“And Maggy?”
“Yeah?” My voice is but a breath.
“I wantallin.”
“Oh.”
“Goodnight, sweetheart. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
Sweetheart?I don’t respond to that, I can’t guarantee I’m going to answer that call, so it’s best to say nothing. I simply nod as he goes.
29
Nate
Sitting in my gray,lifeless apartment, I stare down at my phone. Maggy was right. I should have told my parents about Brynn a long time ago. The thing is, I know what they would have said. They would have told me they were happy for me, that it’s good that I’m moving on with my life, and they would have asked to meet Maggy. Three things I just couldn’t stand to hear. Not then, anyway.
Now. Now things are different. Partly because Maggy knows about them, sure, but mostly, it’s because I can see that they were right. That moving on is important. I remember talking to a therapist not long after Aiden died about this same subject. I stopped seeing that therapist because I didn’t like what he was saying. I shut him out too.
Now that I’m on the outside looking in, sort of, I can see what they meant. Moving on doesn’t mean that I’m letting go of memories of Aiden, it just means I’m allowing new things into my life. New things that will fulfill me and maybe heal me in some ways. I’ll always love my son….
Shit. Why is this still so fucking hard?
Aiden will always be part of me, just like Brynn is now. Maggy was right, Brynn will need to know about her brother. She’ll want to know, and not letting him be part of our family would be wrong on so many levels. That’s why I’ve pulled out the box of photos. We took so many of him. Vicky took a lot of them with her, but she left me a lot too.
Vicky.
My ex.
I wonder how she’s doing. I haven’t spoken to her for, what, four years?
She’scertainly moved on. I saw on Facebook that she’s expecting another child. I’m happy for her. Truly.
At least I am now. Maybe if I didn’t have Brynn and Maggy, I might not have been so thrilled at her good news, but I do, so I am.
Reaching in, I pull out one of my favorite photos of Aiden, still in the silver frame. It’s from the day we brought him home, and he’s sitting in the car carrier. He’s wearing a Chicago Bears onesie and he’s looking up at me as I took the picture. I swear to you, he’s smiling. At me.
“Shit.” My nose burns, which I know is a sure sign I’m getting choked up. I’m not going to stop them this time.
Staring down at the photo, I realize this is the one I want to take to Maggy’s. It will sit on the same shelf with the photos of her and her mom and the one with Robin. Prominently displayed like he deserves.
“Shit.” I just need to let it out. Finally.
* * *
“Mom?”
After I’ve given myself enough time to process everything that happened today, I finally do it. I press their number.
“Nate?”
“Yeah.”
“What’s wrong?”
I don’t know why, but her question makes me laugh. “Nothing’s wrong.” Actually, things are getting right. “I’ve got something to tell you, though.”
“Alright?” She sounds hesitant. Something that Sara Black has never been. “Tell me.”
