mean, why wouldn’t she have a baby with me and turn around and have one with someone else?”
