Understatement of the year. “Right.” I nod and take another swig of my tea. “Got it.”
Chapter Seven
The Debriefing
My parents have gone home. My great-nephew, along with my brothers-in-law, nieces, and nephews are also gone. What remains are my three sisters. It’s time for the debriefing. At least that’s what Connie is calling it. What she really means is, it’s time for them to tell me what they think of Sam Griffin and what I need to do to “land him.” Carla’s words.
Ugh. I hate that expression.
Land him?
“If you don’t get that hunk-a-hunk-a-burning love in that bed of yours tout de suite, I’m going to disown you. Swear to god.”
“Candy, settle down, Jesus.” Connie seems to be the current voice of reason. “I think what Candy is trying to say is…” She sighs. “You need to fuck that guy. A lot. And forget about what we said about moving. You need to stay put.Capisce?”
Since when did Connie become a mafioso? Capisce? “Capisce.” Not like I was planning on moving. I wasn’t. Like I said earlier, I love my little place. “I will not move.”
“Have you baked him anything yet?”
“Um…” Baked him anything? “No. Why would I…?”
“Because, honey”—Carla pats my knee in a very condescending manner—“the way to a man’s cock is through his stomach.”
Yuck. Just yuck. On so many levels. Yuck.
Connie can’t seem to help but to jump into the fray. “She means his heart, dearest. His heart, Carla. Jesus.”
“No. I meant cock. Did you see that guy?” Carla points toward Sam’s side of the building.
The walls are thin. I sure as heck hope he can’t hear any of this.
“In summary…” Connie is ending this.
Thank you very much.
“You need to bake him something sweet and delicious and deliver it wearing only your apron.”
I’d just taken a sip of my lemonade, but her words make me spit it right back out. “I’m not going over there naked.”
“I said”—Connie rolls her eyes like I’m the one that’s crazy here—“wearing an apron.”
“Only an apron.” Carla isn’t any help.
“Sure.” I nod. Smile. And down the rest of my drink. “I can do that.” You see, here’s the thing with my sisters. If I don’t just agree, this will go on for hours, and I’m tired. It’s been a long day of dealing with the Munsel clan.
Don’t get me wrong. I love them all. With all my heart. But sometimes … well, sometimes, I don’t like them very much.
“Welp.” I clap my hands. “I’d better hit the hay if I’m going to get up early to bake something for Sam.”
“That’s the spirit.” Carla claps her hands, too. “Remember to record the entire thing. We want to see it.”
“No.” I shake my head. “I’m not going to record my ass hanging out of an apron.”
“And your tits. Don’t forget that. Your boobs are huge. They’ll never stay behind an apron bib.”
Thank you for that, Candy.
And there you have it. The reason I’m insane. Okay. Theotherreason I’m insane. Mom is the first reason. My sisters are two through four.
