“She’s lonely.”
“Because she’s killed three husbands.”
No.Not literally.
At least I don’t think so.
But she’s been married thrice, and they’ve all died sudden deaths.
Probably poisoned themselves once they realized whom they’d married.
Her last name came up in class once.We were studying Greek mythology, which was fascinating to me.Anyway, Mona means female death-spirit.
There’s no name more fitting.
I looked up her first name, and do you know what it means?Wretchedness.Also Greek.If she lived in Greece, they’d call her Wretchedness Female Death-Spirit.
I should share that with her.
Except I’m not like that.Like her.Because, believe me, if she’s got ammo on someone, no matter what it is, she’ll use it.
Case in point… she’s said things to me about my mom a million times.I’ve learned to not pay attention because I know it’s a ploy to get me riled up.Privately, it works, but my dad taught me a long time ago to let things that don’t matter roll right off my back.And believe me when I say, Desdemona Keres does not matter.Not to me.
“Hear ye,hear ye, let the Zodiac Hills city council meeting come to order.”Our mayor, one Kitty Standish, bangs her hammer onto the two-by-four that should have been a gavel and block, except someone stole those a few years back and nobody bothered to buy a replacement.
I provided the hammer and wood, because watching Kitty slap the table to no result on the usually rowdy crowds was downright painful.At one such meeting, I ran out to my truck and found the hammer and wood and presented it to her.To say she was thrilled was an understatement.Hell, she even mentioned me in her column.
Hear ye, hear ye.I’d like to thank Velma Lou Hamlin for donating a gavel and block to the city of Zodiac Hills to be used during council proceedings.Everyone, please give Velma a round of applause the next time you see her.
And do you want to know what?They did.
For weeks.
And I wanted to crawl into a hole.
Except, the thing is, they meant it.You see, most of the people of Zodiac Hills are kind, wonderful people.There are a few bad eggs, sure, but the reason I’m here, and why I stay, is because I love my town and its residents.
Dad and I find seats near the back of the room.I’d like to have been closer, but, for some reason, the room is jam-packed tonight.When Kitty slams the hammer down onto the wood, the room quiets.“I call to order the Zodiac Hills city council meeting on this year, March 17.”
Kitty goes through announcing who’s in attendance and what role they’ll play during the meeting.She asks that the minutes and information from the previous meeting be read back for all to hear, even though most everyone in the room was at the last meeting.No matter, I wasn’t there.It’s good to hear what Mona complained about last time.
And there it is.It was about the tables one of the businesses had out on the sidewalks for customers.Bella’s Bakery was the business in question.They ruled against her, saying she needed a permit for that.Bella’s angry about it, but she’s going to apply for a permit.As soon as she “punches Mona Keres in the throat.”Her words.
After hearing about the last meeting, Kitty reads through the current agenda.And sure enough, Mona is on the docket.She’s last, though, which means (a) I’ve got to sit through this entire meeting and (b) she called it in at the last minute.
Not surprising, the first thing listed is about the show,Return to Zodiac Hills.Now I know why it’s standing room only.
This ought to be good.
Or bad.Depending on where you stand on your town being overtaken by singletons in search of love and a bunch of other people to stir up trouble.
I happen to believe it’s a bad thing, but my history taints my point of view.Kitty starts her spiel about what the city wants to do when the hubbub gets started.“Now, I know many of you weren’t around or were too young for the first wave from that television show.We were caught off guard that time.We don’t intend for that to happen again.We’re gonna be ready.”
I look over at my dad to see what he’s doing.He’s leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and his face in one palm.
“With that in mind,” Kitty continues, “we would like to ask each and every one of you, and the many who didn’t show up tonight, to come up with ways we can use this to our advantage.”
There’s grumbling and excited chattering in the room.To shut everyone up, Kitty slams her hammer down.The room goes quiet.
